Adult ADD Inattentive/Borderline Personality Disorder

[rkay48]

Trying to make best choices and advocate for myself. Within last 6 months my psychiatrist had decided due to my emotional intensity and having some life traumas and tragedies happen the last few years that after almost 20 years of being medicated on Adderall which is life changing for me to quit prescribing stimulants due to risk of stimulant inducing serious emotional instability leading to risks that outweigh the benefit of prescribing stimulants. I have been a useless unmotivated broken single mom since going off Adderall and my psychiatrist has been working diligently on trying to find non stimulant replacements and they just are not working. I was on a higher dose since having gastric bypass causing absorption issues in 2006 but I always did well until my emotions and reactions were unstable enough to warrant taking me off. I’m a psych nurse so I get the risk vs benefit rationale but I just don’t get taking away someone’s ability to beat the debilitating symptoms that paralyze my life for something I could work on. Currently in DBT and taking a medication a dopamine agonist called Mirapex(pramipexole) and it has done nothing. I have tolerated the good old fashioned try but I have sought out another provider who has done a evaluation and agrees I should be on a stimulant may not be at higher doses but I feel guilty seeking out care elsewhere and I am struggling with how to tell my current psychiatrist that I feel the treatment I need is not being addressed and I would like to severe the relationship. It has been a nightmare at this institution since moving back to my hometown after domestic abuse in 2006. They have always had this shadow over me about stimulants causing me to be reactionary when I am reacting to things the way anyone else would I get I can be a drama queen and I’m working on that but I was to do this for myself I can’t just let myself agree that I can’t be treated and that my life has to be so hopeless. Also I’m concerned if you have been on higher dose adderall for many years I heard you can form a real tolerance and almost to where you dopamine centers check out hence being so miserable off it. The dopamine agonist I’m on dose nothing. I want to be treated again but want to beat medication and there is research that Ritalin is not so neurotoxic with long term use. That’s another thing anytime you have higher doses or state the efficiency of the medication or dose isn’t quite right you immediately get looked at like a abuser misuser. I just want the medications I need to be productive and purposeful. Thanks kinda a run on rant.