ADHD Relationship Help and Guidance

[Eclecticentric77]

Hi there,

I uploaded a video on my ADHD youtube channel, where I discuss and share some helpful tools to help improve your relationship and mutual understanding of you and your significant other with ADHD. This video will be focusing on learning to understand and help out the inferior functions/skills of the INTJ and INFJ personality types, specifically with ADHD.

******In case you aren't sure what cognitive functions/personality you or your partner have, here's how you can find out 16personalities.com/free-pe...

Youtube username - "wilhelm the esoteric" and the video is titled "ADHD Relationship Help For INTJ & INFJ " (Link also in my bio). Hope this helps. Also if you'd like some entertainment, I also uploaded a video of myself impersonating all 16 personalities . Video is titled "16 Personalities Talking About Work, Life, Goals Etc."

[Hidden]

This is a funny video so thanks for posting and trying to provide some kind of illumination on a topic many adhd folks really struggle with, however the Myers Briggs personalities spectrum rating tool (and many others like it) is most definitely not all it’s cracked up to be in my humble bum op-onion at this time. Reason being that I read a fantastic book called ‘personality isn’t permanent’ by a chap called Benjamin Hardy (doctor of psychology I believe) in which he meticulously deconstructs how ‘character typologies’ like this often so far more harm than good because aside from having severe flaws in their methodological development/application in the first instance they also lead people to be convinced their is some ‘core essence’ or ‘authentic self’ that in a way dictates how they can expect themselves to likely behave in any given situation. It also leads one to make severely erroneous judgements about other people’s motives and likely future bahviours based on little evidence other than the internal schemas they have imposed on those people themselves. He argues fairly convincingly that this can prove detrimental because humans, being humans, then start to self limit and self adhere to what they believe is their personality type and seek others who specifically are ‘good matches’ for their own traits which leads to more inflexible and rigid thinking not just around their relationships but also in the types of ambitions, hobbies, and general behaviours they select for themselves. This process leads less to actual growth and self understanding and more towards increasingly tight circles of limitation and cognitive biases around other people they encounter whereas the majority of the higher quality psychological evidence reveals their patterns and personality traits are significantly more malleable, adaptive and, crucially, self selectable than most people are aware. Also they are incredibly context dependant, change dramatically over the course of most people’s lifespan or even over much smaller slices of time like years and even months if the person encounters/applies intense life events/particular mindsets to themselves. Obviously folks with adhd can struggle more than most because some of the core traits such as forgetfulness and impulsivity are under far less conscious control much of the time so I’m not arguing that everyone can be an absolute ‘sovereign captain of their own destiny’ the whole time but as the great philosopher ‘Mr Wayne’ (of Wayne’s World fame) put it: ‘if u label me, you negate me’ lol...although now i think back, that may have been him quoting Keikergard to try and impress a bass player! But yeah, I’ve enjoyed lots of yer videos and thank you for that but, with respect, I’d ask you to maybe check out this book as I think you’d possibly find it very interesting to say the least and also, rather liberating to boot! I know I did, and trust me, I started reading it with an almost exact point of view as the one you describe in your video and ended up with an almost completely opposing view in the end because it was simply too convincing to me ultimately. So I promise u I am not trying to be combative, I simply think there are more optimal, positive and affirming ways to look at human development than positing some kind of immutable essence that can dictate our behaviour. Either way I have here’s the audible link for that book mentioned, I hope u find something of value in it. I also hope this hasn’t been too ‘scathing’ as reviews go as that wasn’t my intention, rather to offer a potentially more rosey, hopeful and arguably freeing perspective on human nature.

audible.co.uk/pd?asin=05931...

Kind regards and All the best!