My son was diagnosed in 2nd grade (8). We have had so many great teachers and help with everything we haven’t really had issues at school. 2nd grade was hard (he does have a 504 plan) but his 3rd grade teacher was wonderful and he loved her so he had the desire to perform well in her class. 4th grade has been very difficult. We originally have been anti medication but after doing more research we’re waiting for an appointment with a child psychiatrist to help navigate that. As well as looking into any co-existing conditions he may be struggling with.
My son is just really having a hard time with class work but he excels at homework. One on one he does amazing. Our public school just can’t provide him with what he needs and I’m wondering if medication would do much to help him in class. He’s knows his stuff, he just is an outward processor. He gets off topic because he hyper focuses on certain aspects of lessons that really interest him and distracts his classmates. He really struggles with independent computer time or class work.
Has anyone chosen to homeschool because of their child’s school struggles? Or those that have chosen medication, have you seen a positive impact on these areas I have concerns about in a public school setting?
I’m personally still learning so much about ADHD. I’m currently listening to 8 Keys to Parenting Children with ADHD by Cindy Goldrich. He has a counselor that also has ADHD and my son has really connected with him on similar hobbies. He’s given me some really great insight on a lot of things. I’ve also read a lot of Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell Barkley. The teacher keeps asking for ways to help him but because it’s a completely different setting I struggle with coming up with advice.
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So glad you are here. Have you connected with your state’s parent resource center? They can be great sources of information, referral and community on everything from school rights and advocacy to finding social groups. Find yours here: parentcenterhub.org/find-yo....
Regarding your question, we did not choose to homeschool. I have met others who have. Some communities have really robust resources for homeschooling including cooperatives for certain higher level classes and electives like band, theatre, and PE. For our child, we would not have been able to recreate the social opportunities they have at school on our own, so we didn’t explore that option. Hopefully someone else in the community with experience can chime in!
You mentioned that your child has a 504 but has struggled at school. Have you explored having them evaluated for special education? Sometimes if the accommodations provided are not helpful enough, a child might need special instruction and related services. A child can be both gifted and achieving passing grades and still qualify for services if their ability to access the curriculum is affected (attention, ability to work in groups, work independently, socialize, etc.). Sometimes speech or occupational therapy can help with skills like these or things like emotional regulation. Sometimes teachers can help teach strategies for their work. Sometimes an evaluation turns up a learning disability or fine or visual motor problem that can be addressed. The more specific you can be in your concerns in making a request for an evaluation, the more thorough the evaluation.
You mentioned medication too. Medication for ADHD can be extremely helpful. Stimulant medications help with impulsivity and focus. They are short acting, so if you are concerned with an effect, you can stop it immediately and try something else. There are non stimulants as well—SNRI’s that you need to take everyday for focus and impulsivity, and Guanfacine, an Alpha 2 Agonist that helps more with emotional regulation. Honestly, we regret not starting our child on medication sooner as it really helped him relate better to other kids once his impulsivity and focus were better managed. In addition to medication, we have found certain vitamins to also be helpful. It can take a little trial and error but it can make such a difference in a child’s self concept.
Methylfolate, methycobalamin, zinc, iron, magnesium, and fish oil are often cited as helpful and/or deficient. In our case, we found through genesight testing that our kiddo was processing less than 30% of the folate he takes in. When we corrected for that with a methyl-B complex, we saw significant improvements in communication, irritability, working memory, and patience within about 4 months. The degree of change really surprised us! After that we did more research on nutrients in general. We now take a broad spectrum micronutrient that contains all of the above and a bit more, albeit at levels a bit lower than the manufacturer recommends. Interestingly, our son has had to reduce the stimulant he takes.
Homeschooling is a very individualistic experience. It's not the same from one student to another, or from one family to another.
I apologize for the length, but within my family we have had varying experiences with both homeschool and other schooling.
TL;DR -
Out of my four kids, two were easy to homeschool (one of those with online resources helping a lot), and the other two were a bit challenging. Note: my kids all seem to me to have undiagnosed ADHD.
