Two people with adhd

[Freedomforme]

Any couples who are both ADHD?

So I think I have ptsd n ADHD

I think my partner has ADHD/narcissism maybe

Anyone else found it all confusing? Finding out stuff about yourself but same time seeing it in somebody else?

We are on brink of breakup n don’t know how to help , only way for me is to end the relationship and go away and heal

[johnfamilyman]

Hi, tuff stuff to cope with, couple each with ADHD? I’am 67 & adhd. My wife non ADHD has her own emotional issues. I am diligently working on mine, my choice. My wife’s choice is not to seek professional help for her issues - rather she bent on trying to fix me.

I didn’t cause her problems, I can’t cure the and can’t fix her. My job is keep the focus on myself, be available and try to understand rather than be understood.

I have 30 years of marriage, two children four grandchildren invested in the relationship for life. So it’s really up to me, my willingness to accept my life and wife, “on life’s terms”. Or if things aren’t working “try something different”.

Try praying on it, ask your higher power for his Will for you.

[Freedomforme in reply to johnfamilyman]

Hi thats pretty amazing.

I am 31, have 3 children from an abusive relationship which has left me with scars, we met 8 months ago and its been like a battle mixed with the best person in the world.

the thing is ADHD causes alot of problems and I know I have issues but at the same time I wish for him to actively manage his.

I actually was the one to find my adhd after diagnosing him, i did it etremely kindly but no matter what I do , he still acts Narcissistically and I then get triggered and lash out or get verbally abusive as I think its my EX husband again.

Its tough for which I am asking hima nd me to BOTH get help and actually I asked him to leave and heal and maybe some day when we heal we can see eachother

this is tough

I know he has issues his ADHD is not under control

mine is because I got myself help without even knowing i got adhdh i just learned to be orhanised

I dont know if its going to work but thought i would reach out to others to talk to without judgement as I feel i dont know whether to end it

or carry on if he does strict coaching

[InThaFlow in reply to johnfamilyman]

I admire that selfless humility And comitnent

[Freedomforme in reply to InThaFlow]

Thank you I just feel like it’s a very challenging place to be

[epetzer]

I'm in a relationship where I have ADHD with a husband who has undiagnosed mental health issues. He's now starting the process of getting support so that he can explore treatment options. I often wonder how he managed to put up with me, I can be challenging to live with at times, especially when I have a lot of energy and the environment just needs to be a bit more relaxed for him. Point is, we make it work, I sometimes need him to pull me back down to the ground and just be honest so that I'm more aware of how my behaviour affects him and exacerbates his own issues. It's work in progress, but we make it work because we're a good fit (we're complimentary crazy, as we put it).

A good relationship and support system is worth fighting for. Part of the process is analysing what isn't working and doing everything you can to make it work for both of you. However, if being in a relationship is making things worse, then you have to think about addressing that issue. Whatever you do, however you do it, be kind. Not just to the other person, but to yourself.

xx

[Freedomforme in reply to epetzer]

That is beautiful

Keep that positivity going !

The tough part is when somebody with ADHD is in denial and acts narcissist

I have undiagnosed stuff but he makes it worse and why I feel unsafe even to be in a relationship where I feel my anger towards him can get out of control

I think it’s ptsd and I don’t think being in a relationship for me and him is healthy but he is taking break up offensively being really sore about it

He would rather take my aggression then leave and then in argument pretends I have no mental health and that I am just doing it

This is unfair when I was the one. From day one to tell him I had issues

Where as he did not know and I think that is unfair

[epetzer in reply to Freedomforme]

If it's unhealthy and also making things worse, then you have something to think about and decide what the best thing is for you. Sometimes relationships just don't work out, maybe it's just the wrong time. Who knows. Two words that stand out here is that you feel UNSAFE and you've recognised his narcissism. If you feel unsafe, then you have to leave and find somewhere safe. I have had several female family members suffer at the hands of narcissists who subjected them to cooercive control. One barely made it out alive (as in he almost beat her to death), another escaped in time and I have a niece who is in messy relationship with a narcissist, but she's refusing help. If you've recognised that you are in danger - go. You can't be worried about an abuser's feelings. Narcissists often have none, but they will assert emotional control (like, 'look what you are doing to me / look what you made me do / you're doing this to yourself / I used to be a different person before I met you). You come first!

[Freedomforme in reply to epetzer]

Thanks you for your reply.

I have decided it’s time to put an end. He definitely has something wrong

I might also be the more violent one whne I am triggered so at times I feel like I should leave to not ever throw something at him or swear at him

He knew from day dot that we need help and therapy and that’s why we got together to help eachothers but as we got into the relationship his ADHD it’s like he forgets or puts desires first

I read an article that can make adhd look like narcissism

I was wity three narcissist previously one was physically abusive

One was mentally

The third one I’m not sure it was tricky

This one seems like a guy who has severe ADHD he is also a INTJ which makes in logical and have no empathy at tunes

At other times he does

So hence I realised he has ADHD and other types of mental thing that is undiagnosed

During the process of getting to know eachother we have both grown tremendously I learned more about me m

But he triggers me and whne he does I get into a betrayal trauma typr of ptsd lashing out

I also swear but only at thosr times and it’s like I’m seeing my ex husband the one who cheated on me and beat me up very badly.

I left him after 8 years after his mistresses came to me

I never left until then

Heartbroken I found out he was narc!

That helped me

Now I am asking my current partner to get help and I decided to part from him and maybe in future if we healed we can come back.

Right now all I wanted was a diagnosis for both and counselling but he was hesitant

Now I’m leaving it seems he wants to but from his ADHD “ not following through stuff) I have no faith in his promises

Its tough as he might not be narcissistic but have few traits that are INTJ and ADHD and he is also a stubborn guy to

When I am not triggered he just acts like he is always helpful and does things to please me and almost like a bit child like but then when he makes a mistake instead of being like ohh sorry il change it

If I say he made a mistake he will get defensive and demand to be spoken like adult

Basically it’s in his head that I’m speaking down to him whne I am not

I am having an adult convo saying he this is not ok

I’m fed up of this and yes I answered the question myself.

I protected myself and kids now and no way is he coming back in that state

Especially when he is ego and denial and doesn’t see how much pain he causes me when ai am not triggered he doesn’t hear me and I don’t have patience after so much abuse for years

I got to do me

Thank you again and have a beautiful day

[epetzer in reply to Freedomforme]

Thanks, and the same to you And all the best!