We are struggling right now. We have eliminated dyes and our next thing to tackle is going to be dairy but wanted to wait until Easter and my son’s birthday before doing it. My son just seems to be becoming more aggressive and disrespectful. He’s about to be 7. We were doing ok but the last month has been a mess. Emails home from school about being too rough at recess and saying unkind words. At home he has been pretending his hands are weapons and is constantly going around making shooting noises which to me is unacceptable. He pretends he’s going to punch people. He will say I can beat you up to his older cousins who he can’t. We don’t allow toy guns or weapons because he can’t handle it. He recently started therapy. I really struggle with him being unkind, are we doing something wrong is it how we’re raising him or is it just him. The more we try to tell him what not to do the more he does it. I’m just at a loss. He can be the sweetest kid and he loves to cuddle and be with you but it just seems like the sweetness is disappearing and everything is a struggle. He has ADHD and adjustment disorder with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct and anxiety. He’s never been on meds and we have wanted to stay as far away from them as possible but as of lately I’m really considering seeing if they will help. If your kid was on meds did it help with aggression and unkind behaviors?
thinking of trying meds: We are... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
thinking of trying meds
Sorry you guys are struggling. Our child psychiatrist told us when we have the correct type of medication, correct dose of medication and it is given at the correct time 60% of unwanted behaviors should stop. For us it is much higher %. I noticed you posted about martial arts, curious how that went? The reason I asked is our son was very.. very successful with having a hobby- Tae Kwan Do taught him many skills.
As far as medication is concerned, I just want to say it takes a while to find what works best for some children. Most start out with a stimulant. The great think about that is, one the body has metabolized the medication it is gone out of there system. You often also know within 1 hour if it is working. Stimulants only job is to decrease impulsive behavior.
Non-stimulants help with anger, mood and focus. These take a little while to work.
Just know if at any point you don't feel it is working you can stop the medication.
If you get a few minutes there are many many older messages about this.
By starting medication, it doesn't mean you have failed as a parent. It just means he needs another tool to help. I strongly encourage therapy and an educational plan.
Big hug for your struggle..
Yes to everything Onthemove said. My son struggled with emotional regulation and impulsivity outside the house alongside big outbursts and aggression towards me at home for several years. He was also a sweet and loving kid when not dysregulated. I waited way too late to medicate him. I tried all the natural methods before trying medication and was a good and attentive parent. I regretted waiting so long as medication was the fastest and clearest source of change that made a huge difference in his behaviour and life experience. He started medication at 11 and is 15 now. He suffered socially for a few years because I didn’t medicate him soon enough which deeply affected his self-esteem. It’s far from perfect but he’s happy and thriving now. It’s a personal journey and we all have to come at the decision after soul searching and trying other things but at the same time - there is no shame in it. There is too much stigma attached to medication for adhd and you are not a bad parent if you choose it. In fact, far from it. I’ve seen so many kids AND adults have a much better experience in life after medication. You still need to use many other ADHD tools - it’s not a substitute for parenting, nutrition and social and school supports. But for us it was game changing.
And - yes it helped dramatically with aggression. Around age 10-11 I was concerned about my ability to manage his aggression through his teen years as it was so bad at home. That is no longer an issue. Guanfacine is a non-stimulant that takes longer to take effect but has made all the difference with the emotional regulation and aggression issues.
Wishing you the best on this journey with your son who I’m sure is a great kid who’s doing the best he can - as are you.
I second everything Akoara has said. Guanfacine has really helped our son with emotional regulation. He still struggles with unkind words and does poorly with weapons play, but we are no longer walking on eggshells around him afraid of what little thing might set him off and how he's going to react, and no amount of parenting classes and parenting strategies was able to accomplish that for us. He still struggles with impulsivity, which sometimes causes him trouble at school and socially as well as at home. However, the emotional regulation was the far bigger challenge at the outset so we chose to address that first, and his psychiatrist recommended a non-stimulant for it.
Both my kids have been on stimulant medications. My daughter started at age 9 (now age 13). My son started at age 10 (now age 14). What's interesting is that once we found something that worked for them, they each independently said some form of "it makes me feel less angry".
Stimulants are also the type of medication that you can choose not to use on the weekend or over the summer. It's easy to take breaks from it since it doesn't need to build up in your system in order to work.
We have not had to try any of the non-stimulants.
Regardless of what you choose to try first, expect that there will be a lot of trial-and-error to find the best medication and dosage. You will need to ask your kid a lot of questions, multiple times every day, in order to understand how they are feeling and what is working or not working for them. Keep track in a notebook or spreadsheet to make it easier on yourself. Read some of my prior posts to get ideas for questions.
Best wishes!
Both of my grandsons started on medication in kindergarten. It was doing their self esteem harm to be constantly in trouble. The oldest ended up being in honors classes all through school and in a collegiate program in high school.There were adjustments to meds. Middle school was rough. They have both been on guanfacine but with other meds. Younger one had lots of violent anger issues but at 17 is doing well. Both still have issues with anxiety. Both have seen a counselor to help with that.
