I'm new here. Turning 42 years old next year. Just want to get a better life for my 2 kids. Have ADHD.

[Hulk323]

Currently living in Utah. Just recently got diagnosed with ADHD and medicated for it. The doctor gave me 10mg of the generic Adderall and it's the short-term release one. It's just once a day too. I do not feel anything different. Feel less anxious. Not only do I have ADHD but also have a mild case of dyslexia and dyspraxia caused by getting knocked unconscious when I was 8 years old by an older kid on a bicycle. I've unofficially been diagnosed with rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It sucks because if I get awkward, uncomfortable, made fun of, or have a lot of self-doubt at my job. I will walk out or never come back to that job. I have unfortunately burned lots of bridges this way. I cannot live like this anymore.

I have had a BIG porn addiction since I was 15 years old too. It's been on and off though. It's been a long time since I've stopped watching that filth. My dopamine is fried though. It's been so long that it will take some time to heal my dopamine receptors.

Even though I'm turning 42 years old next year. I look like I'm in my early 30s which is good because of the age discrimination that unfortunately still happens. during job interviews.

Most of my resume is warehouse/production and driving jobs. I was at my last job for a long time driving for a dry cleaner. I was there for almost 8 years. Stayed there for a long time because I was by myself for a long time, Wednesdays were always off and most important of all my son had to get extra medical care when he was born so this company allowed me to get some flexibility with taking my son to his appointments.

In my past jobs, I've seen my boss pick someone else over me, and most of the time I've worked there longer than my coworker. Past bosses have said to me lack attention to detail, do not care, are usually late, does not listen well. Also, other bosses have given me that look. Look when they think I'm stupid, and slow to process or does not know what he's doing look. I hate that look. A lot of people that truly know me see I have a lot of potentials and say you're really smart. It sucks having ADHD and my other medical conditions.

I want to get into the computer industry either in I.T. or computer programming. I really enjoy it. Have helped in my past family and friends with their computer questions. I've gone with some of them to Best Buy and helped decipher what they do not understand.

Just looking for good feedback and advice. Thank you all in advance.

[NYCmom2]

I think you’ll find lots of people here who can relate. Getting a diagnosis is a big, first step! Congratulations! Many people never take that first step; and you have the gift of self awareness.

Grace and self forgiveness will allow you to move forward more easily. As you look back on your life through the lens of ADHD you may start to notice patterns of behavior: dopamine seeking, inner critic, low opinion of oneself etc.

You’ve been in survival mode (mission accomplished) but now you can begin moving toward thriving mode.

Educate yourself by whatever media you prefer: YouTube, Podcasts, TikTok, books, audio books. Research Executive Functions to for insight into how ADHD has been affecting your life and work. ADHD is very often co-morbid with other learning differences such as dyslexia.

Therapy, if you can access it, helps speed along the self acceptance.

Celebrate your wins. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your family and have accumulated work experience.

Medication is trial and error. Doctors typically start at a low dose and short acting to see how you respond. If there are no side affects they will typically raise the dose and switch to long acting. It sounds like you might benefit from a discussion with your doctor about adjusting the dosage. It’s a good sign when the doctor is cautious and starts low raising it by small increments.

I’m positive you’re capable of more than you’ve been able to consistently display. That’s common with ADHD and learning differences.

Wishing you good luck on this journey of self discovery and growth!

[Hulk323 in reply to NYCmom2]

Thank you for your kind words. I have read your every word. Yes, it has been a tough survival mode. I will contact a therapist tomorrow to set up an appointment. I'm currently on Medicaid and a therapist's office close to my house will be covered by Medicaid which is very nice. I believe it will help.

I have taken the first steps to learning computer programming online. That's what I want to do. I will keep working these entry-level jobs until I find a higher-paying job so my kids can finally get a good house with a good backyard.

I will research. YouTube certainly has taught me a lot and I will continue to use that resource and books too. The doctor also told me only take my medication before I go to work. On days I do not work to not take it. Kind of weird to me but I think I will contact him in the future if I do not feel and see a difference. I heard it takes some time to recover from disgusting porn maybe that's why the medication has not helped much but I'm still optimistic.

I love how you phrased "thriving mode". I'm excited for the next stage of my life. I've hopeful things will work out for my kids and me.

Thanks again for your positive feedback. Happy Holidays!

[NYCmom2 in reply to Hulk323]

That’s awesome you have access to therapy and you’re open to it! You’re taking these steps and they will all add up.

Regarding medication, both my child with ADHD and myself take ours daily, even on weekends and in summer. The medication helps with impulse control and attention is important with social relationships and personal life not just work or school. We take breaks occasionally, notably when we’re home sick and want to be able to nap.

While you have a nice backyard on your wish list, in the mean time, are you close to any of the hiking trails UT is famous for? Many people travel great distances to hike Zion, Snow Canyon etc etc.

Free Apps to download to get a hiking adventure started:

All Trails - award winning

Seek - fun way to identify plants, animals, insects you encounter on the trails

[75ADHDgal]

Addictions and ADHD go hand in Hand . Try Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous - SLAA - it is a 12 step group based on the principals of AA . I am a member. And stop making yourself wrong ! you are not alone ! That is what i found in the roos ( on line ) at SLAA.

you are in the right space wanting better for yourself and your family. Get ito some therapy. Do some serious exercise daily. Learn to meditate take 5 minutes a day to journal . Write 5 things you are grateful for today. Forgive yourself ! Be kind to yourself

[Hulk323 in reply to 75ADHDgal]

Thank you for your response. Thanks for letting me know about that group too. I made an appointment with a therapist. Also very good ideas to do. I've never had a journal before. Been always wanting to meditate too.