Help please

[Anonymousmomof3]

I have a 17 year old son with severe adhd he deliberately does the opposite of everything I tell him. He just got kicked out of school for fighting, he won't stop smoking and even does it in the house, he has dishes in his room some with mold, he refuses to clean his room and if I don't tell him to take a shower or brush his teeth or take his pills he won't. It is driving my husband and I absolutely crazy to the point my husband is now threatening to become violent. I have tried everything to change my sons behavior but nothing works. Now my husband is threatening to beat him up or leave me and I just don't know what to do anymore.

[BlackThread]

What does "tried everything" mean? I don't want to make suggestions based on things you have already tried. How are you telling him to do these things? I know my child, who has ODD traits, pushes back when told to do things. It works best to have a discussion with her about the things that need to be done.

It sounds like he, and your husband, need to be in therapy in order to cope better with their shortcomings. Although, if my husband ever threatened violence to my child or the end of our relationship, I would show him the door.