Hello! My 13 year old has recently be prescribed methylphenidate for his ADHD. He’s not hyperactive but has really struggled with school over the past few years. He has trouble staying focused and concentrating and his grades are very poor. He was evaluated when he was 8 and was diagnosed with mild ADHD and general anxiety then but I was reluctant to put him on medication. I wanted to see if putting him on a 504 plan at school would help but the accommodations haven’t made much of a difference. I just had him re-evaluated and I’m thinking at this point that we’ve exhausted all other non-med options at this point. I am VERY nervous about putting him on meds (especially since his dad is very anti-med) but I think at this point we are doing a huge disservice to him if we don’t at least try this route. Any advice or anecdotes anyone can share would be greatly appreciated! Thanks! 🙂
New to ADHD and Son Just Prescribed Meds - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
New to ADHD and Son Just Prescribed Meds
We are in the same boat here. My 13year old son has struggled with focus and interest in school. He was diagnosed with anxiety around 5 and with impulsive ADHD last year. We've tried a couple of medications. We are currently on focalin xr and I think we need to increase his dose or take him off. He's actually less impulsive off the medication.
Have a good relationship with his medical team. It's important for your son and for your mental health, too.
Thanks for your reply! Yes, I will try this med (hopefully start next week before school begins) to see how he does with it. His doc did say there are so many different meds out there and sometimes patients have to try several different ones before they figure out which works best for them. So I am aware of this but hope it won’t be a struggle. My main concern though right now is that his dad is anti-meds and I don’t know how to approach the subject. It will most likely end in an argument (his dad and I aren’t together but we’ve co-parented pretty well over the last 6 years).
I'm in sorta the same boat. His dad is anti-med and anti-mental health. The saving grace for us is that I have sole custody and can make the medical decisions legally. If you have trouble perhaps the courts can provide you with some sort of additional power for medical issues.
That’s good. We were never married Abs separated amicably 6 years ago. We never went through the courts or anything, just handled everything on our own. At the end of the day, my son clearly needs help so it would be such a disservice to him to not at least try to get him the help he needs. I’ve read so many forums/blogs written by older ADHDers that said they’d wished their parents would’ve done more, gotten them help, or put them on medication a lot earlier. I held off on meds for years but now it’s time to look into that option… since nothing else has worked.
It is definitely possible that stimulants dont work for your kid. They work well for my partner, but didnt quite do my needs. I am on a non stimulant called stratera now and it helps me immensely. If either of you are concerned about side effects, ask your doctor for a gene sight test. It does a cotton swab on the cheek like a paternity test and mixes the genetics with mental health meds. It will tell you which meds have the most chance for adverse side effects.
I say this as someone who was also reluctant (husband too) to start our son on meds but I think many of us feel that way because our perceptions of ADHD drugs are just wrong, to be honest.
If I had to give only one reason to go the medication route (obviously only when it’s recommended by a doctor), this would be it: after the age of 15, our children’s risk of abusing drugs and alcohol if they are NOT treated for their ADHD is much, much higher than kids whose ADHD is treated with medication because of a tendency to self-medicate to cope and attempt to improve function because they were not given the proper tools.
This opened my eyes almost immediately because that’s one of my biggest fears when I would think (fret) about his future.
Of course meds aren’t perfect and side effects can suck but once you get the right one they can be pretty life changing. It’s been cool to see how my son’s relationships within our family have improved because we see less symptoms and more of him and his sweet personality.
This article explains it in more detail. If you haven’t already found ADDITUDE they have so much info on all things ADHD. I hope he gets lucky and this first med is the one! Good luck!
additudemag.com/the-truth-a...
