Mother of an ADHD woman!

[8TheGlen]

Support is so important to the individual with ADHD. However, I have had no support to know weather I was doing the right of wrong thing or on tough days had anyone to talk to as the supporter. My daughter was diagnosed at 26 years old and is a very high achiever but had always been a challenge. Helping her work her way around difficult if had been hard especially as most of the time I had no idea what I was doing of dealing with

[Momofadult]

Mom to a 24 year old here. I’ve struggled mightily to find support - ADHD support groups are for parents of kids; NAMI parents don’t view ADHD as an illness or a “real” illness, even with comorbid disorders they advertise being support for (depression, anxiety). Sounds like your daughter has “flown” successfully; we’re not there yet. I’m so heartbroken for my daughter , and I need support for myself.

[noahryan0709 in reply to Momofadult]

Hang in there some days are better than others. I'm the mother of a 20 yr old son

[noahryan0709]

Yeah it's hard with an adult child with ADHD there are a lot of trying times. My son was diagnosed at 7 and when he was about 13 I had a psychological evaluation done on him at one of the local colleges. Part of their treatment plan mentioned that I needed to seek professional help to assist me with dealing with my own mental health. This son will now be 20 in July and he is very much a challenge for me at times, sometimes I wanna throw in the towel so that I dont drive myself crazy listening to his illogical rationale and not understanding how life works yet. I'm thinking why I'm I arguing with someone I had to help constantly to complete his assignments to graduate from high school. Ugh! Hang in there we need each others personal stories in order to cope at times.

Cori

[HonestAbe]

God Bless all of the mothers (parents) wanting to learn how to help their ADHD/ADD children - especially their adult children.

It’s bitter sweet for me to hear some stories because I was diagnosed as an adult and found myself without a support system.

Hopefully anyone diagnosed, is choosing be responsible and take their medication. (Medication wears off though)

Keep this in mind...

Everything is completely situational.

Your child feels safe letting their “responsible side” take a break when they are with you. So if your adult child says something hurtful or maybe makes you feel as though you need to solve their problems, know that they just feel safe “venting” to you. They are excellent problem solvers by nature; maybe all they might need is just in that moment to know you believe in them and that’s enough to reignite their self confidence.

Remember they are probably very bright and highly creative... they struggle and get frustrated with their own impatience and maybe challenges with communication - written & verbal? On top of that, they may really be better than someone else at something but aren’t always in a position to showcase their strengths. Their time will come.

The best things you can do is let them create their own systems.

When you sense they’re stressed,

ask them what’s frustrating them most at that moment. It may be something really small. Offer to help, but ask first if they want some suggestions.

[8TheGlen in reply to HonestAbe]

Thank you for replying. My daughter is very articulate and creative. She has 2 degrees and is a journalist. I am her support system and she has just returned home after living 150 miles away in London as an editor on a high profile magazine. When she got the job it was my worst nightmare but she had to it. I supported her totally but was worried sick. Eventually it was all to stressful and overwhelming. Her employers were not really supportive even though she had told them about her ADHD. She often feels a failure and that she has let me down, which of course she hasn’t, I couldn’t be prouder, all I want is for her to be safe and happy. She attracts men but they are usually not as bright as her and quickly get jealous of her and can’t cope with her which dents her already fragile confidence and causes her a great deal of distress. All of her boyfriends are very similar to one another. She does say some very hurtful things and can leave me in an utter mess, however that has reduced as she has got older. I just worry about her most of the time as she is a risk taker and doesn’t always see how dangerous some of her ideas and judgements are. I could go on but I just hope and have hoped for most of her life that I am doing and saying the right thingS for her. We do love each other very much and I do know that she values me

[Owlbird]

The fact that you show curiosity is supportive. Your daughter is fortunate!

[zonarosso]

Dad of 28 y/o ADHD son. I have found the best way to support my son is education for myself. The more I understand, the easier it is. The one thing that helped me most was the realization that ADHDers do not think in a linear way. My son described it this way- ' my thought process is like this- there are steps to accomplish something. As compared to a linear thinker, my steps are put in a big basket which is shaken up. I do not know which step is first so I reach in and grab one. It may be the first step or the last step. I do not know'. This causes great frustration for him. Once I realized this and started to understand the characteristics of an ADHD person my life got easier. He does not want me to help him, he wants to do it himself. He wants me to just listen because, as he explains it, talking about it helps him figure it out. All I have to do is be quiet and let him talk. We now have an understanding that if he needs help, he has to ask for it. My wife and I definitely had to throw out ANY expectations for him. He is not going to follow ANY 'normal' life path and that's OK. We refuse to let any societal pressure affect us. He is a kind, caring person with a brain that works in a different (and in many ways better) than some people. We love him dearly and have learned to accept him for who he is. Good luck with your daughter. She is functioning in ways that many ADHDers cannot. And probably the best advice is this- 'Patience is a virtue'.