One step forward, two steps into the abyss of continued failure

[jschoolfailure]

Progress has been difficult, so I need to focus on something I can succeed at. When I set a goal, achieve it, point to the achievement and then have a tangible success to point to attempt to build confidence going forward. Rather than today, where my anxiety and fear at my inability to improve my relationship with my wife has left me vomiting all day, so I've only had ritalin, lexapro and bold Canada Dry Ginger ale to eat.

I'm skinny though, and i'm starting to feel better.

Enough of that.

Our dogs keep peeing on one of a couple spots in the living room. I've tried a lot of things; giving them treats for going outside, putting diapers on them, scrubbing the holy hell out of those spots, over and over with different products, and now I just bought this diffuser thing. It never works. I'll think it's working. They can go months with no accidents, only for all that progress to evaporate.

Then my wife will ask why I can't do this simple thing. How this remains an issue with no solution in sight. Then it extrapolates to my inability to take care of our would-be kids. Since our dogs won't stop peeing, our children have now died in a hot car that I left them in. I think she goes to the worse possibility immediately, but it's not about that. She's more than entitled to that assumption. It's about my inability to fix this. I have a list of things to do everyday that I update constantly. This is staying at the top of the list for the remaining days.

Same with brushing their teeth. I'm supposed to do that weekly. Last night, I was playing with the dogs and was about to say his breath was stinky, but I stopped myself because she'd know I forgot. She saw right through it still. Before I could go and clean their teeth, she asked me if I had, and again I had to be prompted to do something. I was on my calendar to do Sunday night, but still i didn't do it. She's put me in charge of all things dogs: scheduling their appointments, giving them their medicine. I never have an issue with that and their food is delivered on time and their water is always clean.

It's getting them to stop peeing in the house and making sure their teeth are brushed that I keep forgetting.

I need help. I can't keep failing at this. The anxiety that comes with this failure is not helping the process. Sleeping the other room, having her tell me guys are still hitting her up on instagram, and worried she'll kick me out at any moment. It's such a terrible way to feel that much chest always hurts

Suggestions for any and all of the above are forever encouraged.

FYI the dogs are 4 and 6 years old. Not puppies, but not older dogs with issues.

[happyhermit]

Have you had them checked for urinary tract infection or that kind of thing? That's what made my cat start peeing out of the box. Still, after it was cured, I could never again leave a bath mat on the floor or she'd pee on it. What does the vet say? I mean, this isn't necessarily a simple thing you can't do, it sounds like you've been really making a serious effort to fix it, it's not like you're not trying. Some pet behavior issues can be really tough to correct.

[jschoolfailure in reply to happyhermit]

Yeah. I thought that too. They said it wasn’t a health thing. It was actually funny the way the vet put it; “it’s not a UTI. He just doesn’t respect you.” I moved all the furniture and cleaned everything yesterday. I will again today. Will see how it works

[happyhermit in reply to jschoolfailure]

Aww, man. I'm glad you could see that as "funny," cuz it's kinda cold. Dogs are that way though! And so are cats. I don't think my cat respects me, either. Good luck! I think it's a hard behavior to break them of.

[GatsbyCat in reply to jschoolfailure]

Hey jschoolfailure~

Sorry to hear about all of your issues. It's hard with ADHD to remember stuff. Can you also add an app on your phone to remind you?? I use both (paper calendars and an app to help me remember... cause my brain fails at it everytime...)

Found an article for you at the Humane Society for the dogs' peeing indoors... they have some suggestions:

First thing they talk about is spay or neuter, which makes sense about marking territory. Don't know if that applies to your situation or not? Hope these ideas help out sir.

humanesociety.org/resources...

BTW, we took in a stray cat about 1 1/2 years ago, he is a very dominant male kitty. At first, he'd bite me (lightly) when I petted his head. My fiance, Eric started tapping him on the head after he did that behavior. Not hard, but enough so that the kitty did NOT like it and noticed. I think it was a dominance thing with him. After about 2 months, that behavior stopped, and now he's a sweetie.. Took time, consistency and love.

Hope everything works out for you.

Best regards~

GatsbyCat

🎃

[happyhermit in reply to GatsbyCat]

Good for you, GatsbyCat. It's the "consistency" part that's so hard with ADHD, isn't it? *sigh*

[brokenankle75]

Ok so I had major problems with my dog going pee on carpet. This really works soo really try it. I have a few different remedies but this is one I used and worked like a charm. I have other remedies so if it doesn’t work I can tell you other ones. I would smell the carpet to see if smell was gone. After it dried. I had to repeat areas sometimes. The pee spreads so just smell all your carpet on hands and knees.

Get a spray bottle. Fill it with 1/2 distilled vinegar 1/2 water. SuperSoak the Pet area.. Then cover the area with baking soda (a thick layer)take mixture of hydrogen peroxide and a little bit of blue dawn dish soap.every cup and 1/2 of peroxide. use a teaspoon dish soap. SATURATE whole area scrub let sit for 15 minutes take terry cloth ( I used towels and paper towels cuz I didn’t have Terry cloth) over it stand on it then let it dry . It takes awhile for it to dry. After dry take scrub brush to it after it dries vacuum it up. You will see the area you treated depending on your carpet. I just continued to scrub and vacuum it over time. Now I don’t have the stain or the smell. Or treated area spot after little bit of time but you have to scrub area and repeat vacuuming it. Literally works. Some spots I had redo but worked like a charm.