Woww! Thanks so much for your response, and sharing your experience with your son! I am soooo glad I found this website/forum. I have felt so lost these past couple of years trying to find parents who were going through what I was and trying to find resources and support. I am finally fully on board with trying out the meds and do believe, as you do, that the benefits totally outweigh any risks at this point. I feel so bad for my son and fear that I may have waited too long but, in addition to my own reluctance, I've had to deal with his dad who is very much anti-med (and even has a very narrow-minded view of mental health and prescription medications). I will be having the convo with him soon about this and know it will end up becoming a heated argument, but I have to stand my ground because I know this is what's best for my son. Thanks for the link to the article; I will certainly read it on my lunch break today. Thank you again! I really appreciate your reaching out and sharing your story! 🙏
I had to edit my comment because it was supposed to say kids with ADHD who are untreated vs kids with ADHD who are treated with meds (not without ADHD as I said earlier) Sorry if that created any confusion!
Also- none of this should induce any guilt at all, just could be a bit of a wake up call to your son’s dad that this is serious! Everything in your post tells me you are a good parent who is really trying to help your son, which you’ve been doing all along. He will be okay!
THIS 100% THIS. If people are up medicated, they try different things to help them feel normal. If they are taking the meds, they are less likely to abuse drugs to self medicate. The only reason I didnt abuse was all of the abuse in my family scared the crap out of me.
I could have written your post line for line when my son was younger. I remember the reluctance and the fear of starting meds for my son. My son is 18 now and I would tell you I do not regret starting meds for him. We even added an anxiety med along the way and honestly, that was even more of a game changer than the ADHD meds.
Today, my son graduated HS on the honor roll and did his first college course over the summer. He holds a part time job and is starting as a full time college student in a few short weeks. I tell you all of this not to brag, but to offer HOPE. I needed hope myself when my kid was younger. I will tell you with no hesitation today that the meds were a needed tool to get here. It is important to use meds and educational support such as an IEP or a 504 while they are a student. While my son had a 504, but I would suggest you have your son re-evaluated for an IEP. He may need more individualized learning goals as well as accommodations and services to assist in his learning. I am hoping things improve for your son and family.
Thanks so much for your response! I am sooooo thrilled to hear how well your son is doing! That has always been a concern of mine. I know kids with ADHD can be successful in life but it's always good to hear these success stories from parents who have a story similar to mine. Thanks for offering hope... I definitely appreciate that, as it's very much needed at this time! My son has had a 504 for the past 4.5 years and next month I will be meeting with his school's education team to see if he is eligible for an IEP. Hope all goes well with that! I feel that, with the meds and an IEP, he will be unstoppable! 😊 And will start feeling a lot more confident.
Yes! With the right tools and supports, things can go so much better!! I am really hoping things improve for your son!!
Hi our daughter had some of the same challenges and what her OT suggested was exercise before and in between classes, sitting on a ball or wiggle cushion, chewing gum, placing a rubber band on the legs of chairs creating a place to pull with legs, fidget toys the exercise helped the most for our daughter. But to be honest these things helped even more when we removed her from public school and homeschooled her through an online school for elementary and middle school. Ultimately in high schoool we had to put her on med and she currently takes a low dose of lexapro. We resisted putting her on med as long as possible but once the school work got more complex she needed the support of meds. Our daughter is now in college and is doing well with the support of a Winston college tutor, which I highly recommend. Good Luck
Thanks so much for your response! I really appreciate it. We did the fidget toys and stress relievers when he was first diagnosed and unfortunately, they didn't help much. He still found himself so distracted and unable to focus or concentrate in class. I can certainly understand about how much tougher things get when the course work becomes a lot more difficult and overwhelming. He's about to head into 8th grade and that was my main reason for considering meds now... to make sure he can tackle the work load and complexity of the material when he reaches high school in about a year.
You can try LoFi music or video game music to help engage his brain. Also, if you need some other ideas, I recommend 3 you tube channels and their books. The holderness family channel (book called ADHD is Awesome), ADHD_love (book called dirty laundry) and How to ADHD (book of same name). Those can give you some ideas of things to try, but I believe all will say that meds have been a benefit once they found the right one. It took me a gene sight test and trying 4-5 meds to get one that helps me.
Ooh I’ve been planning on reading Penn’s book too! I love that he’s so open about his ADHD.
