Help with chores-my husband has ADHD

[EH2019]

Hi everyone,

My husband has ADHD and we get into constant arguments about chores. I usually do most of the chores because he has difficulty starting and completing things that need to be done. I've finally given up on doing things for him, just to demonstrate how much I've been taking on. (I work full time and go to school full time, and I planned our wedding). I'm burnt out.

*We've been together for 9 years prior to being recently married

*We already have a house keeper come one a month

But I'm so over doing everything. I want a partnership where we share chores equally, but he feels better just being responsible for his things right now.

I think I'm frustrated because I got married for the companionship and partnership, but that's not what I'm getting. I don't feel like a wife, I feel like a single gal all over again. I just want someone to take care of me as well as I have taken care of him until now. I'm struggling.

[Skittlebrain]

I would recommend this book I just got called “The ADHD Effect on Marriage Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps” by Melissa Orlov. I’m not that far into it but so far it’s really great, I’m the one with adhd and my husband does not have it and our situation is very similar to yours, we have been married for almost two years bur have been together since 2009. The chore thing has put a strain on our relationship but I’m learning how I can cope with this disorder and be more helpful to him. This book is a teaching tool and I’m loving it so far.

[EH2019]

Thanks for the suggestion. I read the sample excerpt on Kindle and immediately felt like the author understood. I bought it immediately, I read the part about how the non-ADHD spouse felt and how the ADHD spouse felt, to my husband and he agreed that it could be helpful to both of us on gaining insight on each other perspectives. I've lived with "the ADHD effect" for 9 years now and had no clue that it was this common. I cried tears of joy today because you and this book put words to what I've been feeling. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[ang0526]

I’m the one with ADHD and still experience the same problem with the the amount of responsibilities I have at home. I’ve started telling my husband when I get home and start cooking supper while he’s watching the news (Yes, I see that as resting while I come home and ‘clock in’) that I need him to help me. The clothes need washing, check book needs balancing, some bills need to be paid and then the dishes need to be washed. He doesn’t notice I never get to sit down and rest. I’m not someone that fusses and fights. I just simply say ‘Can you help me’. He is always willing and I always say ‘thank you so much ‘. They love appreciation. Someone is going to say you shouldn’t have to ask or say thank you for something like this but it works. Some men are aware of the domestic needs at home and some don’t have a clue and need to be shown. I’m sure it has to do with how they were raised but hang in there. I hope it helps.

[Lovinit]

You mentioned he just want to be responsible for his stuff but house chores is his just as much as yours.