Divorcing 😥

[Faye1983]

Anyone on here that is or has gone through a divorce due to a late diagnosis of ADHD? I'm totally alone in this and could really use someone to talk with.

[theDudeishere]

I’m going through it. It’s pretty tough. My wife never understood my ADHD and she just thought it was my personality and that I could change if I just did what she told me to do. She seeing a therapist to see if our marriage is worth saving. I don’t know what good it will do if the therapist doesn’t truly understand ADHD. I’ll be praying for you my friend. Worst time of my life too. specially with the kids

[LateBlumer in reply to theDudeishere]

ADDA is a great group for adhd help add.org/connect/adda-member...

[Therapydm2021]

I’ve been married and divorced twice, once before my ADHD diagnosis and once after. Both were impacted by the ADHD for sure, but there was more to it for both as well. I think the most important thing with a late diagnosis is to do as much research as you can to understand it, the lack of knowledge and misconceptions of the general public are enormous. For me the most important thing to learn about is V motivation, and how vastly different it is with ADHD.

[Gettingittogether]

Well ADHD makes everything hard and certainly relationships and certainly marriage. I got divorced before my diagnosis. I'm not sure that my ADHD was the cause of my marriage problems. My ex had her own severe conditions.

But it's pretty well known that marriage requires a lot of attention and work and work around the house and collaborating with a spouse ... and people with ADHD often struggle with jobs ... lose jobs ... don't do well in jobs ... suffer shame because of poor performance of jobs ... and/or ... come home utterly exhausted from having to concentrate in their jobs ...

I'm not sure what your question is ... But yes ADHD is devastating for marriages ... especially if the person is not treated ... people get defensive about struggling at work, not doing their share of housework or taking care of the kids ... people often come home and need to hide for hours ... and you know, ADHD makes online stuff very addictive ... and on and on ...

So you're not alone ... certainly not ...I will say this, though. I sense it's much easier to really work on your ADHD as a single person ... What doesn't help is to have a spouse looking over your shoulder and saying, "I don't see any change" and "talk to your psychiatrist" ... You gotta want to take on the condition for your own benefit and without shaming pressure ...