Im an overwhelmed mom i don't know where to start

[Distractedmom]

I'm a 35 year-old mom of 2 small boys. I was diagnosed with ADD in grade 7. Ive been on ritalin until 29 then Vyvance since then. Just moved provinces in June from AB to BC with husband and boys. My older son (4yrs old) was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy 15 months ago. It's currently considered fatal. He is expected to be confined to wheelchair by about 11 years old. Most boys with DMD die in their 20s from heart failure. My other son is 18m we have not had him tested for DMD yet. Both my boys are smart, active and generally happy. We moved to Vancouver island so we could have a better quality more outdoorsy lifestyle especially while my 4yr old is still really able and active. He was cooped up for 6 months last year because he cannot walk on ice and snow without falling. My husband works 10-12 hrs a day as a HDmechanic and I am a stay at home mom. My 4yr old is also in an experimental drug trial out of calgary childrens that has us flying to Calgary and back twice a month. I am very worried I am failing my boys, my family and myself and I don't know where or how to find the help and support I need. Between my 4yr olds medical needs, my 18yr old regular ol baby needs and just the day to day running of the household I am not managing very well. I have no family in the area to help and I am with my boys literally 100% of the time. I have no childcare relief and I rarely even have a quiet hour to sit down to the mountain of paperwork I need to attend too. I am letting the ball drop in almost every area of my life I mean, we have been here 4 months our Alberta vehicle registration has expired and we still have not managed to switch it or inurance, i still have an Alberta phone number, the person who bought our home in AB sends us laaarge packets of mail we have not changed address on with angry notes on a somewhat regular basis, most days i forget to feed my kids lunch until im trying to make dinner and they are crying and raiding the cupboard (then i realized we skipped lunch... AGAIN)... I FORGET to do my son's stretches at least half the time, we forget to do teeth at least half the time, we still havnt looked into a family dentist, we still have almost zero contacts in our new town, I havnt gotten a work out in since I left Alberta... and every night after I get the kids to bed instead of being productive I eat a shit load of junk food and either play a stupid cell phone game for hours, watch Netflix, or online shop until like 1am... then I wake up the next day tired and already defeated... My husband (who I love dearly) and I cannot seem to get along and after the day of being pretty much a slave to my little guys I feel like I have nothing left (attention-wise) for my Husband. I do not know how to get back on track or where to turn. I feel I need some mental health support and some ADHD coaching/support but I do not know where to find those and even of I did I have no one to watch my kids. I'm not suicidal or anything like that and I love my family dearly but I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and my mind/attention is so blocked up that I can never seem to fix any one things or figure anything out... sometimes I get really great ideas of systems/charts data bases, lists, that could help my get on track and start being consistent but since I never have an opportunity to follow through with my inspiration/motivation when it strikes (while my medication is working) it never ever gets done because you know, diaper changing, juice getting, playground, grocery shopping... Lord I've had a plan to make a laminated master list for camping for about 3 yrs now... then in the evening when I finally do get some time to do things... how do I put this nicely... I no longer give a f$%k... I'm feeling so lost and discouraged now... like I am never ever going to get my shit together and thrive not just survive and therefore never really provide my kids with the best care and solid consistent home life that they need... 😣😣😢😢

[silentsiren]

I know you posted this a year ago but I just joined and I can relate to so much of what you said. Being overwhelmed, not being able to get it together, coming up with awesome plans of how to get it together, then being to exhausted to give a F to follow through. I've had trouble with my husband too but on top of my attention stores being depleted, he has a host of issues of his own including very bad anger that has really damaged our relationship.

Anyway, I'm writing to say I can relate and I hope things smoothed out for you.