Mild vs Severe ADHD

[Stoneman60]

My wife questions that because I was diagnosed only with mild ADD whether I should be able to get a grip on my emotional reactivity and hypersensitivity without medication. Explore more options before resorting to medication. My ADHD feels a lot worse than mild and has been the cause of countless regretful actions over my life. I've not been able to get a grip just with self discipline. Has anyone one else had to deal with a spouse's concern about resorting to medication vs self control and alternative treatment? Is mild ADHD something I should be able to control with self discipline and coaching?

[Birdwatcher19]

The mild designation refers only to the number of criteria you meet for the diagnosis and the degree of impairment. But even “mild” ADHD, when untreated, can have a severe impact on your life. If it was just a matter of self-discipline, you would have already gotten a grip, right? Medication is another tool in the toolbox, and it’s a personal decision whether or not to use it. I’ve tried to manage my ADHD with coaching, therapy, exercise, diet, and meditation; for me, medication has been the most effective tool, by far, though I still do all the other things, too, and would recommend them to anyone in conjunction with a medication regimen. Medication alone won’t fix everything, but it certainly helps. You could think of it this way: If you had a mild prescription for eyeglasses, would she tell you to just use self-discipline and try harder to see without using the glasses? For many of us, medication works a lot like glasses in that it brings things into focus and helps us to see more clearly. Good luck and be well.

[Stoneman60 in reply to Birdwatcher19]

Thank you for that. Very well articulated. One's behavior is to a great extent habit formed as a result of a lifetime of compensating for undiagnosed ADHD. I agree that drugs alone are not the answer, but in my case after using them for six weeks they in combination with counseling appear to be helping. The panic reaction to criticism seems to be lessened.

[BlueDaydreamer in reply to Stoneman60]

My ex didn't want me to take medication, he had a "thing" about medication and used to yell at me that I was "on drugs", but he was verbally abusive. I think he really did have a problem with medication, and so do my parents and my sisters, but I know that medication helps me so very much. It's not great all by itself, but at first the difference between no meds and meds was like night and day, so I didn't listen to anyone about that. I wonder if it might help for your wife to read a book. I saw on someone else's post that they were reading a book about marriage and ADHD, I can't remember what the name of it was, but it had marriage in it, and ADHD. I really like Birdwatcher's comparison to someone who needs glasses. I've also heard someone compare it to diabetes..... you wouldn't tell a diabetic that they don't need insulin, that they should just "try harder". A lot of people have prejudices against medication for neurological conditions. This is a neurological condition, and it happens because of some malfunction in either the production of, or the use of neurotransmitters. I would say it could help for you to read a book about ADHD like Driven to Distraction. I have a lot of books about ADHD, but of course I haven't read all of them, and I can't remember the differences between them, except that Driven to Distraction was good. I wish you well on your journey to coping better with ADHD. Take care!

[Falcon9775 in reply to BlueDaydreamer]

Take care of your needs. I read, “ The Effect of Adhd on Marriage,”. Might be the book for your spouse and you to read or listen together. Or try, “Is it you me or Adhd.” By Gena Pera. These books are emotionally hard to read by yourself, so listen or read the books together. I wish I would have know. I was adhd before getting married, I’m divorced now. I found out I was adhd after being officially tested in 2018. I’m 52 right now. Keep talking about it. Thanks for sharing your concern. 😀

[IgnoranceWasNotBliss]

I was diagnosed at 40 years old after 2 years of suffering with severe ADHD. I can tell you from my experience that my “mild” ADHD for the 38 years prior to that, left undiagnosed and untreated lead to my ADHD break down and server ADHD. I’m now medicated, thank God, but I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be back to my high functioning ADHD self. It hit a breaking point all of the sudden and my brain just.... broke! If you feel like you need treatment, I’d say at least try it. Maybe you decide you do or maybe you decide you don’t. But no one without ADHD knows what it’s like in our heads. It’s impossible.

I hope this helps.

[RollingThunder]

Yup, look at me ... responding at 1:00 am! Breaking my own rules about bedtime! Us ADDers have to be rigid with adhering to our schedules. With that said, Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow. Many hugs 🤗 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