TL;DR - I've been struggling with my morning schedule. Mainly, I'm posting this publicly here to hold myself accountable.
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For months, I've been finding it very difficult to get up and get moving on time in the morning. Depression has been a factor, but it's also my usual lifelong behavior to procrastinate, get distracted, and get out the door late.
As a result, I'm late to work almost every day. I'm now salaried, so I don't have to punch a clock. I know that me tardiness affects other people. Sometimes there's a tech issue that happens before I get to work, and someone has had to wait for me to arrive to solve their problem.
* I try to work an 8-5 schedule. Since I often arrive around 8:30, I just take shorter lunches every day. I often work a little while past 5:00, too.
It's a manufacturing company, and I'm the IT guy. Other people arrive as early as 7:00am, and half the management team works until 5:00pm. (Some operations continue into the evening, and I'm "on call" then, but they've never needed to call me in, so far.) I'd like to work 7:30-5:00, ideally. (I'm salaried, and actually expected to be available 40+ hours per week, but starting a little earlier will also help me get more done, and thus get behind on work less often.)
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I wake up easily by 6:00am, usually earlier, but don't roll out of bed until almost 7:00am. Then it's mad rush to get ready. I have no motivation to get up earlier than that.
This often affects my mood, as I'm driving myself the 35-minutes to work (plus a few minutes longer when the roads are icy).
* I know that I get anxious on my drive when the roads are wet, snowy, or icy. My very first week on this job, I was in a car accident on the route I have to take. (It's the shortest route, and the least complicated, but it's got a lot of curves. The route with the least curves it's several miles longer, nearly an hour drive and uses more gas.)
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I know what I should be doing. I'm just finding it hard to do it. I'm fighting depression, lacking motivation, and do not have a good routine.
Mainly, I'm posting this as a public notice that I intend to examine what I'm doing with my mornings, and make some intentional changes.
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Suggestions would be welcome. If anyone has overcome a similar issue, I'd love to know how you've done so.
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STEM_Dad
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Hand on heart - I hear someone beating themselves up. We live in a Rush Rush culture, DO MORE, give to the corporate world your blood sweat and HOURS of your life. It's no wonder people (I recognize we all have to work for a living, but....) wake up with the Black Dog and have such a hard time getting out of bed. Maybe the message here is to not try so hard to be M ORE productive, but to recognize just how much you already give. So. I don't have a speck of advice on how to push back against this "procrastination." I get it. We ALL procrastinate, just maybe not so obviously when we show up for work a bit late. BUT you also say you are working thru part of your lunch hour (which doesn't benefit YOU) and that you also work past 5 PM. So in essence you are working a full 8 hour day, right? I also recognize that "salary" is a nice word for "you're expected to put in a zillion hours more than people who punch the clock." Sigh. It doesn't make sense. The worst part is that you feel such guilt that you take the risky drive in bad weather. Folks with ADHD don't fit in to this "regular" world in many ways. I think we all have to work HARDER than most folks in many ways, too. Are we appreciated for that, or compensated? No. We get "stink eye" for slinking in to work a bit late, and not noticed when we work thru most of our lunch hour.... We are UNICORNS here. And unicorns are special beings who have special skills and traits (like grokking IT stuff, which is a total mystery to many of us!). Guilt is a non-productive emotion that leads to depression. Maybe it's time to cut yourself some slack for your mental health's sake? The older I get, the more I have the attitude of "screw 'em if they don't appreciate me." I bet YOU are very much appreciated, even if you aren't always on time. OK, rant over, sorry I don't have advice for you. Hope you can tell I'm sending good vibes your way..... and please don't drive the curvy road when it's icy...... just sayin'.....
Yeah, after struggling worse than usual in the mornings lately, I was getting really down on myself.
It's not the company that my focus is on, it's the people. I hate letting people down. I like helping people; it's what makes me feel most useful in this world.
I'm not expected to work crazy amounts of hours. The expectation is that I put in 40 hours. But, I'm "on call" outside of those hours (though nobody has called me after 5:00 in the three months since I started working there).