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My kids are undiagnosed, but I have moderate Inattentive ADHD (diagnosed only a few years ago) and they all have have ADHD traits, but they are each different from each other. My kids are very spaced out in age. (Their mom still insists that none of them have ADHD, but since learning about the different presentations ever since my own diagnosis, I definitely see the traits in all four of them.)
• My eldest daughter is a millennial, and she seems to only have Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD; she is not my biological child, while my other three kids are. We tried homeschooling her for the start of one school year, and it was not easy, but I think it was a better learning experience for her then the terrible school district she got placed in right after. We later moved, and she stayed in public school, but it was challenging because of her behavior as a child with undiagnosed ADHD and no appropriate interventions. I am now quite certain that when she was in her teens she had ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), which is more common with ADHD than without it. --- Despite all the issues that she and we as a family experienced when she was a youth, she has grown up to become a productive adult, and amazing mother, and now at 31 is in college pursuing a bachelor's degree. As far as I know, she still has no formal ADHD diagnosis, but her awareness of her ADHD traits has helped her a lot in recent years. --- In the brief time that she was homeschooled, she actually did well with it, but because she is so energetic, she had a tendency to rush through her studies. (She does not have the inattentiveness that her younger siblings and I display, so her recall was very good. However, if she was not interested in a subject, she only learned just enough to get by. If she was interested in a subject, she could talk about it for days. Since she is very sociable, despite her keeping up academically, lack of time with peers became evident as one reason homeschooling wasn't best for her.)
• My second oldest child is my Gen-Z son. He is 8 years younger than his older sister, and 10 years older than his younger brother, so he's the "monkey in the middle". He has all the same Inattentive ADHD traits as me, His mom and I tried very hard to get him into the best educational environment for him. He went from a few years in public school, to a short while in charter school, to private school for several years, then finished out high school as a homeschooler with online classes. If it hadn't been for the online support with homeschooling, I don't think that he would have done so well. In both public school and private school, he did not get the individualized attention that he needed to flourish. But like my other kids, he was also not diagnosed with ADHD, because he always caught up due to his natural intelligence. His teachers commented dozens of times about his attention issues. --- Thanks to the online curriculum, and the fact that he and I have always been able to have any kind of academic discussion, he was the easiest child for me to homeschool so far. (He and I are very similar in many ways, having so few differences that I could probably enumerate them all.)
My youngest son and daughter are a couple of years apart in age (both Gen Alpha). They we're both homeschooled starting in kindergarten, and then entered public school a year and a half ago (my son in fifth grade, and my daughter in third).
• My younger seems to have mild Combined ADHD traits. He, himself, tells me about how often he gets distracted or off subject, and about how difficult it is for him to stay still in his seat (even though he has been able to do so). Like I was as a youth, he is very interested in learning, but he does not like writing or typing very much, and not reading very much. (He would rather discuss his school subjects verbally. I'll bet if all of his homework assignments could be put into Minecraft education edition, he would have no qualms about doing his homework.) Both when he was homeschooled and now in public school, he does his obligatory school work and homework, but at least to me he complains a lot about having to do it. He was often a disruption for me when I was doing the homeschooling, but not for his mom because she acts in a much more authoritarian way with the kids. --- He was difficult for me to homeschool, because of his resistance to doing any written work, and his head strong personality (similar to his eldest sister and their mother).
• My youngest daughter presents as having mildly Inattentive ADHD, but she is more quietly hyperactive-impulsive...she is that kid who will sneak off to the other room and create a big mess following some scientific or artistic curiosity, before she loses interest and forgetting to clean it up. She probably did the best with homeschooling, out of my four kids. However, since she has been in public school, she has blossomed very much socially. I do hear about her teacher sending notes home to her mom that she has been distracted, inattentive, or forgetful. However, my ex-wife plays these down, and just says that our daughter needs to "try harder". My youngest daughter is endlessly curious, but if the subject matter in school is not holding her interest, then she (by her own admission) will daydream or doodle or otherwise get distracted.