Our son is 7 (was diagnosed at 4.5) and has pretty severe ADHD symptoms, most of them being impulsivity and the emotional regulation type. I am a less is more type person and choose everything natural I can over meds. We have tried sports, no sugar, no dairy, gf diet, dialing in on sleep (which I’ve found is my sons biggest thing that exasperates his symptoms), lots of outside time, vitamins/minerals, therapy, changes in our parenting….and while these things all benefited him, we still were struggling daily with focus, emotional meltdowns, reactivity to every little thing, quick physical responses that led to him hurting his little sister. This led to a lot of pressure on me personally, as I saw it as everything “I” was doing wasn’t good enough to help him. We struggled this way for probably over 3 years. Then he started vocalizing how he didn’t want to be doing these things and would cry at bedtime about the day, how he has no friends at school because of how he behaves, he feels he is the problem in our family and literally said to me “I just want to be happy but don’t know how”…we have been to occupational therapy and he has been seeing a therapist for a little over 2 years now. Once I started to see how much his adhd was effecting his mental wellness, despite everything we had been doing, and how much his symptoms were effecting not just his daily life but in reality everyone in our family, I began to seriously lean into medication. I had to realize his brain just isn’t functioning normally, there is not a specific thing I can do to help that, and he needs something more than tools to help him. It was a really difficult decision for me but I realized it was mostly just my own fears. I had always wanted to wait to even try meds until my son was old enough to be able to verbally let me know what was going on for him, so that I could be aware of side effects, moods, etc. I really trust our pediatrician and he ensured me, if this medication was right for him, we would see instant changes and they could be life changing for us all. Also, with the correct dosage, our son would not be a zombie or any of the things I was fearful of. We have only been taking focalin xr for a month now (lowest dose 5mg)- but I have to say how life changing it can be.
We have always openly discussed with my son things about his adhd, including his meds and what they are for, etc. Since beginning meds he has told me he feels happier, his 4 year old sister can see the difference and makes comments like how much nicer her brother is to her and how she loves playing with him lately, he feels better because his symptoms such as impulsivity and reactivity are very low, therefore he isnt getting into as much trouble or having to be constantly redirected, etc. I can literally see the pause that happens now where I can actually help him through something whereas before it was straight to an emotional meltdown that would completely spiral out of control. I of course love my son no matter what, but I enjoy him so much more as I can see the real him coming through more often instead of dealing with symptom after symptom all day long. We are working with the therapist on tools he can now implement and we are hoping to some day not have to take meds and manage with everything we’ve learned and implemented- but reality is a lot of kids can’t even learn these tools without medication first.
I know you are in the difficult situation with co-parenting, but I think the more you can empower yourself with knowledge, the better position you will be in to push for this. We even said if we weren’t satisfied with the meds, we would just take him off and go back to what we were doing. The disservice is not giving it a chance IMO.
Thank you so much for your response! I appreciate your openness and sharing your story with me. It is so hard as a parent to know what is the right thing to do. And oftentimes, there is no one right thing to do - but many options, depending on the situation and individual. I feel so bad for my son because I don't understand fully how his brain works and how he feels, only he does. I try so hard to but I know all I can do is be there for his, listen to what he tells me, and explore different ways to help and support him. I agree 100% - knowledge is definitely power in this situation and I'm making sure I learn as much as I can and talk to as many people as I can. I am so glad I found this online support group... it has really helped me! Thanks again!
My daughter is 10, my stepkid is 15, and my partner and I all have ADHD. I was reluctant with meds, but you do a disservice you your kid by refusing any avenue. It really is like night and day with the right meds. You wouldn't refuse medication for pain on a broken arm, so why for this? My stepkid was diagnosed at 6, and his mom refused meds until 12. Until then, he had to be in a secluded classroom with only kids with special needs. Having the right meds is like night and day. Keep in mind that the stimulant route can raise anxieties. I started with them and it didn't help nearly as much as stratera. I would try to treat the anxiety first. Doing that worked for my stepkid at 12, and he didnt start adhd meds until 2 years later. It really does make a difference. When I wasnt on the right anxiety meds, I ended up in a psychiatric facility for a week.