This is only the second time in my life that I've had a salaried job, and it's a big deal to me. I feel really valued for my experience and my skills (after many years of being taken for granted). It's kinda like a rebirth, my very own renaissance in life.
But you're right, I'm being hard on myself. Nobody has talked to me about the hours I keep, because I get my job done, but I've caused delays a few times.
Pretty sure I hit the heart icon on one of your posts on an ADHD issue earlier. Are you diagnosed with anything? Are you taking any meds? You mention recently you have been having issues with the get up and go. Have you always had issues or is this a recent development only?
Are you on a regular sleep schedule, go to bed at a decent consistent time, get quality sleep, not waking up frequently or only getting shallow sleep? Do you wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back to sleep? Or have trouble falling asleep to begin with?
Do you have any issues with daytime sleepiness? Or find that you are more awake at night? Do you feel sluggish all day or just in the morning?
There are a lot of factors, the first is understanding more about your environment and issues. Are medications a factor in keeping you up or not getting quality sleep? Or anxiety, mind racing, etc. keep you awake at all?
If you are like me and naturally have a very difficult time waking up in the morning, regardless of how much quality sleep you get. Then the only answer I found is drugs. Stimulants, instant release. Adderall I used to take, then rollover for more sleep. After about 20 minutes it was like a switch and I'd almost be ready to get out of bed. 5 more minutes and I was good to go. I also set my bedroom clock 15 minutes fast. I know it is fast, but just seeing the time has a mental effect of I gotta get going. Even though I know it isn't really as late as it is. The living room clock is 5 minutes fast. Try to get going 5 minutes earlier than I think it is. I'd go for 10 but wife was only willing to let me do 5.
Even on a string regular schedule, going to bed shooting for 8 hours, usually in bed a for 7.5 hours sleep, doing the brush teeth etc. ritual do get my body focused and ready to sleep, being relaxed before going to bed. I always struggled to fall asleep. And usually woke up 4 hours later and would take a bit to fall back to sleep. But by the time it was to get up, my body shifted modes and was extremely difficult to get going. 45 minutes laying flat on my back (can't sleep on my back) with the alarm going constantly. Finally force myself out of bed and once a week I wouldn't clear the door jam. Would hit my shoulder on it, couldn't focus enough to even get through the door. etc. etc. I think I might have a sleep disorder that your biological clock is a couple hours ahead of the 24 hour clock. Delayed sleeping issues. But I am 99% sure I have Sluggish Cognitive Tempo SCT and that is the factor in my daytime sleepiness and sluggishness. As for you, would need to understand more about your situation. But, stimulants may be your only option if there isn't some cause that you can directly address. I'm still late for everything
Daytime sleepiness is it's own thing as far as I know. But I suspect many in that category also have SCT or just SCT. As well as many who have ADHD, especially those who have ADHD-I. May actually have SCT instead or comorbid with it. It's not in the DSM-5 so most psychiatrist don't know about it. Mostly just the research psychiatrists. Was in the DSM-4 under a different name. Studies show 30 to 60% of ADHD-I are comorbid with SCT. You can look up the symptoms of SCT and see if they apply to you at all. Daytime sleepiness being one of them and in my case waking up is terribly hard. If so, modafinil has been suggested by a number of studies as a possible treatment. It is for wakefulness issues, usually caused by sleep apnea or shift work disorders. Looking to try it out myself but having a hard time finding a psychiatrist.
I'm diagnosed with predominantly Inattentive ADHD, and I'm also 99% certainly that I have SCT (I have ever trait listed for SCT, in addition to every trait for Inattentive ADHD, plus a little impulsivity...but no hyperactive traits). I was diagnosed Sept 2020 at age 45.
I have had struggles with anxiety throughout my life, but was only diagnosed with it once. Lately I've been struggling with mild depression.
I've been on atomoxetine (generic of Strattera) for ADHD for almost two years. It works twice as effectively as Adderall ever did for me. Plus, I'm on Escitalopram (generic Lexapro) for the depression.
