being happy on your own

[kirmenmir]

honestly i’m an attention hoe, i instantly feel happy when anyone gives me attention, i know it’s not good and i find it really hard to be happy on my own.

but i’ve been learning to over quarantine, one thing that is key is to do what you love without seeking approval, just do it for fun. for example, my passions are singing and dancing, so i go up to the studio and just let it flow without trying to do it perfectly. i find it that when no one sees i can let all tensions go and lose track of time.

that has been keeping me from falling apart and so happy.

on another matter i’ve been taking cbd (from prime my body called focus) to help with adhd symptoms, and it really makes focusing and being productive a lot easier, BUUUUUT it slows the hyperactivity a lot and that does not help with mood, it actually makes me feel sad and anxious.

when i don’t take any medicine i feel a lot crazier in a good way and a lot happier, i like letting my mind flow with whatever it wants.

i dunno if i said anything that makes sense but here is what came out

[lost2bfound]

Hi Kirmenmir. We do tend to ramble, but actually what you have written is very focused and makes a lot of sense. Probably didn't feel like it when you were typing. It sounds like you are trying to find a happy middle grounding. I struggle with that too. I wonder if there are other ADHDers who have the same experience. When either position gets too extreme or overwhelming I tend to retreat to books and tv. Gives my anxiety a rest. Of course, that is not ideal because it surely is addicting. That can lead to depression and all the guilt associated with not being productive. My best cure is spending time studying my Bible and praying. I know that should always be my first choice but thinking about it 'feels' like it will be so much work. Of course when I'm doing it it feels wonderful. So, I'm back to my biggest nemesis, procrastination. Does this sound like a vicious cycle? Yep. I'm finding everyday with adhd is an adventure. I'm learning to be less judgmental with me. Learning to see humor in my crazy world. I'm learning to let others know I know sometimes I appear very not all together but I'm doing the best I can. Again, anyone else out there who can relate? How do you handle this? Did I say something about rambling?

[Hidden in reply to lost2bfound]

Hi Lost2bfound,

I don't procrastinate but I do lose track of time a lot and I'm wondering if the tools that have helped me out would also work for you: Trello on my desktop computer is like a fun bulletin board and Sectograph on my phone/smartwatch for time management. They're both time and task management. Here's what Sectograph looks like on my phone for Thursday which is a really slow day i.postimg.cc/qBZq0Dmr/Smart... I don't even have a workout that day but I usually go swimming or walking on the no workout days so I guess they're not really qualifying as no workout days.

I love reading also, and it's a blessing for your brain. Exercise and reading give our brains and bodies so much care and love; do as much of each as you can and always feel good about them.

[Hidden]

Hi Kirmenmir,

We humans in general, most of us, are sociable; we're anthropologically wired to want companionship and solidarity and approval. That's not weird, that's the norm. We all had different upbringings with varying experiences in our formative years that molded who we are today. If you notice that a majority of what you're doing and saying is to appeal to someone else, counseling may be integral to keep yourself from becoming codependent in a relationship or at risk of harm in other serious situations. I'm not a medical practitioner albeit I grew up with a narcissistic parent, which made me a precocious little sh!t in order to stay safe at home; and all those efforts in reading and trying to understand what was happening with the swirling vortex wherever this parent went with me led to many library searches and much reading about things like personality disorders, family dynamics, and our legal system. I was diagnosed with ADHD by a professional at 38 years old, but I diagnosed my parent way back at 8 and used what I read to mitigate the damage this person caused and still occasionally causes in my life. That's a really long caveat just to say that I'm not a practitioner. If you feel like your need for approval is out of control or you're taking excessive risks beyond the normal level of risk you exert with your ADHD, it would behoove you to find a counselor and get the root of this behavior so that you stay safe. I used to bend the ears of every guidance counselor at every school I attended and oftentimes the librarians also if they asked me what I was working on. Talk to people you respect and trust.