ADHD Mom

[adhdsuperheromom]

Looking for help for my newly teen son who has ADHD. Things are not getting better just don’t want to be that frustrated mom anymore.

[Phenomenon]

Hi, there!

I truly empathize with your frustration. My son is now a Senior in high school and our roller coaster ride was no walk in the park. I never put my son on meds nor was he diagnosed with ADHD, but all the symptoms yelled boisterously in every space he entered. There were days I would go without eating because I'd be so stressed. He became really disrespectful as a teenager. The problems at school started to spill over in our home. There would be days of nothing but prayer. I was doubtful that I'd get my sweet son back.

Good News: He's so much better. He can now articulate and identify his emotions. He also has an understanding of his symptoms. He's definitely not perfect but he's who he is and I've completely accepted that. Our relationship is so much better. Sometimes you have to do your part and let life do all the work!

Continue to be the awesome mom you are. It will pay off!

[adhdsuperheromom in reply to Phenomenon]

Thank you so much for responding with helpful advice. Letting go and letting life is just hard for me because he’s my 1 and only and I want so much for him in life. I want the best for him and it’s seems like he is just content with whatever and the stress of him getting in trouble at every school he attends is making me feel like a complete failure.

[Pema20]

Hi there, it is so painful and exhausting to see our kids struggle. I have a 17 year old daughter and the last 2.5 years have been very tough. After a lot of research and trial and error here is what has helped: 1) parent coaching for me and my husband, by far the most helpful. We have been able to connect better with her and she is more willing to engage with us and seek some help (still not all the help she needs, but progress)., we have learned to speak to her in ways that support her and she is able to hear and respond to better. 2) therapy for me. I was finding myself too stressed and anxious. Our sensitive adhd kids feed off their environment. When we are stressed and anxious, it ups their stress and anxiety. Therapy helps me process my frustration and reframe my fears for my daughter. We are learning to mirror calm and cool and that is helping a lot; 3) therapy for our daughter, it can be very hard to find a good therapist. Look for ones with substantial training in CBT and/or DBT and if you can find an couple your child can interview and choose from so they have a say in who is the best fit for them that helps get more buy in from them; 4) medication, in our case for depression, anxiety and ADHD. The fifth recommendation is one we haven’t succeeded at yet, but I am hoping our daughter will eventually buy in and that is executive functioning coaching. Finally, the teenage years are SO tough. I have long said parenting is not for sissies, but these last few years have really kicked my proverbial butt. Add ADHD and oppositional tendencies and it supercharges the teen roller coaster ride. Know it is HARD and you are not alone. Give yourself a break and take care of yourself. We need to provide scaffolding and support for our teens, but a good part of this, they have to figure out and suffer through themselves, it’s part of them figuring out who they are. Hang in there.

[adhdsuperheromom in reply to Pema20]

Thank you so much for your supportive words and sharing your story. It definitely helps me to understand some days I just feel like a complete failure as a parent.