Single mom dealing with 4 year old ADHD child

[vannybella25]

Hello everyone. My name is Vanessa and i am new here. I hope to get to meet everyone and gain some support. My son is 4 years old and he has ADHD with serious hyperactivity. He's a bright child that completes all of his classwork and homework but it takes time for him to focus. During group activities in school, he is the child jumping around or getting distracted easily. He also has anger issues. He has bad mood swings and likes to defy me. He has been through alot with his father and i divorcing. My son is with me all the time and im having to deal with his behavior issues by myself because hius father is not involved. I am mentally exhausted. I get upset every time he has his meltdowns especially if its in public because other parents might think i can't control my child. I lash out my anger on my son and i don't want to do that to him. I need to vent

[Rowo88]

Hey Vanessa! I'm new here too and looking for support as well! I can completely relate to what you are going through. Hopefully this forum can help. Sending encouragement & positive vibes to you🙇‍♀️

[vannybella25 in reply to Rowo88]

Thank you so much!

[Adhd-mom]

Hi Vanessa. Your story brings back memories. My now 16yr old boy was diagnosed at 4 yrs old and was “asked to leave” 3 different day-care/pre-schools due to his behavior. I was scared for his future, felt like a failure as a mom and really felt helpless. I would say that over the years the impulsivity/behavior issues decreased as he got older. I think I received the last call from the school (about behavioral issues) when he was in Grade 4. I wish this forum was around all those years ago so I could vent and see what worked and didn’t work for other parents that really understood.

Regarding your comment about lashing out in anger. I think we can all say that we have been there! I know in my case when I lost it it seemed to just add fuel to the fire. And I felt horrible afterwards. He was frequently getting reprimanded in school also. One day he said to me- mom why does everyone think I’m bad? So I knew I had to change the way I disciplined him and after that my mission to build this kids self esteem began.

One of the first steps is to understand your child’s brain. I recommend probably any book by Dr Barkley to help with that. There are also adhd parenting programs, behavioral therapy, play therapy, social skills groups etc. Finding a doctor that specializes in adhd is key.

I could probably go on and on - but know that you are not alone, there are good days and bad days, but you can do it ! One day at a time.

[cindaroo in reply to Adhd-mom]

Oh my! Your story is so familiar. We had to hire a "shadower" to attend daycare with our son when he was 4 years old. Terrible behavior day after day. We then saw a child psychologist who was not ready to diagnose him at 4. We thought maybe he was just stretching out his toddler tantrums, hoping he'd change when he got into a real school. Nope. It just continued. Then saw a different psychologist and finally gave in to medicine. He's in 4th grade now and I'd say that things are better, but my heart aches for him. He just told me this weekend "Mom, all the teachers hate me." That tore me apart. Of course I told him that's not true. We just take it one day at a time. Keeping up with a very consistent routine has seemed to be the key in creating a positive environment for him in our home. I wish there was a cure, but the only cure is to do what works best for your child and make changes if and when it no longer works. I'm hoping he doesn't have to struggle so much in his future, that he can find a life and livelihood that makes him a happy and productive adult.

[twinny]

Hi Vanessa, I feel you... I was just told that my 7 yrs old twin boy has ADHD. I cried a lot the first, days, because I didn't know how to deal with it. I went through melted feelings, anger, sadness, anxiety and finally relief. My anger was related all the people (day care, holiday camp, school teacher who rejected my son because of his behaviour, including me because I wasn't aware of what was going on...) his twin sister will always be qualified as the perfect kid everywhere she would be (even at home). I was always called to come and pick him up at the day camp, refund my money because they didn't they didn't want to deal with him. I was called in several times at school and at the day care and would be scared of what will be the story of the day, everyday on my way to pick them up. after each report would punish him (no tv, no candy, no tablet, no toys...) poor thing... I didn't know. And every time He would tell me "but mom I am trying so hard..." ... And I wouldn't listen... Till the day that amazing teacher (GOD bless her everyday of her life) told me that I should check a specialist on my child behaviour, because he is a very good boy, sensitive, intelligent and so smart, but just some little behaviour issues that can easily fixed if addressed the right way. She did not reject him and she would be so patient and helpful with him. His results in class are getting better so we are trying to handle and find the best way to help him shine as star he is. because I know he is an amazing boy. I am glad i found the group and hopefully we could our daily moments... cheers...

[SunshineF]

hi there- just wondering how your son is doing now? I know this post was from years ago. We’re just starting this journey with our 4 yr old and it’s so hard.