ADD (Inattentive), trauma and alcohol.

[ADDandMe]

Hi everyone 👋🏼

I’m new here and hope to make some connections with like minded people who are also trying to live their best life managing their ADHD and doing the work to help heal past traumas. I’ve been finding out about the link between ADHD, childhood trauma and drinking - and it turns out we’re more likely to have experienced trauma but also there’s 43% higher prevalence of alcohol dependence in people with ADHD.

I stopped drinking almost 23 months ago - and am looking at myself clearly as an adult for the first time. Not yet on medication. I can see all my self soothing and self sabotaging behaviours for what they were. And are (overeating is my current fix). I’d love to get to a place where I can manage the torrent of thoughts in my head and turn them into a neat day of events and jobs well done, but I’m slowing coming to terms with the fact, that with ADHD, adjusting the goal can sometimes be more realistic idea, in the short term at least. In order to be kind to yourself ♥️

[Macweb3000]

Hi ADDandMe,

Nice to meet you and welcome to the community. First off very well said. I like your attitude and can tell you’ll be just fine if you keep that mindset. I also find your post interesting as I’ve also thought of past trauma and from my understanding I think people with ADHD are less equipped to handle certain stress levels. To put it into perspective let’s say there are (2)5 year olds . One is a neurotypical and the other has ADHD if they are both subjected to the same stressful event which we can categorize as an 8 out of 10. The neurotypical kid has a stress threshold of 9 and the adhd kid has a stress threshold of 6 or 7 (all hypothetical of course). You can see where I’m going with this and to be clear this is just showing my perspective as to why we experience trauma more frequently. Just means we have to be more proactive and experimental than neurotypicals.

Congratulations on 23 months sober. I am currently fighting my own addiction demons and any advice you have I’m all ears. But I find it easier to face them when I can gain bandwidth. This idea of bandwidth comes from externalizing our inner thoughts. Think about working memory and how ADHD floods it so we can’t use it correctly. Writing makes it possible to get that power back. Using the bullet journal I can get everything out of my head , using the slip box method I can learn and make sure I never forget good information that could lead to insight, by understanding what emotions mean by definition I can handle them better. I hope this helps a bit.

Sincerely,

Brian Weber

[FindingTheAnswers in reply to Macweb3000]

ADDandMe and Macweb3000, both well said. Add'ers do have a higher tendency for addictions of all types. Mine is worry. In my family, previous childhood trauma (and addictions) are a multi-generational dysfunction, going back to at least my Grand Parents. I believe it's that for the generation before, it's the same as mine. When I got in my mid thirties, I started talking to older relatives about what they saw and the environment they grew up in. I heard a lot that put the past into a better understanding; basically you don't tell your kids that Grandpa was an alcoholic or that he had a problem with alcohol. You put and leave those skeletons in the closet and pretend they never happened. Plus, most people can't put it in a better/self honest perspective, and we feel guilty if we say true/but negative things about family. That pain is too great also. From about the age of 13, my Father was truly a crazy dry drunk. And yet I still love him and miss the Dad I knew before his demons got the better of him. And based on what I heard from relatives, he was probably in the same situation he put me in. So he experienced the same Trauma, but his Demons were so bad, he couldn't change things? Obviously not. You can't stop your mind from running 100mph and get away from its torment-so they use Alcohol, or something else, all in trying to get some relief. They'll do whatever it takes to make it stop. Sometimes I call it Brain Static. The brain static is always there, from low volume to full blast. And full blast is horrible). And alcohol turns the volume down. For a little while. So does Adderall for me. For a little while. Then very slowly (insidiously) it comes back. And it usually takes me a while to realize my Rx has worn off. So why not take my Rx at regular times? about 50% of the time I won't need it just then. There is the fear of running out of my Rx and going back to the place I was in my younger days. For all of the past that ADD played a part in-including childhood all the way into my mid-thirties, it bothers me just to think about them. I had good times, especially with my friends. It's hard for some people to believe that my teenage friends were more,,,,(?) rational, reasonable,,, and a lot more. They helped me keep my sanity-truly.

So Kudos to you both for trying to get a better handle on this before it goes any farther.