The root of my depression is that I've been divorced for a little over a year, after being married for 20 years. I've never had to live alone before. (I have custody of my kids on weekends, plus one evening a week.) My therapist calls it "adjustment disorder".
Procrastination and distraction have always been my telltale ADHD traits. What I find myself doing when I first wake up is hopping online on my phone, obsessively checking this forum and other ADHD forums, sometimes Facebook, sometimes browsing news headlines... trying to get a dopamine boost. But then, I go "down the rabbit hole".
I sometimes have trouble sleeping. I generally get 7 hours of sleep most nights, 8-9 hours on weekends. (The years immediately before my diagnosis, I had going through intense stress at work, getting only 4 hours of sleep per night on average, as little as 2 hours sometimes. I was searching for work to get away from a bad boss, and he ended up getting let go for "budget cutbacks", officially. Yeah, right...he was just a lousy manager! I'm so glad those days are behind me.)
Anyhow, I sleep well (since I'm not under crazy stress anymore), but not long enough. I tend to get to bed an hour later than I should.
I can see you have a lot to deal with. Far beyond my knowledge base. Sounds like the getting out of bed is less of a sleepiness thing and more a symptom of other issues. Still, you can try a low dose stimulant to kick your brain out of rabbit hole mode or the need to go online to begin with. i.e. Impulse control, alleviate procrastination and distraction in order to focus. If it doesn't help, just stop. And turn up the ringer on your phone and leave it in the other room. The non medication therapy. Remove distractions.
Anxiety hasn't been an issue for me. Just normal anxiety that comes with low self esteem and other effects of ADHD. I fixed most of those and only digress a little here and there. Depression I do know well, but not for the same reasons as you, and not for a long time. I do recall deep Depression doubling down on ADHD symptoms on top of their own. But I was lucky enough to figure out my issues by the time I was 23. Since then only typical stuff like breaking up with a girlfriend, death in the family. So anxiety, depression, ADHD, atomoxetine, Escitalopram. I can only guess at these things I mention.
Are you at the point where you think you could date again? Getting back out there so to speak can bring back that excitement of getting to know someone for the first time. Having something to look forward to might help to get you going. And be advantageous to have days alone. Then again, online dating is popular and could be another rabbit hole altogether with your phone.
It does sound like not getting out of bed and hopping on the phone is to alleviate the negative feelings in your life? Would an increase in Escitalopram help while you still haven't put the divorce behind you? What you need is some kind of reward for getting to work at the time you want to. Something to motivate. No idea if that is possible.
Could it also be that there are subconscious associations with work and the stress previously associated with that and your boss? At work, maybe try finding things you like about it or the people there. Focus on the positive. And the good feeling of your boss getting the boot.
Are you doing active sessions with your therapist and going over these types of issues or just medication maintenance? Couldn't hurt to do a deep dive and get more insights if you haven't already.
As far as rabbit holes go. Been on this site for about 10 hours. Haven't started work yet. Work from home.So, should probably get started on that. And didn't do most of the stuff on my own todo list which is extensive. Good luck.
Hi, thanks for all your posts. I find we have similar ADHD traits/behaviors and appreciate your insight.
Question re: medication: Why do you think atomoxetine works twice as effectively as Adderall?
I was diagnosed with ADHD-I at 43 and have only tried Vyvanse (caused me sleeping issues) and I'm currently on Adderall XR (works okay). But I'm interested in improving my focus and attention to be more efficient at work and work smarter (not longer or harder, which up until now has ALWAYS been my MO).
When I was going though my ADHD evaluation, I wrote very detailed notes of my struggles with my ADHD symptoms.
I started on medication soon after my diagnosis, and kept a journal of my experiences on the medication. I was looking for any changes, good or bad, and recorded the improvements I experienced and the ADHD symptoms I still struggled with, and how bad those struggles were.
