Still lost

[Colls47]

Posted some time ago . Diagnosed adhd last year and ASD this year . Was diagnosed by pyschiatry Uk, which is all done online and via video calls . Once diagnosed , was sent elvanse 30mg , worked at first , but burnt out so quickly , within a few hours . Then they upped it to 50mg , again , worked but burned out within 4 hours . And then intense anxiety set in , dark anxiety . Now, to add , I lost my last parent , my mother , who I was seeing and caring for twice a week whilst out of work , so her death had a massive massive impact to my attachment to the world I live in. I have a wife and 4 kids but felt and still feel lost and Alone . They then tried me on dexamphetamin, again, was gradual improvement , but after a week or so, still intense anxiety . That’s where it all stopped , as I was then scared to try other drugs , so my support and journey with trying to find help for my symptoms stopped . As psychiatry Uk cut ties with me as all they do is prescribe meds when used via nhs .

To add, whilst this was going on , I was and still am on two anti depressants , one that I take at night that is awful and I’m train and was trying to come off so so so slowly , mirtazpine . The other is Effexor that I take in a.m.

The mirtazpine has made me histamine intolerant, as really, it’s a strong anti histamine used for depression ., so, not sure if the mixture of losing my last parent , and reducing mirtazpine , combined with starting a new adhd drug just threw my into turmoil .

I feel my adhd is so so relevant now , especially as I’m not working , ruminating and with no daily routine .

I know I need and want to be back with people and work other than just my family , but I can’t seem to motivate myself . I spend my day keeping mega busy and too busy doing every little thing around the house , going gym 3 / 4 times a week , but nothing grabs me or excites me . The thought of a job just now feels me full of dread as I see it as a monotonous thing that I’ve struggle with prior , with people etc .

I’m at a bit of a loss . Have been now for over a year . I’m in therapy but the therapist Doesn’t really get the adult adhd . She says adhd is normally jumping around etc ?? I explained in my adult adhd , it’s the non stop mind , the constant go to go to got to , but the more serious stuff like work , I just can’t bring myself to get on it . I feel I lack the rush , the excitement , the fun , just blah . Everything just feels in motivated and boring and flat .

Any thoughts most welcome

[Amadeus1999]

Hey there! Sorry to hear you're struggling.

It sounds to me like you should get back to treatment overseen by a suitable specialist like a psychiatrist as soon as possible. It may take a few 'tries' before finding someone that really fits what you need and feel a connection with. Having such a healthcare professional present during the course of your treatment will no doubt improve your odds of improving your problems and symptoms as any advice offered here (including mine) isn't done in a clinical setting.

As for the situation itself, having said that all of my advice is to be taken with a grain of salt, it sounds like your medication is currently definitely inefficient in treating your issues. There may need to be an adjustment in dosage (perhaps the stimulant medication for your ADHD) or to research how each drug you take is affecting how you function. Having said that, I strongly discourage doing so without proper monitoring by an aforementioned healthcare professional as doing so carries substantial risks.

I hope you find a solution to your problems and wish you the best.

~ Carlo

[Colls47 in reply to Amadeus1999]

Thankyou and yes , the only change I am making is to slowly get off the awful mirtazpine that does nothing possitive for me apart from cause awful morning anxiety and tiredness. I have been referred to a psychiatrist via my therapist , this time through the nhs , not some company that is private but takes on nhs patients purely for diagnosing and then prescribing , such as psychiatry Uk did . To me , they were just drug pushers that posted me drugs and did all on line . Thankyou

[BlessedLady]

It sounds like you need to change doctors. It also sounds like you might be running from something by staying so busy doing things. There can be a thin line between being productively busy and busy because there is something you do not want to think/feel. A good psychologist can help you figure out what those things are and how to deal with them. In the U.S. usually a psychiatrist prescribes medication and a psychologist, counselor or therapist helps with dealing with issues.

Were the medications you took immediate release or extended release? It is common when a patient takes a extended release in the morning. a immediate release is needed later in the day.

My condolences on the loss of your mom

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom! I lost my dad just during these last few years. Please seek out a grief support group. Do NOT attempt to change your med usage without a doctor’s help! We can be guilty of exhibiting poor judgment especially during a major loss, like a parent. I know that the healthcare system is vastly different in the UK than the USA. Please, seek further help and support, for your sake, as well as your family’s. Keep all of us updated on how you’re doing too!