And keep trying. NEVER GIVE UP!

[ADDandMe in reply to FindingTheAnswers]

Thanks FindingTheAnswers

Inter generational trauma is definitely alive and making its presence known 😞. Have you watched The Wisdom of Trauma documentary by Gabor Mate? You can find it online and payment is optional. It blew my mind and helped me to find compassion for myself and for the traumas of my past. Here’s to healing and finding ways to calm the storm within each of us. Working on the vagus nerve through breath work, yoga and somatic movement is important to lower stress levels. I’ve also tried sound baths and reiki meditation. Spending time in nature and setting boundaries are all important ways of protecting ourselves from the patterns that we were born into. Gabor is also ADHD so I find his work so interesting and relevant. Also Bessel Von der Kolk’s work and book - The Body Keeps the Score.

[ADDandMe in reply to Macweb3000]

Thanks for your reply Brian! I get your point about the trauma vs stress threshold example. Though I have to say I score pretty high on the ACEs scale in comparison to my siblings. I think that our ADHD sensitivities perhaps makes us more vulnerable to experiencing trauma in the first place as we put ourselves in the middle of situations or try to people please etc. it’s definitely one to investigate.

Funny you mention about bandwidth - I was thinking this EXACT thing the other day driving to work. That I need to get onto a high speed fibre optic band 😂 there are just too many thoughts.

I’ve read about bullet journals but not enough. This sounds like something I should disappear down a rabbit hole to find out more about!

Re the addiction - it’s taken me years (13 in fact) to get a handle on my ‘grey area’ yet culturally acceptable binge drinking. 3 bottles of wine a week was the staple plus some extras. Fully functioning part time teacher. I read Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck, The Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray, saw a hypnotist and joined the I Am Sober online community - and read a lot of Gabor Mate’s work (In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts- close encounters with addiction and Scattered Minds - the Origins and Healing of ADHD). Exercise has also been key for me - I now get up at 5.30 to go do a Bootcamp style circuits class 3 times a week and that helps to keep me on the straight and narrow.

[Jozlynn in reply to ADDandMe]

Just wanted to add that the works of Gabor Mate are freaking fantastic! LOVED In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts. WOW...what an eye-opener! I'm so excited to read (or listen, more likely) his most recent book The Myth of Normal!!!

[ADDandMe in reply to Jozlynn]

Yay! So pleased to hear you are also a fan Jozlynn. I watched his interview with Stephen Bartlett on Diary of a CEO on YouTube last night. I follow him on social media too. #slightlyobsessed 😂 I can say that out loud here - phew! 😅

I’d love to experience some sessions with a Compassionate Inquiry practitioner - or even attend a course one day myself.

[Jozlynn]

Hi ADDandMe! Love your user name! This post really resonated with me. I spent years doing battle with addiction in general because I was undiagnosed and unaware that I was self-medicating. I am now 9 years sober and couldn't be more thankful. What a mess I made of life while drinking and living on (prescribed) pain medication. I feel like I was simply absent from my family's "real" lives for years.

You have a great attitude and perspective and that will really help. I hope you're able to try meds for ADHD soon, as they have been an absolute life-saver for me. I got into therapy for the trauma, which has really given me excellent tools for addressing it. I will live with emotional scars for the rest of my life, but it's a little like a scar on your skin - get a little Strataderm and scar patches (= therapy) and the scar starts to fade little by little. It's still there, but it's not so obvious and ugly anymore. Being diagnosed and treated for ADHD literally made me feel like I did a 180 in my life, because for the first time I truly understood my actions and emotional reactions, and felt equipped to continue on with life.

Wishing you all the best!

[ADDandMe in reply to Jozlynn]

wow Jozlynn, this means so much to read about our commonalities and be reassured by someone further down the path than me that things can improve. Thanks for taking the time to share your insights and experiences. I’m so pleased to have found this space where others like me exist!!!

I very much look forward to finding out how meds and therapy can support me to overcome some of the obstacles that have been standing in my way and heal. 😊

[Spas1968]

Yes. I'm feeling you. Many shocks when you start realising who you are. One was when I realised that at age 40, I wasn't age appropriate and was like an overages teenager.