I have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was 7 years old. Alot of people might think- "wow! You're so lucky that they diagnosed you so early in life." I don't see it that way.
Growing up, it was such a struggle because it was obvious to anyone who was around me or knew me that I was different than other kids. As a kid, all you want is to be like everyone else and essentially, blend in. I felt alone for many years. My ADHD is well managed as far as staying on tasks with medication. However, my impulsivity can really fluctuate and my emotions are so much more intense than everyone else's around me. It is exhausting. I would love to not feel everything that happens to me or around me to such deep depths. It is draining and sometimes a reminder that I am different. I have made great strides in how I view myself and my ADHD diagnosis over the years but I still have days where I struggle to understand the question, "why me?"
Then there's the barriers to receiving medication on a monthly basis and the hoops I have to jump through because other individuals who don't have ADHD use my medication to get high. Therefore, I have to go out of my way to have periodic drug testings to make sure that it is in my system at a therapeutic level and I am not misusing it or selling it. I struggle with being treated as less than or that I have to address additional barriers because I am able to effectively function on a daily basis with the help of a medication so many abuse.
Can anyone else relate?
Written by
MHadvocate2023
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I can certainly relate to some of what you've gone though.
I also tried very hard to fit in, and never understood why I couldn't, despite my best attempts.
As an introvert, I often contained my emotions within me, but I also dealt with intense emotions...many layers of emotions at any given time.
I was only diagnosed in 2020 (at 45 years old), so I went through most of my life do far without a diagnosis, without the help of medication, and without understanding why I struggled so much at life. I was only on controlled medication (Adderall) for a few months, and I've been on a non-stimulant (atomoxetine) for two years now. It's made a huge difference, but I still have daily struggles.
The meds help me to manage my attention, but they don't help me with motivation.
You've helped reshape my perspective on getting a diagnosis earlier in life. It sounds tremendously hard to go through what you've felt. I was diagnosed at 30 yo so at least I can reflect back and appreciate the struggles my younger self went through without knowing. But that in and of itself is a big privilege, and until your post I hadn't seen it that way so thank you!!
No question that ADHD impacts our lives, even with medication and other training/support. As someone who wasn't diagnosed until 71 I can tell you that life was like yours, but worse, for me. In addition to the burdens you feel, imagine that you have told yourself that you are deliberately lazy or unable to do what other people do, that it is your character and very self that is causing this. It creates shame and a negative self image, that can go away once you have a diagnosis and know that this is biochemistry not moral failings or lack of will power.
This is recognized as a disability for a reason. You articulated the reason that we don't just pop a magic pill and have a neurotypical life ever after.
My suggestion, do what you can to make your urine test low-stress; make sure you calendar the event a month in advance with alarms programmed. Then get a lock box or a lockable bank deposit bag and actively lock up your meds. Explain to your roommates, and friends how depraved stealing a person's medication is, and, tell them how it affects your life.
Focus, if you can mitigate this one issue, you’ll have reduced the ADHD impacts you have to deal with. How much can ADHD behavior be mitigated; guaranteed never 100%, but each reduction in stress is supportive.
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