The reason for my last post/Thank you for the support.

[Codebox42]

Okay I know a lot has seen my last post and I was surprised to get a lot of support comments there, but in a way I kinda felt bad about leaving a pretty dramatic post so I suppose I'll explain the reasons why I claimed I give up on trying to search for help when it comes to my focus and control. Recently things have just been hitting me way harder than normal, depression, constant inferiority and even the ability to keep up with friends have been such obstacles when they shouldn't be. I shouldn't have something as simple as trying to keep up with friends feel like its own workplace and I just feel distant and alone, considering the condition of ADHD feels like something people with similar experience will only relate and understand, because it doesn't even feel like trying to get other's to understand doesn't effect anything in the long run. So I'm mostly just trying to toughen things out. Or at least try to. I'm not sure if this same experienced is shared but, I'm a routine person, once I have a routine or have something I do daily it instantly becomes a thing I can adapt to instantly, I must do things as scheduled by a routine, and considering my conditions of being somewhat sheltered it's not exactly the perfect way for me get into grips with things. It sounds stupid to people but that's just how I work, I need a routine to maintain some type of function and order, even for the most mundane things, it's how things get going for me. And that's something I have a hard time communicating to others about. I also get frustrated in how hard it is to explain certain things to people around me, as something as silly as organizing things can be a big thing, it sounds stupid, but people don't understand that you need some kind of motivation or routine to go by things.

Anytime I do try and get help it's also cut off or something happens that I just end up back at square one, and I don't tell anybody because I feel bad that my own problems might overshadow other's problems, and I always question myself if worrying or wanting the need to get help is a self involved priority. Not only that but, there have been a lot of things I've wanted to do for the past 3 years that have just passed by due to how hard it is to control or maintain complete focus for a long period. Most of which are hobby related. I also just get scared with how this will progress as I get older, I'm 24 and already worried about things a lot. And have a lot of priorities I want to do. I'm starting to adapt to one of them and trying to get use to this medication I'm one to see what kind of progress it has on me. It does seem to be effecting certain areas, but not all of them. Regardless I haven't noticed a complete change, though this could change from not having it as consistently yet. I gave up because I just don't know what to do anymore, however as weird as it sounds I do have fun expressing my thoughts on here because it does feel good to have people that can relate. I'm not sure if a lot of you like my posts, but hopefully it doesn't sound like too much, I'm really not a depressed person, I'm just in need of some help and have no options to speak of.

And no I'm not asking for any sort of pity, I just simply want someone who can understand. And at times it does feel like I've become my disability rather than having one. And I know giving up just won't help either and I have been viewing some very interesting topics on the matter of ADHD because I think it should be something everyone should view themselves. ADHD does vary depending on people and I did hear it gets worse untreated as an adult. Communication is also hard to control. I will say things are okay at the moment.

Also to note I will make an update relating to this post when any other thoughts come to mind.

[lisariver]

Hi Codebox,

You're probably wise in knowing that routine keeps you in the best focus, which you really want to have when you're working or studying, so it seems really good that you've been able to recognize that. I tend toward spontaneity because I have to mix things up to maintain an interest. In response to your passing by a lot of interest, that might be a positive thing too, at least for now. You're in college right? I'm overwhelmed with too many interests and it can really feel like a burden at times, feeling spread thin. Maybe you make room for spontaneity during times you're not working toward a goal, or when you have some time off. I hope I understood your post right. It was a little difficult for me to hold onto all the content and try to respond but I think it's great you're pursuing your interests and making a career out of it.

Lisa

[Lovinit]

Have you looked up comorbidity? When’s the last time you had seen your psychiatrist? I think it’s a good idea to get an appointment and tell him/her everything. There job is to help you. From listening to you you sound the way I sounded a year ago and I found a doctor that has helped me tremendously. I not saying my doctor has got me all doped up on meds. The opposite. I am taking three medications each has its purpose. In addition to ADHD I also have had anxiety not sure if it’s because of me ADHD or not but it needed to be dealt with to get myself feeling better. Last year he started me on a low dose for my anxiety. I take my medications everyday day and it’s been a year and I feel more normal now than I ever have before. I’m finally able to start focusing on living me life. Before my symptoms were my life and that’s no way to live. Please let me know what you plan on doing. I hope you will get the right medication the first go around unfortunately not everyone is that lucky it’s a trial and error but what do you have to loose. NOTHING Let me know. You got this!

[Lovinit in reply to Lovinit]

Sorry I really sound edit afterwards

[Codebox42 in reply to Lovinit]

It wasn't too long, but I gotten a letter from my insurance provider that they wouldn't help me any longer in regards to that psychiatrist, so I basically just gave up hoping to get help at this point. I've tried like 4 different ones, but none seem to work out or I don't go for very long due to circumstances always intervening. (Some are actually important though) so I've just continued to stay silent and just not care and try to put up with my increasing difficulty to focus on tasks and while living with a sheltered mindset. It's extremely hard for me to really get any help due to my current living condition (and by this I don't mean anything that has to do with financial reasons or anything like that, it's due to the fact that I'm very limited on where I can go) I largely don't say anything to people around me anymore about it because I know the same outcome will just happen or don't want to pester others with talking about it, as I feel telling others hasn't really helped much anyway.

I just don't know what to so anymore. My meds are currently not helping, it seems when I think about what I'm wanting to focus on so often it just makes my need for time progress worse and I don't know any other solutions around this.

[Lovinit in reply to Codebox42]

So you’re saying you found a psychiatrist you liked but insurance doesn’t work with that doctor? If that’s the case, call up that doctor leave him a message explaining you like working with him but you aren’t accepting my insurance. Can you please refer me to someone you recommend and take xxx insurance. Thank you. Finding a doctor who you feel comfortable talking to was my 1st step on the right track. My doctor knows everything. He has to if he’s going help you. Unfortunately there are so many doctors you mis diagnosis and treat patients. It’s sad. So keep trying! My doctor knows i did drugs when i was a teenager, smoked pot since 1995-2017 on a regular basic. And know why i would. What I’m trying to say is my doctor i feel like he gets it. Like he is the first doctor I’ve ever spoken to who is very knowledgeable about adhd. What a F-ing relief. Finally someone who’s getting it. I tried to see if my doctor could be the total package for me ex: i need help like adhd therapist, life coaching. There are a lot of things i missed growing up and still don’t understand and i need some direction and someone to help navigate me in the right direction.

He could not do that, i tried talking to him as if he was my therapist and i could see his face he was so lost and couldn’t follow what i was talking about. And that’s okay. A women i met about 4 months ago has helped me achieve things i couldn’t do before. She has changed my life. I think she’s an angel because she volunteered her time. She got me using a couple good apps for staying organized and helped me create systems for my life. What seems so easy was very hard at first for me. I broke down one day. And we back scaled. And cont. forward. The more i practice the better i got and my life got a lot easier. Sounds boring but daily routines/ rituals. Daily plan i use iCal. Leaning to write everything down. No more automatic thinking.

If you need some help with anything, i will try my best to help. Let me know