in my 40s living with un treated adhd and a 6 year old just like me

[Jamesmarie21]

I am a single mom raising a beautiful smart very hyper miniature version of myself and I don’t want her to struggle the way I have throughout life after being Misdiagnosed for so many years

[FindingTheAnswers]

Hi Jamesmarie21. You said a lot in "I don't want her to struggle the way I have throughout life after being Misdiagnosed for so many years." Wow, I know that feeling very well. I wasn't diagnosed until 47. I don't have any children, but after being diagnosed, I did a lot of reading on ADHD. It's caused a lot of dysfunction in my family. Yet, after 15 years, I haven't gotten any family member to consider that this may be part of their struggles in life. They don't believe me, or...?

You're being a great Mom just in what you said. As we (you) show the next generations that there are answers out there, as well as a better and more positive way to deal with life (ADHD), you're actually making the world a better place. Hopefully somewhere in her life, your daughter will understand and appreciate what you've done for her.

Peace to you.

[BlessedLady]

Have you talked with her teacher and school counselor? If she has not been tested. You should be able to have her tested through you local school system.

[BTV65]

Yup. I was a dad in my 40s when I found out I had ADD, because my son was showing STRONG signs of having ADHD. When I was reading to help understand it, I realized it described a lot about me as well, so I went and got diagnosed.

Let me share a couple nuggets from my experience raising a child with it.

1) My world view and his world view are very different. Just because we share a lot in common, doesn't mean we are the same.

2) Trying to help them learn the lessons it took you decades to learn for yourself, seems like an exercise in futility. We can try, but don't expect it to work out the way you think it should.

3) When I was your age... It doesn't matter the topic. Kids don't really value the lessons learned by the prior generation. They don't take it seriously until it's hurting them (it's too late). Basically, they have to learn from their own mistakes.

I tried so hard, from 3rd grade (diagnoses) until college age (now), but looking back, it feels like I was just pouring water on a rock and expecting it to grow. In many ways, he is far worse off than I ever was. So I'm constantly wondering if this is just "him", or did we (as parents) go horribly wrong somewhere along the line?

Wow that sounds really pessimistic. Sorry about that. Recently struggles are coloring my views.

Here is a more positive note: While you can't force them to learn your lessons, you can see and make changes to their environment to help them thrive and grow up happy. A lot of ADHD thrive with changes. So if something feels stuck in a rut, sometimes a change in scenery can really bring out the best in them (as an example)

[Mychaddblue]

Good for you! You are a great parent for wanting to help your child!! I recommend checking out ADHD'er Dr. Ned Hallowell's website, podcasts, blog, and if possible his book "Delivered from Distraction" co-written with Dr.Rately. The book creates hope. Written in 2005, still very helpful, and his website etc has more recent stuff.

[GatsbyCat in reply to Mychaddblue]

Quick note, same authors, new book. ADHD 2.0 very interesting and useful

[FindingTheAnswers in reply to Mychaddblue]

👍 "Delivered from Distraction" is the best ADHD book I've read.