Life is too hard

[alsomee]

Even with meds, even with therapy. Why am I supposed to live as a fully abled adult when I feel completely disabled? I don't mean to be insensitive to people with "real" disabilites, I truly feel as I can't function properly enough to cope with regular responsabilites that come with being an independent adult.

[Shnookie]

Hi it’s Shnookie. Sorry 😐 U R in such pain.

There R many times that I don’t always

do my adult responsibilities. My house is a mess right now. We love and support U in this group. I’m giving U a hug 🤗.

This has been an extraordinarily

hellacious year. Give yourself credit for

Every little thing U R doing now 4

yourself. Yes COVID has unfortunately

become a measuring stick, but each

person has a burden to carry. And

we MUST also enjoy 😉 the

happiness when we can get it as

well. Especially this year. Also please don’t

compare your pain to others. It is unique to

U. Trust me I’m the child, grandchild and niece of Holocaust survivors. I knew people growing up that didn’t want to burden their parents survivors with the troubles that were going on with their lives. Fortunately, my father and aunt weren’t like that.

U will get thru this. Hugs 🤗 shnookie

[Hidden]

You’re not alone. I found myself in active addiction for meth and unaware of my mental health issues. Put myself in a position of forcing myself to be an adult. I still don’t know what it even means to be one lol.

To me, an independent adult pays rent, has hobbies, uhm lol 😆 oh and of course takes care of their job and themselves. Taking care of myself has been the hardest but I found myself overthinking what it means. It’s literally eat, sleep and exercise. Eat (im learning to cook, I don’t get mad when it comes out crappy lol, I laugh about it and have fun), sleep (I watch movies before bed [might not be the best idea lol], (I think myself to death lol basically) (maybe supplements and or a tea before bed can also help) exercise ( I walk a lot, I don’t over think or complicate what exercising means; which is get up and move, for a continuous period of time, does not matter how you move as long as you do lol.)

Then hobbies are your passions, what brings joy to you. For me, it’s computers and learning just about anything. I’m curious af and so I distract myself with anything that comes to mind.

For me, fear is what made me feel inadequate or unable to meet expectations. But that’s just it. There are no expectations other than the ones above

Adult life is repetitive and boring lol. Adhd brain does not like that. It wants new and interesting was too often lol. At least mine does idk if you can relate.

Don’t beat yourself up or feeling inadequate. We enhance our own thoughts and feelings about certain things. Figure out what area about being an adult you feel is lacking and come up with an action plan.

Keep things simple, it’s easy to over analyze and get lost in bullshit. If you find yourself getting mad, be mindful that’s it’s just your brain getting frustrated and not your fault. It’s ok. Just try and slow down and say “hey, I’m going way to fast, chill out” helps me all the time. Your brain, as weird as it sounds, listens to you as if it were another human. Lol but it’s really just you.

Mind and body 😉 adhd fucks the sync between the two.

[Shnookie in reply to Hidden]

Good 4 U. U pulled yourself out of hell and R back on society unfortunately this year

We have COVID but U have a positive

attitude. Hugs 🤗 Shnookie

[positivepassenger]

Hi Alsomee!

I can very much relate to your post. I’m so glad you shared and are in this group because.... it sucks sometimes... seriously!!!

But... I’ll say this much... just having one another to “vent” to... priceless!

So... Hi! I’m Rachel! How was your day?

[wtfadhd]

Hey you, i think we have all been there. Its difficult to have an “ invisible” disability that mimics just being a lazy or high strung douche. Many times i have thought that if ADHD were on the outside- it would look like a quadriplegic fresh out of the burn unit that also has HIV. Dramatic, i know. But fuck, it does get irritating when this ADHD crap is sooo crippling yet no one sees it as a legit “ disability” I get into the space you are in sometimes. i scream it out n it eventually passes n i go back to my “ baseline” normal. Lol. Not sure if this response was helpful. You are not alone though! ❤️

[ZimmyB]

Fuck man... I feel ya. I am a complete mess, too. Concerta, Ritalin, therapy (started\stopped many times) I am seriously going to lose my family if I don't make some changes. Previous to COVID, I was working so at least I had something sufficient to occupy my mind. I have been unemployed since April and spend a ton of time looking for jobs and taking some training, too. However, my wife had it rough already carrying all the weight of pretty much everything. With me being out of work, it only makes it much worse for me not being able to just, in my own head, say "hey, let me take care of this X,Y, or Z". I feel like such a loser every day being overwhelmed with trying to find a job, being a father, and being a husband (which I am not even close to being anything resembling). I blank out and unable to process any difficult human problems, mainly within the relationship. Anytime I give an opinion, I it always comes out sounding like a dick. I end up being the gas-lighter, uncontrollably, to avoid dealing with a situation. Inattentive ADD.... WTF!!!!

