Struggling here with little support

[Colls47]

Hi haven’t posted in a while .

Diagnosed adhd last year and ASD this year .

Loads happened last few years , both parents died , mental breakdown triggering diagnosis of both adhd and ASD . Last year psychiatry Uk tried me on elvanse 30mg then 50mg then added dexamphetamin as whatever dose only lasted 4 hours max no matter what I ate or did or didn’t do. My anxiety became so so bad after a couple of weeks , I mean being in tears ( how much was life events or meds I don’t know ) but I stopped the meds . It was all only online supper , which didn’t help at all as I needed someone more in touch to see / hear what was happening .

I’ve also been on all the anti depressants since I was 18, now 48, and some may have helpers at times , but not long . I was put on mirtazpine in 2020 along with 75mg Effexor in am . The mirtazpine had caused more issues than any, and I’ve managed , over two years , to get down from 30mg to 15mg . Believe me , every tiny reduction causes absolute awful first thing in Morning anxiety and fear .

I have had some basic talk therapy with local mental health team ( useless , NSFT ) and I finally got to see one of their psychiatrist for a second opinion . They have said they are not totally adhd med in the know , but think I should hold and balance on 15mg mirtazapine , and then they want me to start concerta ? What is the chance this will work for me ? Considering my anxiety ASD and the fact elvanse caused awful anxiety ?? Any thoughts please please

[Gettingittogether]

I suggest you get to a first-class therapist--a top-level, super-sharp therapist--that you connect with. With the therapist, you work on the basics of self-care and self-nurture ... and you lower your anxiety ... you come up with plans.

All of the above work will give you more power, motivation, clarity, confidence and more to sort through the psychiatric and ASD issues and to decide on treatment.

You got a lot of stuff going on. When I've had that amount going on, my brain can shut down, because I "don't know where to start." You can't tackle everything at the same time--without exacting clarity and good mood.

[Colls47 in reply to Gettingittogether]

Thanks . I feel I’ve always had a lot going on , but it came to a head last year , and I can’t seem to move forwards for long . I just had someHope that maybe the right adhd medication would help me move forward

[Hominid711]

I think you should get a job. If no job then volunteer. Same difference and less stress ie less anxiety provoking. Also, volunteering can sometimes leed to a job.

If I had nothing to do all day or if all I had was 4 kids to look after I'd be miserable. Without that sense of achievement, camaraderie with grownups, beginning of and end of something I've done outside my home my days would feel too long and life too daunting.

My days would just pass and feel worthless to me.We all need to "give" (not in a religious or spiritual sense) in order to feel fulfilled and we all need time that we can spend focused on something else rather than ourselves and our psychological makeup. We all need distraction. What better, more effective distraction than work?

Look, it is as it is. You've tried lots of meds and yes maybe the next one will help but perhaps you are avoiding a necessary change and that one - the job situation - stands out from your posts.

I think that way you will also likely move on.

Try it. You've got nothing to loose.

[Hominid711]

Something else: try remembering time/times you were happy. What was it that made you happy? If you can replicate that time or do it as much as you can.And let me guess: you probably had a job.

[Colls47 in reply to Hominid711]

Yes this is all true . But I guess aswell, I hadn’t just lost both my parents within 4 years , who I was very close to . Maybe closer than I realised and always had that though that if the crap hit the pan , they were there . I guess then being gone has made me feelVery vulnerable , which then puts the fear of getting a job and being with people all

More anxiety provoking . I am volunteering twice a week initially , but I have a very strong g work ethic, or a very strong idea of how I feel life SHOULD be , and this I believe is how the ASD mind works . Very set in its ways of what life is meant to be . So yeah , feel very failed with that mindset .

I’m receiving benefits , wife works , and I’m trying to sell my late parents home without any help from two older brothers , one who is a narcissist and has been very cruel since deaths . So I’m stressed to the hilt . I’m also trying to work out how I can work , and not make us worse off , as crazy as that may seem. I’ve always worked up u til last few years ( after being bullied out of a ten year role ) then tried self employed bookkeeper and my mind just over analysed everything I did so I called it a day .

So it’s not as clear cut and straight forward as get a job . I can’t seem to get passed the staring block , my mind just runs every scenario through the mill till my head is numb . I don’t know what is ASD what is adhd and what is grief . It’s all a bit of a mess

[Gettingittogether]

You can deal with the grief and step into your own power with therapy. Deaths of parents is agonizing. But does not have to be permanently paralyzing. You can feel sad over their deaths and function at a high level.

But this takes work, steady psychological and healing work, under the guidance of a good therapist.

[Colls47 in reply to Gettingittogether]

It’s the good therapist part that is crap where I am !! Just Google NSFT …I had some talk therapy with a lady through them that I waited for 2 years for . All she did , was sit there , and sigh , and say how hard things have been for me ?!?’

I then saw one of their own psychiatrist twice , who said she wants me to try concerta when I feel ready , but she won’t be over seeing it as she was just giving another opinion …..

I did however get a call from psychiatry Uk. They diagnosed me last year , but all they were funded to do was diagnose and then titration of meds . Wasn’t enough for me , it was ll online and I needed someone to Almost hold my hand through the trials of meds . That came to an end . But they called to say they now have an agreement with the nhs that they can get funding for adhd coaching and therapy and i applying for me , so maybe this will help ?! Rather than being under a broken mental health group NSFY who really do not give a shit or even understand adhd