Unwelcomed thoughts

[Polyrose]

Hi I’m new here, and honestly I’m so done with my brain. So I was diagnosed with ADHD about 2 years ago but throughout my life I’ve always felt I had it, now it’s just official on paper. And throughout my life it’s been extremely debilitating both emotionally and physically. I know most of the symptoms but there’s one symptom that I haven’t really heard anyone discuss (if it’s even a symptom: I’m not sure, maybe it’s not even ADHD but something else) but I get racing thoughts. With those thoughts sometimes they are quick and unwanted. I could be doing something completely normal like eating breakfast or putting away laundry and I’ll get these unwanted uncomfortable thoughts (not going into detail) that make me get triggering depression and anxiety. It’s like my brain has a mind of its own... I’m not sure if I explained everything correctly. I want to know if other people get racing unwanted thoughts from a day to day basis that they also want to just empty their head... if I could give away my Brain and not think or feel anymore I’d definitely do it.

[dgs2018]

Hi Polyrose and welcome to this board. Yes, everyone has racing thoughts and I believe that's true for the non-ADHD population as well. We get random thoughts because our brains are so complex that no one really understands fully what's going on up there. Thoughts/feelings are often unwanted and random so you have to learn to ignore, ignore, ignore them. You have to replace them with positive thoughts because we are humanly prone to negativity and worry about everything. Believe me, no one has an easy time in this area. Replace those negative thoughts because they will take you to dark places. You can start a journal of accomplishments in your life and look at what's going right. God speed on your journey.

[Daen]

Yes; that happens to me too. However I'd also say that not all the things that people experience is down to their ADHD alone; it's almost unheard of not to have other things as well - these are often referred to as comorbid conditions.

[migalley]

Yup! Diagnosed at 41. So prior to that I always felt my symptoms were just a part of who I was. Those symptoms have caused so much drama in my personal and professional life. After repeatedly thought of as a space cadet, idiot, loser, etc for years, I started to internalize those words. This led to depression, which led to more accusations of being a space cadet, idiot, loser, and that led to more depression. Wash rinse repeat.

From 2011 to 2017 I had daily thoughts of suicide by gun. Quick and fleeting thoughts. Not sure how the hell I made it through a tour in Afghanistan armed with a machine gun and pistol. It became such a part of my life that I didn't think much of it. When you say "want to just empty their head" that's exactly what I wanted to do.

In the summer of 2017 I started taking welbutrin for the off-label benefit of treating ADHD. Long/short...didn't work. However, after countless hours of therapy and mg/day doses the thoughts went away. I then realized, "oh, it's not normal to have thoughts of shooting yourself everyday".

What I discovered after all this treatment was that I didn't want to die. I just wanted to "empty my head" of the "space cadet, idiot, loser" part of me that caused so much stress, worry, pain and depression in my life and those around me.

So in the end, I don't want to give my brain away. My brain made me an expert pistol marksman, Distinguished graduate of multiple military training programs, able to learn highly specialized skill sets, cope with extreme levels of stress that others would fall apart under and adapt quickly to changing environments. The part of my brain that's a space cadet, idiot, loser, and causes me to have suicidal thoughts is the part of working on everyday with meds, therapy, and sites like this.

[ericcossette]

yeah man I get those . I think it may be things that are unresolved that are in the subconscious. they wont go away. I think it would be good for you to do some cognitive behavioral therapy. though make sure you keep looking for someone who you are compatible with. I think we create patterns in our minds and they will keep reoccurring as long as we give them energy. The act of resisting them give them power. stay productive and keep friends and family close.