Helpful Strategy: Body Double

[focusme]

I COMPLETELY related to someone posting about having a scattered mind and scattered life and wanted to post one solution that is INCREDIBLY HELPFUL every time I do it. My friend and I happened upon it but in an ADD class I learned that it’s a recommended technique called “body double.”

When paperwork or other dreaded tasks build up, it’s hard for me to ask for help because 1) I can’t really pay someone to help every time 2) I’m embarrassed about the level of backlog and chaos and 3) much of it feels like tasks that only I can handle because I’ve got so much info in my head. Well, my friend was able to relate so we started booking “work dates.” We plan a 3-4 hour block of time in the same room. At the beginning we take 5-10 minutes to write down what we are most avoiding and determine priorities. We say out loud what we’re hoping to accomplish. We commit to NO CALLS, NO SOCIAL MEDIA, NO EMAIL for the duration of our time together. We set a timer and work for 50-55 mins and then stop (sometimes flexing time a little if we’re not both at good stopping point) and then we DANCE FOR 5 minutes to celebrate doing something we didn’t want to do!

Three things happen with this practice: 1) I’m sooooo much more motivated just by having another focused person in the room (and this was the benefit named by the ADD coach for adults and kids alike.) 2) I feel excited about work dates because they include some silliness/ fun and they also benefit my friend (so I feel less ashamed for needing help). 3) I ALWAYS start to feel empowered within about 10-15 mins of starting the dreaded tasks and the momentum builds to complete it...starting is in itself a motivator. I end up asking myself EVERYTIME, “Wait, why was I avoiding this? It’s not THAT hard and feels so much better to get done than to avoid it!”

Trick is finding a person to buddy up with. I just moved so it’s harder to find time with this friend but I started a “coworking” meetup to find others who would benefit from working side by side. My meetup is for entrepreneurs so it might be interesting to start a meet up for people with ADD and just be transparent about the strategy!

Hope that’s helpful!

[topdonster]

Wow what great tips! Bills and paperwork are the WORST. But I know what you mean about feeling so much better afterwards, because the hardest part really is getting into the whole "mood" of WANTING to do responsible stuff. It's a huge weight off of my shoulders when I make an avoided doctors appointment or pay a bill on time, that hasnt yet reached its 'final notice'. Lol thanks for the tips. I'll work really hard to find a friend to do this with. Cheers! 🤗

[Lovinit]

This idea sounds so wonderful. Thank you for sharing

[Lani24]

I could not relate more to your point '2) I’m embarrassed about the level of backlog and chaos.' In fact I have been so embarrassed/ ashamed of the backlog and choas that I have always even been in denial to myself about how poorly I handle 'simple' things that I make up little excuses or justifications to myself.

This is a great strategy and I could see how it would be really effective, especially that you lay everything out that needs to get done and are accountable for it because someone else is with you, and having someone else with a 'to do' list would kind of normalise it and make things feel less daunting.

I like the idea of being super transparent with others about this being an ADD strategy but I am definitely not there yet in 'coming out'. Goodluck though I'm so happy to hear you have found something so helpful