... If she doesn't find some way to self accommodate in school, I think it's just a matter of time before we will have to have a parent-teacher conference. She gets her work done, and she is able to answer almost any question put to her by a teacher. I don't think that she will struggle academically, but I do think that without the individual attention that she got as a homeschooler, she will not flourish and will continue to get distracted --- If I could give her both the best homeschooling environment and also the social involvement that she needs, I would do so without hesitation.
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If you have the time and resources, and if your child is interested in homeschooling, then it should go well. If your situation is lacking in any of those three criteria, then I advise give it careful consideration before committing to it.
A child with ADHD who has a desire to do homeschooling might completely flourish, even without much effort from their parents, but they would be the exception rather than the rule. Most students who have ADHD require some level of individual attention, and all require some sort of accommodations, even if they are that sort who can figure out their own accommodations.
This is really wonderful insight. Thank you for giving such a thorough explanation of each of your children.
We have a big community around us that do currently homeschool. The more we open the door to find more information the more we see an even bigger community of people who homeschool. Socially I don’t believe will be our issue. My son also has a hard time writing and reading. He does great with reading out loud. He wants an audience and whoever is around to be apart of his story. I completely agree with the Minecraft education. My son would definitely flourish in subjects that he could play video games. That’s why we love reflex for math right now. He loves it!
After much consideration, my husband and I have decided to homeschool him as soon as we have what we need in place. He’s just not doing well in a school setting but does fantastic at home. He and I have very similar interests and personalities so I believe he will do well being taught by me.
I'm glad that you have a good homeschooling community around you.
We did, too, until COVID lockdowns took effect. Our kids really liked their homeschooling group, but were only involved with it for a year and a half before the pandemic happened.
If we hadn't homeschooled first, our youngest kids might not have quite the love of learning that they have today. So, I have no regrets about it. We just couldn't sustain it (especially now that we are divorced).
And my son loves reading. He just doesn't like being assigned reading. My kids all have a love of reading, much like their mom and me. I'm certainly glad that it caught on.
I homeschooled my now 21yo daughter for 8 years. She has ADHD and was suspended 3 times in 2nd grade (leading to the homseschooling.) Very smart, and the schools would not help her because she has 100% in every class but was done her work early and got bored so found trouble. She was too immature to move up and didn't qualify for services (this was years ago). I pulled her and homeschooled her until her junior year of high school. I grew weary of dragging her out of bed every day to do her work and having to follow up on her constantly. I sent her back to a smaller charter school then Covid happened. She graduated and got away with very little work, with what she refers to as a "covid diploma". She is shrewd and works the system. She is now a well functioning adult, on her own, chose not to go to college but has a good job and is happy.
My son (8) who also has ADHD and possible learning disabilities, is in our public school. He has an IEP and a good support system. We have tried all kinds of meds with little improvement and lots of deterioration so far. I am waiting on the test results from our genetic testing to see what other options there are medically. He struggles at school and at home. He hates working hard and pushes back on anything that is difficult for him. Emotional regulation, anger, inattentive and hyper. Quite a roller coaster, and truma background on top of it all so you never know what to expect. I have thought about homeschooling him, but I just don't want to. I know that sounds selfish, and maybe it is. It is hard. there are a lot of services now that weren't available when I homeschooled before, but it was definitely a full time job. He is a very social kid, and despite his social challenges, I think he benefits from being around kids all day. As long as they continue to work with us in the public schools I am going to try to keep him there.
Each child and family are different. Homeschooling is a wonderful option for most kids, but it is a big commitment for the parent. Unless you just do the online version of school; choosing, teaching, directing and grading curriculum is time consuming and can be stressful. But the benefit of better sleep, more attention, custom education and flexibility are very significant. Also there is the added bonus of tailoring the education to what actually interests your child and can motivate them to want to learn more and work hard.
I'm following along with this post to see what others are doing. I am often tempted to pull him and school him at home - especially on days when he's overwhelmed, in trouble and feels inadequate. Traditional school is hard for many kids- those who are not good at sitting still, being quiet, and memorizing all day. He is one of them. But he is very smart and capable - just differently abled.
