Just diagnosed

[Wefight4love]

Hello everybody, thank you for letting me join your chat. So I have a 4-year-old girl a three year old girl and a 3-month-old. I have known that my 4-year-old was a little different than other children around the age of two. She's now 4 years old and was just diagnosed with ADHD. When she was about two and a half I started modifying and adjusting our life by setting a scheduled routine every day making sure she got enough to eat and sleep cutting out sugar and food dyes and simplifying our life. Now that she is going officially diagnosed with ADHD I find that these are some of the basic starting points to do. So I'm glad that those things have already been done and we incorporated on a daily basis. However, I could really use some help. She is just started preschool this year and did I mention she also has an IEP for speech delay. I am really starting to notice how difficult it is for her to listen. She won't hold my hand, she'll run off into the street. She will run around the buildings where I can't see her and I just have one single rule stay where I can see you. Her and her sister are very close until her sister follows her and does these unacceptable behaviors. I've just begun my research and I'm trying to get her into therapy for cognitive therapy, the school said that they can't help adding ADHD on to the IEP until she starts kindergarten. Does anybody out there have any strategies suggestions recommendations anything to help me teach her how to listen and follow the simple rules that we have in the house? I have had to put safety locks on the front door so she doesn't run out, on her bedroom because otherwise at night she'll wake up and she'll rummage through the house and I don't want her getting hurt. I feel very overwhelmed at this moment and I'm hoping that when she gets into therapy and they can help me with different strategies it might help. I would appreciate any and all comments suggestions or anything pointing me in the right direction. Thank you so much for everybody's help

[imjustamom]

it sounds like you are doing all the right things. My son was recently diagnosed but he also had speech delay. We opted to have speech done at school (therapist would travel there) instead of making it an additional part of the day. Also if you don’t have one yet, maybe consider putting an alarm system at home. This will be an added precaution for the possibility of your little trying to leave. Do you have a hatch? The Hatch has been not only a great tool for keeping the kids asleep, but you can create a program where it will automatically turn on and off and change the sound. We’ve used it with the rule that if the hatch is still on, they have yo stay in bed. We at one point would have it go from the color blue and wave sounds for sleep to green and bird sounds to wake up.

Hope this helps a little and remember you are already doing great!

[Mamamichl]

if she can’t follow the rule, she needs to hold your hand or keep hands on baby stroller. Also, before you go out, remind her about the rule each time and have her look at you when doing so then repeat it back. Give her a new chance each day and 2 warnings then third time she stays with you/stroller. The natural consequence will have her keeping it in mind more. She may need medications. If you’re concerned about stimulants, try a non-stimulant.

[anirush]

A child that young with ADHD has no impulse control. They can tell themselves stay by mom and then they see a butterfly and whoosh off they go. If you read about AD.H.D their thoughts are just bouncing around in their brains.

Seems like speech delay is a pretty common theme for these kids.

Both my grandsons, who are now teenagers, had to start on medication in kindergarten because they could just not control their impulses.

She may be a little young for medicine.But all the other things you are doing or on the right path. Hopefully the school can help.

[Speckled_frog]

For a child with ADHD, having the skills to follow the instruction versus following the instruction at the point in time they need to are 2 very different things! So suggestions about safety strategies (made in other replies) will be important. What I find useful in helping my boy follow instructions is:

1. Affectionate touch whilst giving a very simple instruction. (I’ve been reading a book by Dr Russell Barkley and I’ve found his explanation around this helpful). The difference this makes for my boy is huge.

2. Checking your child got the message by asking what you asked her (particularly for important instructions). “Now tell me what do you need to do?” I’m not good at remembering this step. But it’s important, because sometimes I could swear my boy was attending to me & got the message, but then he soon shows he had no idea what was said to him.

3. Visual supports - having pictures/photos etc. for following instructions, or books that explain basic rules. If you have/getting a Speech Language Pathologist, they might be able help you with finding the visuals for your child, since there’s so much pre-made visuals out there. (That you can personalise if needed). My child does better with things in a visual medium. Words are fleeting - over very quick. The visuals stay there.

4. Speech Language Pathologist should be able to help with knowing where your child’s understanding of words & sentences might be impacting following of directions. They should be able to advise on simplifying your language to match your child’s understanding, and help with developing an understanding of the language needed. Make sure you let the speech pathologist know the priorities for your child & your family right now so supports are directed services in the way that helps you the most.

5. Try give instructions when child calm. Try help your child learn skills when calm. When child angry/sad/overwhelmed, the brain just cannot process verbal information or learn new things as well. My child is on medication - so I also really try to make new learning/challenging tasks when medication has best effect.

6. If your girl needs a lot of big active movements (running, jumping, climbing) & runs away since she seeks this active stimulation, it can sometimes help to make sure she gets this prior to needing to be more still/follow instructions. When I picked my boy up from his first couple of years in school, I needed to let him climb, swing, hang etc straight after school to have any chance of a smooth car ride & arrival home.

Good luck . It’s hard, but you are doing great. An early diagnosis is so good, because you can learn about how an ADHD brain works. I wish I knew that much earlier.

[CaringmClara]

It sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job adapting to your daughter’s needs! My daughter has faced similar challenges, so I completely understand how overwhelming it can feel.

Here are a few things that worked for us:

Visual Schedules: We started using a visual schedule at home, which really helped my daughter understand what to expect throughout the day. It made following routines feel more manageable for her.

Positive Reinforcement: We use a sticker chart to reward her for listening and following rules. Celebrating those little victories made a big difference in her behavior.

Clear Instructions: Keeping instructions short and simple has helped. Instead of saying, “Stay close,” I now say, “Stand by me.” It seems to help her grasp what I’m asking.

Role-Playing: We practice scenarios together. Role-playing really helps her understand what to do in different situations and makes it fun at the same time.

Therapy Support: Getting her into therapy for cognitive strategies has been invaluable for us. I hope it helps you as well!