Can’t fall into a hole

[Jengirlmama]

I need to force myself to get out of the house more these days. Otherwise I sit at home thinking too much and stop being proactive and think about bad stuff and say bad things to myself. I need also to be aware of all the horrible things I say to myself in my head. I tried something when I was a kid. A friend showed me this when she was trying to quit chewing her nails. I’ll wear a rubber band and give it a light snap when I say something bad to myself. Then force myself to say 2 things good, turning the phrase around.

[Woodley1]

I was diagnosed at the age of 40 with ADD. I was being treated for bipolar ocd anxiety disorder. I recently feel like you are feeling. I am not productive at all. By the end of the day I am angry at myself. I do not want to go outside. I have gained weight. I dislike everything about myself. None of this has any thing to do with the pandemic. I have a 38 year old daughter that loves life. She is a 13 year Tramatic Brain Injury Survivor. I have no problem getting ready to take her to her do for appointments. But I feel I am keeping her captive in my disease. I hate myself more and more. I have explained this to my doctor. My brain becomes over whelmed with all the things that need to get done. I try hard to try to do one thing and accomplish that one thing. Before beginning something else. I can not do it!!!!!. I love being out side. But not at all now. I have very strong faith. I pray and I finally will attempt something around 2:00 pm. And when I get tired I stop. I thought getting a little of something was better than nothing. I have become even harder on myself for not completing a task. It is like a vicious cycle. I try very hard to find something positive in everything except for me. I am a single mother who has been a full time care taker for 13 years. I a am also rasing my 16 year old grandson. I try to hide all of this from them. But they know something is wrong. I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could find the answer for us both. Living with ADD and additional mental health issues. Has been difficult for me my entire life. I am 60 now. Life has not seemed to change. However. I will not give up on my self. I will find a way to learn to love the person I am. God does not make mistakes.

[MrsKlco]

Hello, Sorry for the way you are stuck in negativity. When I am stuck like you, and there have been MORE days in negative land then positive. Having said that, I run to my therapist and may have to analize my meds with my doctor. Many times I feels better with my therapist and we don't have to touch my meds.

I do not love the fact that I take medication but after 20+ years of not feeling "normal" I finally feel great. Negativity does not reside in my head. SO I feel terrible for you and encourage you to seek help, maybe with a friend, therapist, or? I also go for a fast walk everyday that really helps!! When angry or frustrated from work or my kids I walk faster and longer...

I hope this works,

Renee

[Woodley1 in reply to MrsKlco]

I have been searching for a Theraptist. Unfortunately I have not been successful yet. My insurance has refered me to Mental Health Clinics. I went to several appointments for evaluations. First thing they want to do is manage my medication. Rather than my Psychiatric Dr. Then I am told they will not prescribed the medications I have been taking for over 20 years. My prescription history was reviewed by a Practitioner. I was told I could be seen at the clinic. However I had to decide what medication I was willing to stop taking. My meds for anxiety or my meds got ADD. I asked Are you telling me to decide if I suffer from anxiety or ADD. Or which illness I want to be treated for. I Thanked them and said no thank you. I have to pay my Psychiatrist as self pay because his office dies not take my insurance. It has been frustrated not being able to find a Theraptist. I have no doubt I need one. Thank you for your reply. I have been feeling better than I have in a long time. I still struggle with time management. I have not completed one project yet. Not have I started any new project. I think about many things I want to do again outside. I am seeing something positive in everything. I am blessed with so much than I deserved to be. My negativity is now gratitude. I walk by Faith not buy sight. I feel like I was walking backwards for a while. I was walking by sight and not by Faith.