Good luck making a decision.
Sorry to hear you are struggling. We went and are going through a similar environment wth our 6 year-old son. Many factors are at play, including the ADHD, emotional dysregulation, greater exposure to other kids (school, community, and after school care) and society in general. The media also impacts our child's behavior,and violence is everywhere.
We have been to specialists and tried many medicinal and therapies. We found most success in getting to the right school program, a behavior intervention program, promoting playing outside instead of watching TV or other media, playing board games and discussing emotions as they arise and medication.
We've been through a variety of medications under medical professional guidance. We learned that what works for one may not work for another. We currently have a measure of success with atomoxetine (for ADHD) and aripiprazole (for aggression). We also enrolled in Miracle League baseball and basketball.
my step kids mom refuses adhd meds too, even though it’s helped me and step kids dad (my partner). Biomom did finally get stepkid on anxiety meds and it helped quite a bit.
If you’re worried about adverse side effects, ask your doctor for a genesight test. It’s like a paternity test with a swab in the cheek. They mix the genetics in with each of the mental heal meds on the market. It will tell you the meds with the least side effects so it’s easier to know where to start. I then asked how much copay each med would be on my insurance and went from there.
There are so many good thoughts here in this chain. I fully echo the "yes, no shame in meds" theme here -- we tried so many things and at the end of the day, it's not clear to me that ADHD meds are any different than us adults who drink coffee to get us focused for the day. (I mean, of course they are chemically different...) And we all just want to help support our kiddos so they are set up for the best life they can have.
The only thing I'd add is that my gal often knows that she is doing something that she isn't supposed to be doing, but literally just can't stop herself. She can even sometimes say, "Mom, I knew it wasn't right as I was doing it, but my body just does it and I have no control in that moment." I've found so much compassion for her in those moments because it must be endlessly frustrating for her to see it coming, have it happen, and all the while know that someone's going to speak up about how she's doing "wrong" things, and then her self-esteem takes a huge hit. We have had a lot of success talking out loud about this with her, saying "sometimes I think you know it's against our family's rules, but maybe you are still learning how to stop that impulse and that's okay - habits take time to break. we don't expect you to be perfect, we just want to help you follow them more and more over time". We also try to notice and reward the times when she IS able to manage the impulse, and catch her in the moments when she is being really thoughtful, kind, and loving so both she and we see and magnify those moments so they can be part of her identity in our family too. Now even her younger brother says that she "has moments when she doesn't seem thoughtful at all, but then she can be super thoughtful when someone is really sad" so her narrative becomes much more rich than just one-sided.
It takes a lot to stop myself in the moment and put myself in her shoes, and I always wish I could do it more when the "stop!!" instinct kicks in, but I keep trying to remind myself that when I do, it usually works out better for all of us 
if your child needed insulin you wouldn’t keep it from your child. Food, exercise, therapy all helps - many ADHD kids can’t have wheat and/or dairy- and have stomach issues- however, this alone usually is not enough and as the world gets more complicated and demanding the ADHD will be more impairing. The biggest issue is finding the right medication- unfortunately you may have to try a few to see what works. Don’t rely on your pediatrician- find a psychiatrist who handles child ADHD- good luck.
So, first let me say that the research behind dyes and dietary factors impacting ADHD is spotty. Most of the studies showing an impact were not terribly well designed.
The good news with medication is that the benefits are pretty quick to notice, and since most of the medications have a very short half-life, it's easy to get them off the medication or switch if there are intolerable side effects.
When considering the medications, don't just look at the risks associated with the medication. Balance them against the risks associated with them continuing to be unmedicated. As someone who was diagnosed at 19, I can say that the impacts of ADHD extend far beyond academic performance and outward behaviour.
Medication alone isn't a solution, and it's good that you're looking for other things that can help them. Keep in mind that most of the behavioural interventions work far better if the child is on medication, because they will be more capable of both learning and practicing them.
Another thing to note is that individual therapy has been shown in many studies to have little to no impact, and there were even some studies suggesting that the stigma associated with going to therapy can outweigh any benefits. ADHD research suggests that parental training is the best approach. This means you and your partner learning how to best support your kid, as well as how to teach your kid skills that will benefit them in a way that they can successfully learn and follow through on.
ADHD is probably the best studied subject with respect to the brain's function, so use that to your advantage. Try to stick to evidence based approaches, as it is easy to fall victim to unproven or disproven methods, especially when you are desperate to find a solution.
For me, Driven to Distraction by Hallowell was my bible when I first got diagnosed, and he's now got "ADHD 2.0" published, which I haven't read yet, but expect will contain much helpful and practical information.
Hope this is helpful!
How to stop a 5 year old from biting people?
Advice for 6yo and severe meltdowns after meds wear off 
College age ADHD
Genetic testing for right Meds?
Irritability and stimulants