I don’t think you not wanting to homeschool is selfish. I think you are probably a person who values their time and sees that separation during the day as a positive which is great.
His teacher told us yesterday after many attempts to get him help and focus that she doesn’t believe “this environment” is working for him. My husband and I have been back and forth on homeschooling for awhile and this year from the beginning we’ve really leaned in and made the decision to homeschool him next year. But with the struggles he’s having currently in class we are struggling with making the decision to pull him even earlier than that.
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate your insight.
Three weeks ago! That’s when we started homeschooling our son, who is currently in 3rd grade (he struggles with ADHD, ODD and anxiety), although I started contemplating homeschooling a year ago. Things at school were just really bad this year, despite him having an IEP, and despite all of the very well-intentioned school personnel trying to help him, and despite our school district being supposedly one of the best in the nation….in our experience public school totally failed our son. It was not for lack of trying and I don’t blame the teachers/administrators, I think our son just has needs that can’t be met in a classroom with 25 other children. All of the teachers’ efforts were going towards managing his behaviors, and none of their efforts were going towards his actual learning—and he is a smart and capable kid!
So yes, we homeschool him now and in just three weeks I would say the stress level in the whole family has gone down, because he is able to learn about the topics he is interested in, we are able to take breaks as often or as long as he needs, we are able to monitor what/when he eats (the school had given him candy multiple times, even after we specifically requested they not give him candy due to reactions to sugar and dyes), we are able to see how he acts all day in regards to medication side effects, and—probably most importantly—he is able to be outside and be getting exercise way more than he ever did in public school.
I thought the biggest challenge would be him getting enough physical activity (he is an extremely active kid), but that has not been the case. The biggest challenge has been finding enough social activity for him, because he really loves playing with other kids. We are looking for play groups that meet at local parks, but apparently December is not the right time of year for that…so we’re still looking and hoping to get plugged in to a local homeschool group.
Wrt medication—my husband has been very anti-medication and we have found a lot of improvement with vitamins/supplements, but we are slowly trying some meds too because some of my son’s behaviors have been dangerous to me and his sisters when he gets dysregulated. We have tried Strattera, guanfacine and Adderall, all with terrible side effects. We just found a psychiatrist and will be trying a couple different meds in the coming weeks. It’s a slow process, and it’s difficult when both parents aren’t on the same page….I just want to find some relief for my son, and if there’s a medication that can help him I want to try it.
Sorry my response to your post turned into a major dumping of our struggles 😂 I guess the big take away is you are not alone! One final thing I will add, from homeschooling my daughters for three years: homeschooling is both the hardest and the most rewarding job I’ve ever had. Also, ChatGPT is a game changer for generating worksheets and tests for homeschool lessons!
I have homeschooled my son since first grade, he's now in 5th grade. If you're looking to homeschool just so you don't have to do meds, don't. You're doing your son a great disservice by not letting him try medication. Medication is life changing for these kids in so many minute and large ways. He's struggling now bc the work is getting harder and he can't squeak by anymore. Get him properly medicated and see how the rest of the year goes.
Just bc you homeschool him doesn't mean he doesn't or won't need medication. Medication isn't about school, its about LIFE.
I hear you! My son was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety in 3rd grade and is now in 5th grade. We have made the decision to transition to virtual school after the winter break. Similar situation. New and overwhelmed teacher this year with my struggling son constantly getting in trouble, having to sit in the hall and miss recess. We’re hopeful virtual school done at home will give him a chance to be in a calm familiar environment where he can have every accommodation he’d like! I’m looking forward to having greater access to what he’s learning so that I can help him as needed. We’re also going to use this time to try and get him on a helpful medication regiment and counciling. It’s going to take a lot of personal sacrifice but I’m hoping it will allow him time to reset, destress, and build back his self esteem to better tackle upcoming middle school and high school. I’ll let you know how it goes. 😉
I’d also love to hear anyone’s stories about their virtual or homeschool vs mainstream school transitions.
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