[Colls47 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for this . Sadly the health care system is pretty rubbish now in Uk. Drs are totally ignorant to the hardship of trying to come off of an anti depressant, and the wait for adhd support and medication on the nhs is years . My diagnosis for adhd was through a private company psychiatry Uk but funded by the nhs purely for diagnosis and then prescribing of meds . The two , nhs and psychiatry Uk didn’t marry up in the treatment , so it became messy and just increased my anxiety ten fold. Once I told psychiatry Uk that the meds seemed to make me more anxious , that was it . No further support unless I could pay private . So that’s as far as it went . Diagnosed , tried a couple of stimulants for a few weeks , made me very anxious , and that was that . So great, told I have adhd , also ASD , and know that the evening so called anti depressant is making me worse , so need to wean off it . Don’t know where I go really . Just carry on struggling it seems like . So sad , as i had read of how amazing some people find things once on the right medication . Seems there is no one available to help me with this unless I wait years on the nhs now , even though already diagnosed

[Colls47]

And to add , I have Crohn’s disease aswell, and the stress of mum dying and fall out with older brother caused this to flare up, so I’m now on immuno suppressants azathioprine aswell . Don’t know if others take immuno suppressants and adhd meds ?

[Stonesfan]

Try weekly CBT sessions. Louis Dennington at Psymplicity.com is good - UK

[Hopeandsleep]

So sorry Colls47 you are having such a hard time. I relate to alot of it. I know it's tough but keep trying to get good help with the meds, that's vital. I think CBT is amazing too, and also Mindful Self Compassion. I know that sounds fluffy but google it and there are some amazing practitioners in the UK who can teach you to be kind to yourself and really help with the thinking. It sounds fluffy but it's not, I consider it to be like a fitness discipline that I really need to stick to or my head just goes. I wish you well and good on you for reaching out

[Colls47 in reply to Hopeandsleep]

Thanks for that. Cbt I’ve been through on and off many times prior to diagnosis , and it never really helped ? It was all around trying to turn a negative into possitive etc , yet I feel my brain is always in high alert and sees danger before it happens , if it ever does , but it’s proven right some times , which is why my mind is always on guard . Also the many many struggles I’ve been through health wise , accident wise , being bullied , not fitting in , trying so hard in life , I just feel flawed and like I’ve done the most I can do . I so need to be back into work , but when asked what I want to do ? I have no idea ??? I’m 47 for gods sake , surely I should have some idea ? Thing is, I seem to be able to turn my hand to almost anything , and will do , but just feel I don’t fit in ( last two full time jobs , one of 11 years , new managers decided they didn’t like me as I always point out things that could be done different , and ended up bullying me out . Took both companies almost to tribunal and both paid out ) , but had left me feeling like I’m the problem , I’m not just fitting to l their liking . I miss people . Always had kinda mates etc drinking buddies at work, but since going self employed , not coping with it , jacking it in, losing mum , I’ve just been a stay at home dad , although all kids are uni / college / school now , but do the school runs in morning , and don’t really see many other people now apart from my two eldest that are doing uni and college from home . And it’s been this way since 2020. I so so hoped that I’d find the right meds for my adhd , and I’d get a grip on life again , but it hasn’t happened , and I feel time is ticking away for me …… Mike death and dads 4 years ago has made me feel really alone and scared ( even having 4 kids and wife ) , I feel kinda like an orphan ?? With no road map . And my ASD aswell is just panicking like crazy every day .

The reason I hope adhd meds would help was in my earlier years , after a major car accident , I fell into the music scene , the then rave scene . And with that , the class a drugs , and tbh, doing speed and ecstasy? It was the most focussed alive and connected to people and the same as everyone as I have ever felt . My ASD ( that I don’t know I had ) told me drugs were bad and wrong , so after years of the scene , I quit it all. This has re occurred on and off during my life when things fall to bits badly and I lose my way , with cocaine aswell. All

I stopped 12 years ago . This time though , I have nothing to prop me up or help me apart from two crap antidepressants, 4 kids and my wife . My therapist , who is just a talk therapist says adhd drugs aren’t really for adults , and I can learn to cope well without ?? Anyway , sorry for long reply , and if anyone has any ideas In Uk ?

Thank you all