How do I balance family, work, me, and my adult ADHD?

[noles88]

Wade here and I am a 31 yo male car salesman from TX. I have a wife, stay at home mom nuerotypical with anxiety/depression, married for almost 10 years, together almost 12, and 4 amazing kids 9yo boy, 7yo girl, 6yo boy, and 2yo girl I know perfect right!?!?! I work in a small town 25 minutes away and leave around 7 and get home around 630 if I don't need to run errands. That's my M-F, Saturdays are 7 to 430, and I also have one of those days off always Saturday during soccer season, older 3 play. I can leave for family stuff if doubled up my works great and best in world about caring about their employees. I started a few weeks ago working out (running, walk, yoga, body weight workout, ect.) and some days my wife will get up so we can walk together to talk, argue, laugh, and just kind of be alone. Then I get home and I either help cook, eat right away, or go out together. Then its homework/practice/family time/read/bath you know the drill. During school year bedtime was 830 and now its not really working so we have less time. Covid really made it worse of course. Usually go to bed by midnight at the latest. I really don't feel better if a get 7+ hours of sleep I feel exhausted. Most nights we watch tv shows/movies, look at project stuff, house we want, or have talks about problems with life/kids/each other and so on. Some days I get to do things I enjoy like playing video games, team sports stuff, and things I have to do like lawn work, laundry, dishes you know real fun. My wife is amazing and has it tough with the house kids and sometimes me. She feels like I'm another kid or like she has to tell me everything I need to do. I try to pick my battles but sometimes ADHD wins and I blow up. I don't know how to find the right balance. The gaming is really the thing I do for fun and work to not do it to much. Some weeks I play everyday (some days are family games on switch with wife and kids) which makes it hard when I try to take our time to play ghost recon with my hs friend or buddy from the Navy who is married to my sister-in-law. When I do though I don't ever want to get off. I could stay up past 4am and go to work sometimes, I don't do this anymore. But I always try to make sure and do things for her when I want to play like special meal, do things to help kids get in bed, back rubs, let her spend day without kids while she goes to see other sister who came in town, shop at antique stores, or go to her folks for peace and quite. I mess up sometimes and game and parent and that always ends with everyone/everything is fine but she gets pissed I spent 2-4 hrs doing that. I don't know what to do. I know it selfish but we don't have a ton of friends. I am busy my friends don't live in our town and I have small free time and nobody we like has close to the kids we do and the kids and I are loud even when we aren't trying to big mouth problems. My wife is an introvert and worried about bugging people, being to much (me/kids), to tired to want to, or busy cause duh. We go to church and I go to work but she feels like that should be good and the rest of my time needs to be devoted to her and her needs. I know this isn't the case, took me getting my diagnosis and meds to really get this. But sometimes it feels like it if I say I need to decompress due to work stress ect. and she says "I don't have an off day or get to leave my job". I am not saying she is wrong I just don't know how to fit my time in their too. Am I overthinking or being a jerk? Please help thanks!