here's a question to throw out there...... being that many of us who live with ADHD have difficulty with relationships...

[peaceneeded]

Are there any dating sights to find like-minded partners??? As an older person who grew up before adhad was a thing, when a learning disability was perceived as being lazy, stupid, not trying, ...... emotional damage runs deep. In all my years of failed relationships, I have yet to meet anyone who truly can empathize. Maybe it's a stretch, but I don't want to give up on love. I just need a man who can see " what's possible" who can relate. I need a like-minded soul. Any suggestions????

[JustMentallyLazy]

I did see you reply to my post. Much appreciated.

I woke up this morning and one of the first things that troubled my mind was the question of personality compatibilty.

During a long discussion with my mother yesterday over my feeling of almost completely lacking an identity / goals, I had to come to the conclusion that my current resumé is an exageration... I wasn't being honest about myself or my capabilities.

This lead to the question this morning; have I lied about my personality type as well?

I remember asking J what the main reasons were that she had swiped on me back when we met. One was me having been living abroad, because of the wider perspective of life that comes with that. The second one was the personality type I had written. (I had seen women do that sometimes and thought, hm maybe I should try that).

I found an old piece of paper we wrote on that she was an ENFP and I remember her being relieved that I was certain I wasn't an ISTJ or something like that, because that is her worst connection.

Ofcourse everyone is free to believe what ever they want. I hold confidence in the 16 types because they don't pin point diagnosis, but incorporate them.

I have taken the test at random times a few times and always end up the same:

- When I'm on a roll and feeling confident, I'm leaning heavily on ENFJ-T- When mellow and content, I'm mainly a INFP-T

Interestingly enough, my two sides are actually and ideal pair on the compatibility chart. I only just discovered that since I wanted to find out where J and I landed. The connection between INFP and ENFP is pretty good, almost ideal, but requires navigation, because of some of the smaller things like social skills and general energy.

T stands for turbulent. Not proud of that, but it makes sense, because the T signifies all the shortcomings; self-blame, insecurity, shaken world view etc.

So that would account for my reaction, when I get to a point where I am not aware of myself. Because my world is reduced to ideals and any world cannot live up to ideals. Especially the emotional one. Just reading my own profile again, is helping me a little regaining selfawareness and insight... and hindsight. Grounding myself.

So in short, maybe that would also be helpful to you?

16personalities.com/free-pe...

I just broke off, me writing this comment because I got a spure of the moment need to record these things and relay them to J. Being INFP, I'm bad at communicating here and now, especially when under the pressure of affection.

I think sometimes I have been prone to idealise a person simply because she showed interest in me... you know, almost splitting. She likes me right now, therefore she must be good. And then reality strikes as we get to know eachother better.

But in hindsight and looking at these type descriptions again, I can see that the compatibility simply wasnt there. But I wasn't paying attention to the personality type.

Another thing I have to realise, is that being an INFP, I have to be very much more clear about my feelings, intentions and refrain from assuming things. Not even assuming "being on the same page".

Im going to put myself out here a little bit:

J

14.30

Shall I come to your place after sushi or it's too late too little to leave tomorrow before lunch and then come back up there.

14.31

I had to lay down 20 min that my head was tired

14.31

😂 my body feel fine, little pain on my ankle 😒🤔 but not that physically too tired, surprisingly 👏😜

( she had been out running a company race the day before, with subsequent dinner and party )

Me

14.31

Send audio message about I thought it was a nice idea that she would come up after dinner, but that I didn't think she should come back up the day after, after leaving my place. Instead me and the kids would just meet her and her kid closer to her.

J

16.53

Good idea, I actually have tons of sausages leftover and the grill / coal is still in my car, we can take somewhere

J

16.56

As for tonight, I took the train to the city so we can drink (more! Last night was not enough

🥂🍻) so let's see how I'll be to endure a trip all the way there and 1h back to my place tomorrow morning

Me

17.04Let's just stick to tomorrow

From then on it went sour... ofcourse you would have to know our regular communication style, but I can sense the almost passive aggressive response in my last message. So out of order.

So what does this show in terms of relationship?

Being very specific for me, it tells me... don't assume anything, before you both have clearly agreed. Her text was a suggestion and she didn't reply to the part of coming to my place, but to the idea that I put up about meeting somewhere else.

Her wanting to have fun with her colleagues was not about putting me down or blowing me of, it was about enjoying the company of the people she surrounds herself with.

And in my selfishness, I didn't even fully take in the part of her writing "let's see how I'll....", which she later told me, she did consider it, until I fucked it up with excessive messages and feeling insecure.

Communication, clarity and honesty is so important.

I'm not suggesting putting a sticker on you that says ADHD or anything, but I think many of us would benefit from being very honest and not trying to paint a picture of ourselves that we can't live up to in the long run.

OR... if taking the personality test strikes a chord with you, and you think after reading it: "wauw, that is spot on!"

Then you have something to work from... because the results also highlights our weaknesses and gives small suggestions on how to handle them.

Just remember, the test should be 100% taken with the intention of being completely honest about yourself, no matter how much it hurts to answer a question in a specific way.

If you idealise the test or answer as if "I would like to be that way", then it's not good and will give you an inaccurate results. So be honest. No-one can see what you answered and the results do not show what you answered and no-one and interpret from your type that then you must have answered this or that.

With the test done, you can post it on your dating profile if you have one.

That will serve two good things:

1. Give a good impression of who you might be as a person.

2. Generate an interest in others to take the test and become more selfaware and gain more knowledge about how to understand other types.

Then google "personality type compatibility chart" and get a generalized idea of whom you might be a best fit with.

Don't see it as a box... unless you'd like to ofcourse, but it's very useful as a guideline.

Best wishes

[JW621]

Hello there I also have great difficulties keeping a relationship. I’m currently am going through a divorce and just in need of expressing myself with someone who understand. I’m 48 and feel like no one understands me. I’m just looking for a friend

[Hidden]

In 3 years of digging around TONS of apps, I assure you I will be the first to tell you when I find one that genuinely brings people together

The thing I tell people who haven't tried/are new to them, is that they are great for experiences and interesting in terms of learning more about others and yourself but generally not an avenue for something serious unless you just happen to get lucky. Should always keep other options open. Even the few people I knew that made it to marriage went 2-5 years of trial and error. Compatibility is really difficult to find when so many are looking for instant satisfaction and the idea that there are limitless perfect people out there.

I wish I had a better answer! Sometimes it's nice just to have conversation. I've found listening to podcasts lately has helped soothe the occasional lonely feeling if you don't actually have someone in that moment to conversate with.

That being said, if you'd like to try one I believe Hinge had the best cultured app based around finding a partner that's serious