Winning my own brain

[EspressoCat]

hey everyone I would love to know if you had those thoughts and issues like me.

I started working at an administrative job but decided not to take my medication (for ADHD).

I know I need them but honestly aside from uni I don't want to rely on them all my life.

the jobs need a lot of attention to detail which for 80% I manage, but I make mistakes, every day. I really like this job yet the littlest mistake I make kills me.

everyone else in the office looks and works just fine. I feel like I'm the only one struggling at every task, I don't even think my boss sees me as reliable anymore.

everything is so hard and my depression & self-worth are at an all-time low.

should I just take my meds and do a good job?

or is this job just not meant for me?

[HeyImNotCrazy]

I did the exact same thing and I really really REALLY want to encourage you to go back to taking meds. I had an office job and was unmedicated and it was HELL. Everything required attention to detail, a good memory, and an amount of focus/concentration I was just unable to achieve without the meds.

Medications are not a crutch, they are not a bad thing, they are a nessicarily part of life sometimes. You would never look down on a person with diabetes taking insulin or someone who is missing a limb using a prosthesis.

ADHD is not something you grow out of or something that disappears/reappears randomly. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain and taking medication is often a key part in making that imbalance better.

You are NOT a bad fit for this job you are just struggling. I know when I medicated my ADHD my anxiety and depression got so much better, because my ADHD symptoms were feeding the anxiety & depression (RSD, forgetfulness, lack of attention to detail, emotional swings, restless feelings, etc).

You have my 100% support Espresso! You can do it! 💪💯😤

[Rodster]

I feel the same way about taking meds; I don’t want to have to take them forever. My life goes so much better when I am on them though but it just scares me to be dependent on drugs. At this point I don’t know what else to do except take medication. Hopefully they will come out with a permanent fix one day so we don’t have to rely on drugs just to have a normal functioning life at work and at home.

[DesertAl in reply to Rodster]

I found that from time to time I need to stop my ADHD med for a day. I take a timed release Vyvanse; skipping a dose allows me to spend time following distractions and understanding what the drug is helping me with.

At times, I miss my old, undiagnosed ADHD self; I do not miss the impacts of my behaviors.

My suggestion, take your meds. Start with planing your next month, which might include completing a career evaluation, and or engaging counseling for a career change.

Your thoughts about changing the type of job you hold are excellent; although you will suffer fewer impacts by, "steering the course" a bit longer. Try to perceive the whole picture and all the different shades and variations of life that are possible.

BTW, if you're having issues with your meds, talk to your prescriber about the problem.

Meds should be considered as a long term project to find the right solution; communicate, communicate, communicate with your support cohort.

Take your meds, get your work done, and plan for a day in the future.

[EADGBE-ADHD]

We struggle with self esteem because it's been destroyed and trampled on our whole lives. It's normal if you have ADHD to beat yourself up. Just know that you're not stupid, you're simply processing information at a different frequency than other people. Hugs.

[LifeIsLearning]

I have a friend who has ADHD and really benefited from her meds during university and then during an office job. She had to stop her meds when she got pregnant. She didn't pursue getting medication after that since many of her life circumstances had changed including her job, her level of ADHD awareness and strategies, her support system, and people who could help her with the difficult housework.

So, just because it looks like meds will really help you for this job it doesn't mean you'll need them forever. Oh, and everyone makes mistakes, you just might not be seeing the ones your co-workers make. . . . their struggles also might be in different parts of life.