Adult ADHD Support
2,372 members629 posts

My ADHD battle

Hi everyone,

I am 23 years old, female and was diagnosed with ADHD about one year ago by my family doctor.

I personally sought out a diagnosis after several years of severe depression, anxiety and dropping out of college twice (and a slew of other symptomes which caused unsurmountable shame and withdrawal).

I became convinced that I was suffering from ADHD.

I was relieved to have put a name to all the inexplicable feelings I had but now, a year later, I am faced with the truth that knowing I have this disorder does not change my behaviour.

I am presently in a four year relationship and my partner has been dealing with my emotional outbursts since day one.

He is so patient but I can only imagine the loneliness and frustration he feels through my unpredictable mood fluctuations, my failure to make our relationship a priority in my life and my general lack of enthusiasm toward life.

Now that I write this out, I suppose that is my main worry at the moment.

I am torn between trying to "get better" and being an equal partner in our relationship.

I have an impossible time expressing my feelings to him and this creates distance and misunderstanding.

Every time I think I've got it right, I slip up and am back to square one.

He knows that I try but trying doesn't mean anything without results and that prospect scares me.

I feel I've gotten off track but if anyone can relate to what I've tried to explain, I would absolutely love to hear from you.

I feel like all of this is due to my intense carachter flaws and I desperately need perspective.

I find it incredibly difficult to accept my ADHD without feeling completely helpless.

2 Replies
oldestnewest

Hi Marie,

I'm sorry that you having a hard time. I, too, was diagnosed with adhd at the age of seventeen. I'm now 45. I know how hard it is to concentrate on one thing at a time, especially, if not medicated. Your story mimics my story so, I completely understand about dropping out of college, being depressed, and feeling helpless. Relationships are hard even for people without adhd, but even harder for people with adhd. I try remember the more things I do right on a day to day basis, the easier is to repeat on a daily basis. Making lists or setup reminders on my cellphone help a lot.

Take care,

Noelle

Reply

Hi,

I may not be of much help but I can relate to this quite closely.

I'm an almost-23 year old woman and have been experiencing anxiety and depression since I was a young teenager and signs of ADD/ADHD throughout my life. I've not been officially diagnosed with it but professionals have suspected it, including a psychiatrist when I was 15 and my university disability officer earlier this year. I too dropped out of college first time around, but a combo of feelings of isolation and the wrong subjects! I've been with my boyfriend for 6 and a half years and he has seen me at my absolute worst. My boyfriend is caring, loyal, kind, positive and lovely but he is very focused, punctual, and although mostly calm he can have a short temper. I know my little ways really grate on him and it makes me feel bad for him and also about myself. My mind is always buzzing, I'm always distracted, I'm elsewhere. I'm often not listening when he talks to me and he has to repeat himself several times. I'll interrupt him when he talks and I'll blurt things out. I'm impulsive. I'm restless, fidgety and bored easily. I don't look where I'm going. I'm messy. During bickers he's compared our relationship to a carer looking after a child, and has often joked that I am like a big kid. I don't mind the way I am, I just want to learn how to listen and focus for the sake of my relationship with him and also other people. I've explained from day 1 that it's always been suspected that I have ADD/ADHD and he can really relate to what he's read up about being with someone with the disorder so I'd hope he'd kinda get me. I think he just forgets or maybe doesn't fully understand it but neither do I really. I feel like our brains are wired differently but I want to embrace that and learn things from each other rather than see one as right and the other wrong.

Sorry this is a bit rubbish but I thought it might help to hear some familiarity in other people's experiences

Reply

You may also like...