Upsetting Disassociation at the DMV

[Han1997]

I just started this journey into discovering more about ADHD. I have suspected for a while now that I may have some form of ADD. I have been hearing from other people about their symptoms - odd things that I thought only I did, especially as a child that I am realizing are not odd at all and instead are just a byproduct of ADD.

My mom got me this book called "You mean I am not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?!" by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo. The people who suggested it to my mom called it the "ADD bible". I am having to highlight pages upon pages of symptoms that I am realizing relate to me and have related to me since I was a child. I am doing a lot more research into it now too.

I have not yet found a psychiatrist to diagnose me, and I am in no way trying to proclaim without diagnosis that I am in fact a person with ADD, but I do want to say that I feel like I have finally figured out why I am the way I am. The things that I thought were my "personality quirks" turned out to be so much bigger than me.

With that being said, I just wanted to talk to someone about the feeling of being overwhelmed and "freezing". I just need to vent and also to feel some sort of comfort in not being alone in these types of situations.

I am having some weird confusing stuff go on with the DMV and my car title. For some reason when I refinanced with the another lien holder some documents got displaced and I needed to go to the DMV to turn them in. My mom had given me instruction of what to say and everything because she knows how I am.

I got there and went to the window when my number was called. I handed the lady my documents and completely forgot what I was supposed to say. All I could hear was the loud people on all sides of me. I felt like the room was spinning and the lady was staring at me very unsure of what I was doing there and what exactly I needed.

I started fidgeting and blurted out the little bit of what I could remember and somehow the conversation got blown into a way different area that I was not familiar with. Looking back on it now hours later, I don't even remember what was said.

All I know is that at the time, it sounded the same way it is when you only know a few words of another language. You can understand words here and there but not fully understand what is being said. I could only piece together half of what she was saying the gist of it being that I was to take my documents back because she didn't know why I was turning them in. She said I needed another document I have never heard of and now don't remember.

I was so embarrassed and distracted by all the loudness around me that I just froze. I know she knew that I was confused. She just handed me back my documents and I said thank you and left in tears. I couldn't even unfreeze enough to ask for any clarification, I just wanted out. I sat in the parking lot in my car for twenty minutes and cried.

I am still pretty upset. Since doing this research on ADD I have become very aware and conscious of what are my potential ADD symptoms when they arise. I knew exactly what was happening in the moment at the DMV, but I couldn't control it or get a hold of myself. It's like I left my body. I have never felt so small and helpless before.

Has this stuff happened to any of you? Do you have any tips from your own experience of how to ground yourself when you are having one of these moments?

Thanks so much

Hann1997

[witherrae]

I hated the period before actually being tested and diagnosed. I did so much research too and everything started to make sense, and then I was tested and told I didn't have ADHD. Thank the gods for my therapist and psychiatrist who read the whole report and decided that doctor didn't understand the differences in how girls present with ADHD. Anyways, my point is to get that diagnosis because that's the first thing you need so people will start taking you seriously. I'm still working on coping techniques for when I'm overstimulated and stressed out. Being on the right medication has helped so much but I still get overwhelmed with all the colors and sounds and end up having a panic attack in the middle of Walmart. It's like there is so much going on and my brain is trying to focus on every single part of it all at once and I have to shut down. If I learn anything new I'll let you know. My advice for now is to keep doing what you're doing, maybe look into mindfulness meditation because it helps to focus your attention on something like your breath or a focus object, and don't be too hard on yourself. It happens to all of us and that DMV lady has for sure seen people do weirder things. Also I'm totally going to check out that book.

[Han1997 in reply to witherrae]

Yes, please do keep me updated on any other advice you have! Thank you! I am waiting for enough money to come in so that I can regularly see someone to diagnose me. I am so tired of feeling overwhelmed and then shutting down, I feel so stupid all the time even though I know I am not. It's starting to affect me in every corner of my life and it's causing severe depression. I am on this platform now because I am desperate for help figuring this out. No one I know in my life has gone through this and I don't know what I am doing.

Do you have any ideas on whether to go to a psychiatrist or a psychologist? I am not really sure which is a better option for diagnosis.

[witherrae in reply to Han1997]

I'm pretty sure it was a psychologist who tested me; my therapist had to refer me to him and I was on a waitlist for about 3 months. You could also see your primary care provider and if they aren't comfortable diagnosing you themselves they can always refer you to someone else.If you can I'd advise finding someplace like my doctor's office. It's one company with a couple buildings close together and all the testing and therapy and doctors appointments are done in one place. It's super convenient, but ridiculously hard to switch to a different doctor or therapist within the company if you decide to for whatever reason.

I'm thinking your best bet would be to see your PCP if you have one.

[StoneJeweler]

It has happened to me several times through out the years. I found that I needed to write down what I wanted and take that paper with me. sometimes I need it sometimes I don't. Sometimes I even had to give the person my notes. I have stopped getting angry and frustrated with myself when it happens, it's one of the things that happens to many of us with ADHD. An easy way to ground is to stop and take 3 slow deep breaths, which will calm you down and bring oxygen to your brain. Usually when you get really anxious you stop breathing normally and do shallow breathing or even forget to breathe. Lack of oxygen causes many problems with brain function.

[Snow_Bunting]

I sometimes have experiences like yours and they used to happen to me a lot more. They were definitely embarrassing and frustrating. I’d be so anxious about arranging things like doctor’s appointments that I would confuse the person I was talking to. I would also forget things because I was so nervous and eager to get through the situation as quickly as possible even if I didn’t get what I really needed. My mom would also write down reminders for me and she would get annoyed when I forgot something.

It might be that some of what you are experiencing is anxiety from trying so hard not to forget something or make a mistake. I definitely felt like I wasn’t capable of arranging things because I always screwed something up. I got better once I accepted that I was always going to make some kind of mistake and no one actually remembered how awkward or confused I acted because they wouldn’t remember any of it. It also helped when I started writing down my own reminders instead of relying reminders from other people because I remembered things better and I felt like I was more competent and capable.

I’m still not entirely comfortable in these situations but I’m better than I was and I’m still working on getting better. That was a long explanation and I hope it helped a bit.