Feeling alone. Feeling misunderstood. New member who just needed to vent family issues.

[Colorlove]

I’m having these feelings of feeling alone and misunderstood. Struggling finically. Pressured by my sister to finically get better. Learning that I have to pay for college classes out of pocket. Learned that I’ve been living with Attention Deficit Disorder this whole entire time I’m pretty sure there is something else, a learning disability that I might not be aware of. I can tell. I’ve been feeling anxious and overwhelmed this whole summer. And the only person who seems to understand me and support me and root for me is my therapist. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t even be aware of what I’ve been living with, I wouldn’t have gone back to school.. learning that I’ve been living with ADD has been eye opening, a relief yet scary. I come from a low income community, and living in a house hold where my mother is a single parent, who works in a restaurant all her life, live to work, doing things all by herself, in debt always, always struggling finically. All she know is work and trusting that Jesus is going to do the work for her and her family. She doesn’t understand mental health, she doesn’t understand other cultures especially my own. So most of the time she’ll say hurtful things not to intentionally hurt but because she doesn’t understand. All she knows is work work work. I have a sister who is like 9 months younger than me. Our relationship? We’re close but yet so far apart. Growing up, I was always annoying her, it was as if she was the older sister annoyed of her little sister. I was impulsive as a kid. I mean very. And it bothered her. I bothered her. So she grew angry with me. I’m 23 and she’s 22. Till this day she is angry with me and I’m aware of other things that we both experienced growing up. Now she has a 4 year old daughter. I think she is even angrier with me more than before. During her pregnancy she was so angry with me. I do have a feelin she might have some Narcissistic characteristics. One day she’s stressed because she’s finically not doing okay and when she does close a deal (real estate y’all know how that goes) she’s happy. One day she’s sweet and expresses how motivated she feels and how good she feels then she’s stressed all over again. When I opened up to my family this whole time I’ve been living with ADD, my mom and sister became silent. The after math of that day and today: I have not received any family support, misunderstood, no compassion, nobody wants to try family therapy becuse I mean we are finically struggling so just imagine the blaming, the arguing, the “me me me”. I live in a dysfunctional house hold. And me being aware of it all I’m trying to seek the emotional support that I need through therapy but how about my family? How are we going to emotional support each other if all we do is express worry, fear, anger to each other? So I left. I love my family but I can’t handle my emotions alone plus theirs. I’m a highly sensitive woman. I went to my cousins for this whole summer, but I can’t over stay my stay.. thank healthunlocked and community. Peace and love

[Gabesmom594]

I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time right now. Your mother and sister probably don't understand ADHD or maybe like a lot of people, think you're just making excuses and that it isn't a real disorder. It can be tough to get what someone is talking about if they don't have it themselves. Either way, don't let them get you down. I really hope things start to turn around for you.

[Colorlove in reply to Gabesmom594]

Thank you!

[rach1402]

I know exactly how you feel, I was only diagnosed with ADHD in January last year at the age of 35! It's a shock to the system to find out such a huge thing about yourself as an adult, knowing your life could have been so different if only you had grown up with the help you needed. All we can do is try to make the best of what we have, knowing what we know now. I find the 'How to ADHD' videos on YouTube very informative and they help me feel less alone and more understood. It might be a good idea to share a few of those videos with your family, to present them with the facts from someone who knows a lot about the condition and suffers from it themselves. Do you take medication for your ADHD? There's no cure but the right medication at the right dose can help you to manage your symptoms. Apparently Dexamphetamine (brand name in America is Vyvanse) works best for most adult females. I don't get a choice, my psychiatrist will only prescribe methylphenidate hydrochloride (Ritalin/Concerta) here in the UK, we're so far behind over here. Regarding your suspected learning disability, is it possible you could have dyslexia as well? ADHD and dyslexia often go hand in hand so that might be worth checking out. Are you sure the academic route is definitely for you? The kind of job where you learn skills through training might be more suited to your style of learning. Not necessarily, I'm not suggesting you you should drop out without giving it some serious consideration, just that we can easily switch off mentally. I know in my case I learn things much better when I'm going through the process myself instead of reading about it or watching someone else do it. You might find that you can apply yourself with the right medication though. Unfortunately, it's probably always going to be a battle to get people to understand. Of course it's only natural you want those close to you to understand but after lots of soul searching I've come to the conclusion that acceptance is more important than understanding. As long as you understand your own condition and how to help yourself, what you really need is your family's support even if they don't get it. Don't be too hard on yourself, it's not your fault you've got a brain function disorder. The odds have been stacked against you up to now but with the right help you can achieve your potential in life so don't let it be an excuse either. I hope things improve for you soon x

[Colorlove in reply to rach1402]

Hi Rach! Thank you for sharing. I agree to find out later as an adult it’s like wow! My experience was a sense of relief when I was diagnosed with Attention deficit disorder (not hyper active more the inattentive type). I felt I wasn’t smart enough to succeed but now I don’t blame myself or think that of myself because I’m aware now that I’ve been living with ADD my entire life. My therapist recommended a book for me to read “Driven to Distraction” I had to stop reading I was becoming obsessive and anxious. But there was this part where it spoke of “receptive language disorder” in my teen years I grew to have social anxiety. I was afraid to converse with people because I felt I did it know how to converse. And this language disorder made sense and fit what I’ve been experiencing. I haven’t been diagnosed with it but I will be getting a proper evaluation very soon and will see what goes down.

As for medication. Sometimes I think about it but I’m against medication. I don’t even take over the counter pills for head aches 🙈 I’m more of a holistic approach. The treatments of been taking is psycho therapy. But am seeking more support. And it’s so challenging because I come from low income and can’t afford to pay out of pocket so I have medical insurance. My therapist has been so helpful and my cousin told me to email a guy name Gary Shulamn who is very resourceful for people living with disabilities and mental health. Because of him I found CHADD and include NYC and etc.

I love learning and I love school however I am afraid that I’ll fail like I use to in elementary school through high school. I am going to be receiving services from access-VR where they’ll guide me to finding the right career and school or trade school that fits me. That’s where I’ll be getting a proper evaluation too. Yes I notice I grasp information or understand things through experiencing it and through the emotions I feel when experiencing learning something new. Sometimes I feel like my logic side of my brain is shut off. 🤔

I really like that “I’ve come to the conclusion that acceptance is more important than understanding”. Thank you for sharing that! Although I would love for my family to learn but they aren’t open to it. My sister feels as it’s a burden for her to hear it. I try to send her videos on YouTube but she gets so annoyed. So I just stoped. She’s a smart young lady, if she really wanted to she’ll look it up. It’s as if I was forcing her to learn about it but she’s too busy. And for my mom, she carries a lot of guilt. When I mention something new about myself she has these look in her eyes as if it’s her fault I remind her she is not at fault but just to support me is all I ask. She recently told me shell make time to go meet the professionals who are helping me get evaluation and services so she can explain to them her experiences with me and what was done. So that’s good. But overall I don’t think she understands it because she has these high expectations of me. She wants me to go to college and get married by the age of 30 lol she’s so funny. I’m just extremely grateful to have found this app. I just needed to talk to someone who’s experiencing the same thing or similar. It’s like I’m the only ADDer. I have a teenage cousin but who is living with ADHD. I reach out to him but he’s not into talking about. I also have a big cousin who lives with ADD. We don’t really talk much about it.

Thank you for listening and your response