I feel like I'm completely losing direction with my life. I hardly have any passion anymore, not to mention motivation. I love music, but I can't force myself to practice my fundamentals like scales, lip slurs, or long tones. Sure I have a good sound but I crack notes left and right even though I've been playing for 8ish years now because of this. I tried the stimulant medication and it worked absolute wonders, but I was forced to stop it due to a bad side-effect. The non-stimulant worked, but only the slightest bit to where it was hardly a difference.
I think patience is my complete enemy. Anyone have any strategies to combat this? I feel like I should have everything done and do it perfectly the first time, and I realize that is not a healthy mindset at all, but I can't help it. It doesn't help that I feel incredibly uncomfortable practicing when my parents are home. I know they support me but for a reason I cannot find, I absolutely hate practicing around my family. Just the knowledge that they are in the same building is enough to dissuade me and I'm really not sure why. Probably because I don't sound as good while practicing than I do in the concert lol
I would also love to do astronomy, space is something that has interested me ever since I was little, but no matter what I do I can't even do algebra, let alone calculus or physics. People keep saying that "there are only bad teachers, not students" but somehow I doubt that all 14-15 of my math teachers were absolutely horrible. Now I can hardly multiply double digit numbers without a calculator. It would not surprise me if I had a disability of some sort related to math.
Ive seen that ADHD has a large problem with memory recall, but is it connected to misremembering things? For example, I have a small concert May 6 but I was adamant that the concert was on May 9 for the longest time. I was completely sure I was told May 9, if it hadn't been for me writing down on a paper (which I forgot i did) that it was May 6. This happens with a lot of different things and it is driving me nuts, while making me look and feel like a complete idiot. The problem is, I was sure I was paying attention when the information was given. Is this normal for ADHD? I haven't really seen anything on it. I'm usually more on the hyperactive side of it and can pay attention fairly well, or at least I thought I did. I actually pay attention to something, and it still vanishes into thin air.
Now a days i'm doing photography, but it's not really something I'm particularly interested in. I'm only doing it because it's the one thing I'm semi-good at now. My parents are trying to get me to get a job, but no one wants to hire a 21-year-old with absolutely no work experience. I just don't want to take a retail job and that just be it for the rest of my life. If anyone has any useful advice, I'd love to hear it. all I've been seeing are empty words like "it will get better, just wait" and "you're not alone". Yes, but I want to get better, not be comforted. Waiting has done nothing but make things worse.