[IgnoranceWasNotBliss]

Not being diagnosed until last month at 40 years old has made me spend 30+ years with this exact question! I can’t tell you how may times this question “why is this so hard for me?” Has lead to depressive episodes. Why is it so hard for me? Why is it obviously easier for everyone else? After decades of never being able to answer that question, I just changed my life instead! I did whatever I had to do to make things easier for myself even if it was different by other people’s standards. Basically, I learn to accept that I wasn’t like everyone else and whatever works, I’ll do that instead. It lead to me trimming my life down to the few important things and either forgetting about the rest or paying/having someone else do it. I stopped trying to succeed in life and beating myself up for failing and started just trying to succeed at living. Less friends was better for me. Not no friends, but one 1 or 2. Cutting out anyone toxic, great move! Staying out of a romantic relationship for a few years did wonders for me!!!! If tv makes you feel good. Watch it! If you don’t like exercise... F it! Why be so hard on yourself about things that work for other people. ADHD isn’t about other people. It’s about you and your brains unique wants.

I also noticed somewhere around 28ish that I have more control than I think over my brain. Those negative thoughts, when they come.... they come, and come and eat us and spiral and next thing you know you’ve “gone down the rabbit hole”. That’s what i started to call it. Going down the rabbit hole. It’s harder to get out of the rabbit hole than it is to not go down it!!!!!

I started to think of negative thoughts as a cross roads. Picture yourself standing in the middle of a cross roads. You can follow the negative thoughts down the rabbit hole, your brain wants you too. It’s looking for a thrill, even a bad one. BUT you can choose the other road! The road that doesn’t bring you to this place. It feels difficult brocade your brain wants to be bad but TELL IT NO! I would just say NO. In my head, at home alone, I would say it out loud. I would try to visualize shaking it off my body. I would mental coach myself to not go there. Don’t do it. You know where it leads. Honestly, I would have to tell myself no a lot and for a few days sometimes. Then, it was gone. And I’m not in the hole that could last a while. I never had another depressive episode after that.

Of course we all know that what works for one, may not work for another. But the one thing we all definitely need to do is stop comparing ourselves to people without ADHD. Make your own rules. Have your own standards. Ones just for you.

[Hidden]

First off you do have a real disability I test off the charts for intelligence, comprehension, and problem solving but I can only pay attention to what interests me I have screwed off my whole life. I have lot of college credits but didn't graduate. The truth is severe ADHD cases can have lives that amount to nothing when they could have been great. Once even the most skeptical is around me they now know ADHD is very real. Get a good psychiatrist and a good medication that works for you. I take Zenzedi and Mydayis which helps but still won't allow me to pay attention to anything boring. I cannot drive due to several severe accidents. I am fortunate to have a strong hustle in my blood and have made hundreds of thousands on eBay since 01. You need to find your lane and stick to it something you have a passion for that can generate revenue for you. Try being a genius and see these stupid and gullible trump supporters who are farther in life than you, it makes me furious because they are flat out stupid. A good medication and a passion are how you start. Don’t ever go near drugs with the exception of cannabis, getting blasted won’t make you feel any better just worse.

You can be an independent adult, but you will always have to work much harder than anyone else. I’m not lazy, my hyperactivity is a gift it’s the other symptoms that are a bi***. If you have any serious questions or need insight feel free to message me. I have been fighting and advocating my ass of since I turned 18. I would like to help people with ADHD but these “life coaches” turn into ADHD coaches as well and have never felt a day of our frustration they are useless in my opinion but will take your money none the less. I try and mentor people which can be quite laborious, but I love giving back every second. Hope I said something useful and hang in there

[alsomee]

Thank you for all the responses. I'm sorry I haven't replied to anyone back. Maybe my doctor took me off one of the antidepressants I was taking too soon. I was taking Venlafaxine and Fluoxetine, now I'm on Fluoxetine only. Plus Lisdexamfetamine for ADHD (I can take either 30mg or 50, as I see fit).

[sdbpast]

I feel the same and just found this resource to help me get things done, even if they're tiny little things that other people don't need help with.

3 one-on-one co-working sessions per week are free on Focusmate.com. Unlimited sessions are $5/month. You sign up for a session and get matched with a partner, announce which tasks you're going to be working on, work on those tasks for 50 min. with the camera on, and then tell the other person how much you got done at the end. (I don't have any stake in their company, I just wanted to share because this helps me so much & is much more affordable than coaching.)