My doctor first put me on Adderall XR, 10mg. It was somewhat effective, but not helpful enough. He then increased my dosage to 20mg, and I saw no additional benefit over the 10mg dose, but developed tachycardia (resting heart rate above 100 BPM). So he took me off Adderall completely and had me track my heart rate. My heart rate was normal (for me at that time, about 85 BPM), but my ADHD symptoms were back in full force.
Dr tried me on 5mg Adderall XR (a child's dosage, and it did very little to help my ADHD symptoms), then back to 10mg to see if the tachycardia would return (thankfully, it didn't).
After 5 months on these Adderall trials, I asked my doctor if we could try atomoxetine. He started me on 40mg. Within 5 days, I was already functioning better than I was on Adderall. In less than 2 weeks, I think it was in full effect.
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Without ADHD meds, I have major struggles with maintaining attention, I'm easily distracted, and have very poor working memory & short term memory.
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My working memory issues I can actually quantify like this: According to psychology research, the average person can hold 5-9 items in memory simultaneously (termed by one researcher as "the magic number 7, plus or minus two"). My memory was so impaired that I could only hold 1-2 items in memory, and if I attempted a third, I'd forget one or both of the others. The average amount of time that I could hold things in memory was 2 minutes.
On Adderall, the best that I could do was 5, but I could then hold things in my working memory about 10-15 minutes.
On atomoxetine, I felt so much better, I tested my memory by going to the grocery store without a written list. (It was a mid-week grocery run, not a big weekend shopping trip.) I managed to hold 8 items in my memory, the entire list, for over 20 minutes without any problems. (I also easily avoided distraction at the store.)
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My other ADHD symptoms were similarly improved. On a scale of 1-10 for executive functioning performance, I'd rate my experience with ADHD meds as follows...
With no meds: 3
With Adderall (5mg): 4
With Adderall (10mg or 20mg): 5.5
With atomoxetine (40mg): 8
With atomoxetine (60mg*): 8.1
* (but with daily nausea when the meds hit my stomach, so I asked to go back to 40mg)
I really should be more organized like you are. You might have noticed, I'm always in spaz mode., which doesn't lend itself much to organization. Used to be better. I've had a couple dry heave episodes in the bathroom at work when I was on Atomoxetine. I know that feeling too well. When I was on both Adderall and Atomoxetine at the same time, I didn't have that issue. No idea why. Took my much longer for Atomoxetine to reach full effect than it did for you. It did have some positive side effects for me. Adderall has the opposite of those
I know that feeling with working memory. I'm a software engineer. Before diagnosis, I always used to think to myself "3 steps forward, 2 steps back". I had to keep going over the things I was trying to keep in memory over and over again all day. Truly frustrating. I'm very much a visual as opposed to auditory person. If someone is trying to give me things to remember verbally, I would forget very quickly and with the SCT symptoms, not quite process one item before they started on the next.
I can certainly understand not wanting the stimulants. So please don't think I am pushing you to try it. I just want to give more info so you have more to base your decisions on. And you might already know this too if you researched it before. if you did try that route, somethings to consider. Atomoxetine would likely make a low dose stim more effective since it has already primed your neurotransmitters. But since it has less stimulation on the heart, 5mg may be good. Methylphenidate meds, have you tried them before? Many respond better to them. In my experience methylphenidate had less cardiovascular activation but still worked well for my ADHD.
Levoamphetamine tends to have more peripheral i.e. cardiovascular activation than dextroamphetamine. Adderall is about 3/4 dex and 1/4 levo. There are dextroamphetamine drugs that don't have any levo in them. Dexedrine, Zenzedi, and more. There are generics. I am not sure if methylphenidate has the same split on CNS and peripheral stimulation. I do know that dextromethylphenidate is what does the heavy lifting for ADHD symptoms. Something like focalin doesn't have levomethylphenidate in it. But haven't found anything saying levo affects heart rate more or anything like that. Ritalin is 50/50% levo, dextro. But much of levo isn't absorbed. Methylphenidate is also not as well absorbed on an empty stomach which can also make the dose less potent in the morning to avoid tachycardia
Armodafinil or Modafinil may give your brain the boost in the morning to kick it out of procrastination mode. Used to promote day time wakefulness. No experience myself, but others swear by it. Looking to try it to get off Adderall.