Stimulant meds go out of the system within 24 hours, so there’s no long term issues that usually come with trying them out, but the stimulant ones did make my daughter more anxious and she has had tics because of the anxiety. She could be more anxious because she’s growing up though too. My next step for her is to get anxiety meds.
You may also want request in writing a formal evaluation for an IEP. 504 can provide similar accommodations, but would your kid also benefit from counseling, Occupational therapy or pragmatic skills? Those only come with an IEP. On IEP/504 you can request fewer assignments or problems as well. I work as a special education teacher, and have been a behavior tech as well. PM me if you need more information.
Thanks so much for sharing your story! Yes, I will be meeting with the school team in the next couple of weeks to see if he will qualify for an IEP. Hopefully all goes well with that. In the meantime, I have his prescribed meds but am still a little reluctant, mainly because I want to learn a little more about it and want to see how he does the first couple of weeks at school. If his teachers still report he is struggling to focus and stay on task, then I will certainly consider starting the meds at that point. I truly appreciate all the great insight/advice you provided and may just be reaching out to very soon LOL! Like I'd mentioned before, I am so new to this ADD/ADHD world so am trying to learn as much as I can, and it always helps to talk with folks who know first-hand what I am going through.
We started our son by changing his diet. And then placing him in therapy. Now we are doing a hybrid schooling option. Half homeschooling and three days in school. So far, he is better than he was doing before. He also has more self esteem. We added some classes he really enjoys which help him with self motivation. There isn’t a lot of pressure here at home to get assignments done a certain way.
We had one teacher that would not take his assignments unless he hand wrote them with neat, clean handwriting. It brought my son’s self esteem down a lot. But it did push us to get him tested for dyslexia. I also did not realize how far behind my son was in school until I started to work with him myself. He did not even now how to add 4 digit numbers and he is 5th grade he also doesn’t know how to subtract properly or divide.
If homeschooling doesn’t work. We will definitely check back and try the medications. Or we might also add the medicine and continue the hybrid program we are in. We will see how it goes. His therapist told us some kids might need a different approach to education, whether they have ADHD or not. We are trying to keep this in mind, and not just use his ADHD as the reason he is falling behind. Please update on how the meds go. We have been really hesitant to try them too. But if it helps our kid I think it is time.
Thank you so much for your response! I remember considering homeschooling at one point but there is just no way since I am the sole breadwinner in my household (his dad and I are not together). My son definitely does better one on one. He had a lovely teacher last year that was very empathetic and so sweet, and she really made an effort to help my son. He would stay after school on certain days, and she would literally sit right next to him and do the assignments with him. I will certainly provide an update when that time comes. Thanks again!
Our 15yo. was diagnosed with ASD just over a year ago, and diagnosed with ADHD about a month ago. As much as I didn't want to put him on another med (methylphenidate, 20mg), it's been like night and day!!! We've seen a dramatic decrease in impulsivity and he says he can focus better. He is much calmer and his entire disposition has been so much happier. I'm sorry your son's dad is not on board. 
Is he open to maybe a trial period??? (For example, trying meds for a certain amount of time first before deciding against them.) The good thing about ADHD meds is that they are fairly quick on knowing whether they're working or not. (Other meds like anxiety meds take months before seeing whether they're working or not.) Your son is also old enough to be able to tell you whether he feels the meds are effective or not, so that's another plus. ((hugs)) Doesn't sound like an easy situation to navigate.
Thanks so much for sharing your story! It makes me feel so much better knowing that the same medicine that was prescribed to my son works wonders for your son. That's exactly the outcome I am hoping for! When the time comes, that's what I am going to emphasize - that it'll just be for a trial period to see if it helps. And my son is definitely old enough to be able to let me know how he feels on the med and if they are working... and if he wants to continue on them. I am hoping that it will help him academically, socially, and with his confidence/self-esteem issues. Thank you again! ((HUGS))
I totally get being nervous but imagine letting your kid struggle when there could be help for him. Gold standard treatment of ADD/ADHD is medication. If he had a headache that was so distracting he couldn’t do his homework you wouldn’t hesitate to give him an ice pack or a Tylenol. This is no different. How’s he socially? What kind of school is he at?
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