New here...wife of an ADHDer with heart murmur

[ADHDwifeand]

Hello all!

I'm new to the site. I was wondering if anyone had any advice. My husband is 33, diagnosed with ADHD two years ago. He has a congenital heart murmur so he can't take any meds for it,and doesn't want to try pot. He "doesn't feel like" working out, doesn't stick to "diets", and doesn't think he needs to see anyone. I'm Caucasian and he's not. He thinks psychologists are for "white people" and "white people problems". I work two jobs and am in school full time, we have two children. He works a full time IT job. I'm super stressed trying to take care of everything and remember everything for all of us when he can't remember to even take out the trash but has no problem playing video games for six hours at a time. He gets fixated on certain things - right now he's decided he needs to make a six course meal because if not he'll fall asleep at four in the afternoon. He sometimes starts cleaning at midnight and we fight because he thinks I should be up helping him (usually it's something ridiculous like cleaning out a closet or washing walls). I'm frustrated and tired.

Any advice?

[juli1357]

Wow! You are in a tough spot. I'm going to recommend a book to you. You already know he has ADHD so skip the first section that helps you figure out if he might have ADHD or not. The second section is about strategies that will help you motivate him to seek the help he needs to change. If you have already tried all of these strategies to no avail, move to the third section which walks you through what your options are when you have a partner with ADHD who does not want to seek help. amazon.com/gp/aw/d/14338230...

I want you to be aware that there are medication options that are not stimulants. Generally people feel that the stimulants are more effective but there are plenty of people with ADHD who for various reasons cannot take stimulant medications.

Last but not least, there are plenty of people with ADHD who have been diagnosed and received helpful treatment who are not "white." I know you know this, but given that your husband does not, I would recommend you share with him this list of famous people with ADHD. The one thing they share in common is that all have been able to become incredibly successful in their fields because they were diagnosed and received appropriate treatment. I'm sure your husband will find people in this group who share his ethnicity and background. My hope is that seeing he is not the only one may make him more receptive to getting the help he needs. By the way, one name that I do not believe that is on this current list but should be is Simone Biles, the world renowned Olympic gymnast who is a former foster child. addadult.com/add-education-...

I wish you the best of luck!

[Lovinit]

Wow I’m sorry that your having to deal with this. It’s hard when someone is in denial. Getting though to him can feel impossible. I hope something changes soon because. It sounds like eventually something will have no choice but to and it may be hard and feel scary but if you don’t you’ll brake. My friend wanted her boyfriend to see someone she believes he has depression he doesn’t do anything around the house he leaves his stuff everywhere she’s been living in her with his mess everywhere and he get mad and doesn’t want anyone touching his stuff but he won’t put anything away he denies he’s depressed and refused to see someone and she in the beginning she’d rather live with it then the alternative braking up. Now she’s at the point where she’s not going to continue to live her life this way and if he doesn’t do something she’d rather not be with him. He finally agreed to see someone they have an appointment next week. It took a lot of time and patience and she’s still being patient and giving him a chance to change but she at this point unsure weather he’s the one for her or not.

[Tiggerakafidgity]

Hi there.

I’ve adhd and something called lqt syndrome.somet to do with the erratic behaviour in between the beeps.

I’m in stimulants besides other meds.

I have an ecg every 3 months and then I see my psychiatrist a week after.

Yeh it’s lower than last time but have never felt anything wrong with me.

Often it’s the anti psychotic meds that have an effect but even pain killers can have an effect.

I’ve a deal with my psychiatrist.

In that I would rather live another ten years feeling good as apposed to another 40 yrs of being so paranoid that I will be killed by any one and physically being sick every time and having chronic shakes and diorrear.

In my report it states that I’m putting my self at risk but I am of sound mind.

I’ve a mate who had undiagnosed adhd.

His daughter has been diagnosed with adhd.

He says he doesn’t have time for all that shxxt.

I used to work with him.i now refuse to.i am a very tolerable person but I used to scream when I got home.

I told him time after time to get him self sorted but he won’t.

Ppl often associate a diagnosis as being week.

It’s week not to deal with it.

I’m s changed person and I was diagnosed at 38,I’m now 48.im now settled married and have two wonderful children.yes we are so very different,mostly in a good way.we do though see life from such a different angle though and it can get very tiring.

I would have thought though that IT is a very good job for some one with adhd as it’s a challenging area and we never give up.

[Tiggerakafidgity]

Hi there again.

Sorry I was meant to say wow you’ve got it hard.

I would have thought you must be at breaking point ?

As I was diagnosed at a late stage in my life it’s kinda handy that I can see adhd on both sides.

Ppl with adhd do usually have anger issues which can destroy the other partner.

I feel for you.

I guess he really is in denial and doesn’t want to appear week to be honest.

I always new that something was up with me.

To be honest when I was diagnosed that was just such a weight of my shoulders and of I went on my challenge.me my hobby of my self