You can always search for books on motivation. Not so much the self-help but the ones based on actual psychology. Might have something useful to you in one of those. Used a lot from a book I had in college on the subject in general.
I also have the Sluggish Cognitive Tempo SCT traits notably in the morning. I set my first alarm 30 minutes before I must physically get out of bed. When the alarm goes off I take my stimulant medication. Before the second alarm goes off I can fall back asleep or scroll on my phone to watch funny videos or listen to a funny podcast that gets my dopamine up or text a friend or family member I know is awake early. I avoid anything negative or taxing that early in the morning.
In the meantime my medication begins to kick in and I feel ready and able to get out of bed by the time the second alarm goes off.
To support my sluggish AM self I prep everything at night, laying out clothing, packing lunches etc. I even pre make coffee and leave it in the refrigerator to be reheated when I wake up. I have more good mornings than bad at this point in my life but I always plan at night for the worst case scenario in case my AM brain is completely off line and low mood.
Maybe you save the best podcasts, comedy specials or phone call check ins for the morning commute so you have something to look forward to?
I jokingly call my routine leaving a breadcrumb trail for my AM self.
My plan is to do like you do...prep everything the night before.
My coffee pot has an auto-brew function. I need to use it...put the water and grounds in the night before, so I can have it brewed and ready when I wake up. Caffeine is my stimulant of choice, and I love drinking coffee. My day really starts once I'm out of bed and I've had my first cup. If I wake up knowing that there's fresh brewed coffee waiting for me, then I'll have more incentive to get up. (I should buy the coffee that I enjoy more, instead of the basic bulk budget coffee.)
I'm going to try this strategy for a while before I consider asking my doctor to add stimulant meds.
I was an IT person too. I've always used caffeine pills to get going in the morning. I'm sure they are not the best healthwise, but my mental state is also my health!
I take them around 6:00 am and go back to sleep. By about 7:00 am I feel good and I'm ready to get up. I use Nodoz brand and I've been doing it for about 40 years. It really was the only way I could make my life and ADHD work. I don't need any negative comments from others please. I said this works for ME to help with the sluggishness. Also, I purposely left the dosage off. Sometimes I need more, sometimes less.
Thoughts-As I have gotten older I realize I need more time in the morning so I try to get up at 5am even with a normal 8-5 job. I set two alarms, one for 5:00am and one for 5:10am. I also drink coffee in the morning and sit on my couch and think, look at my email and other items on my laptop and let my ADHD meds work. I then get ready and go. This helps me have a minute to myself and then get to work on time.
It just takes much longer to get moving than I think it will.
I don't LIKE getting up earlier, I don't like feeling stressed about my mornings, either. I'll have to get into a routine of getting to bed earlier. But, I'll be able to look forward to getting up, because I'll be able to check my forums and maybe do a little writing guilt-free!
What people have said here is good but I have a very specific and practical suggestion. Download an app called Brili (the darker colored green is the new app). They have a 30 day free trial. You create a routine on it and how much time is allotted for each task. Get up, shower, go downstairs upstairs etc etc. as you finish each task you swipe it to the left and it goes to the next one. It gives a little warning about halfway through and again at 30sec left and then when time is up. I don’t have to think about what to do next. It shows on the screen what time you will finish so if you take less or more time the end time changes. I find I’m sort of competing against the clock which gamifies it for me.
If you start it when you wake up it will help you get out of bed because you will see he time you are set to leave get later and later. If you are like me you lie there knowing you should get up but there’s a part of your brain that still thinks you can get out the door on time even if you don’t get up.
You will find you will need to tweak the routine. First morning you try it jot down if something seems too short or too long for the task and you can adjust it later.
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Today I’m struggling with ADHD and life 
Struggling to keep a positive regard for myself
ADD meds dont help, struggling in life
Struggling with few friends and how to make more