As far as brushing their teeth what I do is floss my teeth then brush my teeth. Then I look at my dog she wags her tail. Because she knows it’s going to be her turn in a minute.That’s just what she does. I gargle with mouthwash. Then I take her toothbrush the one I use is double-sided so it cleans both inside and outside. I put a dab of toothpaste on her toothbrush push it in a little hold her because she’s small I let her smell the toothbrush she used to lick the brush cuz I use dog flavored toothpaste not the dog minty kind. wait till they’re done licking . Open their mouth wide cuz their teeth go far back. I start on the bottom left side . When she starts sticking her tongue out I stop then after she’s done totally licking her chops I moved to the top left side. repeat waiting for her to stop licking then i do the middle on the top and bottom, then the bottom right . then I moved to the top side. Then I take my fingers to her nose let her smell my fingers then I gently pull off her eye Bugars . And if it gets really matted I’ll take a separate toothbrush and run under hot water and brush the Matted area around her eye and top of nose left, down, straight up, then back down again. Continually wetting toothbrush . Then I say good girl. U no what good girls get don’t ya they get treats and keep saying it till I get to kitchen right after n give her the treat. Then u get in habit of brushing theirs and they get better getting theirs brushed in time and then they look forward getting treat. Dogs are creatures of habit.

Sorry bout the book

[Birdwatcher19]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. You say, "I think she goes to the worse possibility immediately, but it's not about that." It sounds like your wife's catastrophizing is actually a big part of the problem. Is she being treated for her own anxiety, which is clearly impacting you both? I'm also supposed to brush my dogs' teeth weekly. I have a reminder set on my phone every Sunday, and I still forget almost every Sunday, but my husband doesn't berate me for it. Brokenankle75 has a good suggestion about pairing their brushing with your own. Or any other activity that makes sense, until it becomes a habit. Give yourself credit for the things you are doing--remembering to feed them and give them their medicine. Those are no small things.

As for the peeing, this is a learned behavior and a very difficult one to correct. (Also, it's great that you've already consulted with your vet to rule out a medical reason, but I disagree with the disrespect comment; dogs just don't think that way, and it can create bigger issues if we view it as such.) You'll need to completely eliminate the odor, and dogs' noses are much more sensitive to this than ours. I've always found Nature's Miracle to be effective, so that's worth trying if you haven't already, but it may not be enough if they've already saturated the same spot over and over. You may need to remove/replace the carpet. Then re-training and constant vigilance (difficult for anyone, but especially for someone with ADHD). It shouldn't fall solely on you to fix it. Maybe consult with a trainer for help? Confine them to another room?

Good luck, and hope things improve for you.

[Lefty1999]

Hi welcome to the group of adhders! I think you're being too tough on yourself. You're doing the best you can with regard to the dogs and their peeing issue. I had rescued two huskys who were abused. They had separation anxiety and would eat my sofas. It took a few years and three couches and the problem resolved. Hope your pup's issues get better too. I too have adhd and have trouble remembering things that I have to do. Sometimes I rely on my phone but mostly I write things down on a to do list. I work six days a week as an x-ray tech. I have a son who also has adhd. Im very forgetful, when I was married I'd always forget something at the store or I'd have real difficulties doing simple but monotonous tasks and we'd be at odds. I think the spouse of an adhder has to get rid of the anger aimed at you, and refocus on how to coexist and make things work well in a marriage. Marriage counseling was helpful and help set aside differences in a neutral setting. I think you should write down some of your strengths and weaknesses. Focus on what you can do very well. Try to stay positive. We are all with you on this journey called life.. best wishes Rob

[zonarosso]

One thing I know about myself is that I do not do well under pressure. My brain turns to mush and I can't think. If you are not doing it already a set schedule with a very large calendar on the wall might help. Mine is literally 3ftx4ft. I made it out of a white board. One month at a time. Then I use an app with a reminder function for longer term things. Put the big calendar where you can't help but see it. Mine is on the kitchen wall. Use different color markers for different events. Just the act of writing it down will help you remember. Perhaps you need a med adjustment? The dogs are probably sensing all the anxiety in the house. If they are not getting walked at least once a day, do that. Twice is better. Maybe you do it in the morning and your wife at night. It will be good for everybody. Always a treat for them when you get home. Dogs hate being ignored. Religiously take them out every hour when you're home. Different breeds need different things. My Border Collie needed a lot of things that border collies like to do. Mainly being challenged. He could pick a specific toy out of his box of 30. He loved to chew, so lots of chew toys. We'd buy him the cheap squeeker toys and he loved them. I'd buy 6 at a time because he'd chew them to pieces. Outside he had lots of sticks in the yard. I'd throw one, he'd go get it (he would never bring them back! Border collies live to control other critter,including humans) and chew on it for a while. This would go on for hours. He was happy. Work dogs NEED to be useful or they're miserable. For the record I've owned 3 dogs and never once brushed any teeth. Lots of dental chewy's and milk bones. Dogs will do anything for special treats. Cooked chicken was a great training aid. A springer I had loved to chew up shoes. So I'd go to the thrift store and buy him his own shoes. Then he left ours alone! I learned a lot from Cesar Milan (the dog whisperer). He says he doesn't only train the dog, he trains the owner too. Good luck with your situation. I've had to only try to fix one thing at a time or I'd be overwhelmed and paralyzed. Take care and KEEP TRYING!!!

[gphill56]

No specific dog advice (our cats have been the pee problem...and it was definitely behavioral. She once sat on top of the open piano we inherited, looked right at my wife, and peed inside the piano! That's an "FU" message for sure. But...I totally agree with using alarms on your phone to remember things. I use them habitually for some routine things, and sometimes for one-time things. I even set two 15 minutes apart for my mid-day medication, because I know there's a strong chance I'll be too busy to take it right when the alarm goes off; hence the backup.