Son, 10 yo - taps, talks, hums in class. Gets in trouble daily. He SWEARS he CAN NOT stop. Physically can't, when asked. He says he tells the teachers and they tell him that he CAN and MUST stop. Then he sits there and cries and is ignored. He's the annoying kid in class, parents are writing in about him, the kids don't play with him, teachers are exasperated.
How can I help him and help the teachers understand him?
Has he been diagnosed with Tourette’s? My nephew has ADHD and Tourette’s and, when he was younger, hummed and tapped and repeated phrases. Guanfacine helped him. This may not be your son at all, just resonated with me. Teachers need educating on manifestations of ADHD and tics. If it is tics, CBIT therapy might help. Tourette’s association has lots of info. General info here: chadd.org/about-adhd/tics-a...
What a great response. ♥️
ADHD and ALOT of anxiety. Highly sensitive, embarrassed easily. Overwhelmed easily. Very smart, very in tune with his emotions and picks up on those of others, especially an annoyed teacher or dad. Feels his classmates hate him and teacher has it out for him. Seems that he is soaking in the frustration of everyone around him with his constant movement and noise, including his own.
This sounds just like my 11 yo son. I hope as I read the posts below this someone has the magical fix!
We are excited you are joining us on this journey. Just curious what tools he has now to help him deal with his ADHD?
Many children with ADHD benefit from: therapy, educational plan and medication.
In addition in an educational plan he could be offered tools than could assist him from an Occupational Thearpist. Some of these tools can be at his desk, movement breaks, hand held items and other.
As far as education to the teachers this should be included so that they are aware of his needs.
We are always here to support you. Good luck is getting the supports he needs.
Finally got his IEP in place. Goes in to action this coming week. Has had a counselor for about 2 years, a behavioral therapist for about 6 months outside of school, who goes between the school and home. OT and PT for consult in school. He has 4 movement breaks a day now, he had a VERY easily annoyed teacher who would scream at him that he CAN stop, tell him things like he is not trying, just doing things to get out of work, making up stomach aches to get out of class, once told him she is sick of him. She just left, so now he is cycling between subs.
I just reached out to the behavioral specialist that came with the IEP and she is going to do a lunch bunch with him this week to go over what his accomodations are, she is also going to give a cheat sheet of his needs to every teacher. She should be teaching him replacement stimming that is appropriate in a classroom setting soon...
So it sounds like he is in a general education classroom. Has the team considered moving into a class with a special education teacher. These classes are smaller and can give instruction designed to your sons level. Many general education teachers have a hard time working with kids that have extra needs.
Such a struggle...
THIS was my son in fifth grade! He would make pop sounds with his mouth and drive the class nuts. Same exact story. Teacher could not stand him and would make him sit in the hallway. No friends.
Here is what we found (years later) and it’s not what you think. Our son did it to self soothe. He was so uncomfortable in the classroom it was just an attempt to calm himself.
Teacher did not like him and he felt it. kids didn’t like him and he felt it. And we forced him to go to school. It was just a little boy in a terrible situation trying to cope.
I haven’t had much luck convincing teachers they need to take a new approach. Teachers ultimately want a quiet compliant classroom and there are only two types of teachers for our kids…helpful or unhelpful.
What I also found is when you DO have a teacher that is “helpful” it makes a a HUGE difference. A teacher that doesn’t shame him in front of his peers and make him feel stupid for just being uncomfortable without an outlet. (like an adult stuck in a horrible job with a horrible manager)
I know it’s not the easy answer you were hoping for but if your son is anything like mine was, he feels completely abandoned and disregarded in a moment when he doesn’t even understand his own behavior. He likely feels very unworthy and deep shame for not being able to be the kid everyone wants him to be.
The next year when he had a “helpful” teacher that showed him care and concern instead of disdain and shame…it was a whole new world. With our support at home we were able to reverse the damage to his self esteem and self worth. After all, home was his only “safe” place he could be himself without harsh judgement.
My son is 14 years old now. As I look back I only wish I would have noticed in the moment. I now see how important it is to help them understand their inner world and the impact of their relationships in the outer world. I hope this helps.
LOVE this! ♥️
“ It was just a little boy in a terrible situation trying to cope” wow , yours words were so powerful and helped me see through my son. Thank you
Chills. This is EXACTLY what is happening. I have been pushing and pushing since before the year started, trying to explain. Because I did cyber with him in 2nd grade and part of 3rd through COVID and I KNOW my kid. Dimissed. And Dad would chime in to email threads and tell me to stop giving the teacher a hard time. Dad says that our child is almost 10 and is capable, just needs to do the work. But dad himself was in special ed for 12 years and carries a not good enough stigma, so he sees a very intelligent child and thinks things should just be easy for him.
So he is getting this shaming/blaming, ableist mentality towards him at both school and dad's. It's so damaging.
I read your other responses and just wanted to mention a book I just finished. It was written by a Harvard Psychiatrist on the getting to the root cause of mental health difficulties. Based on what your responses it might be of interest to you too. It is called "Brain Energy" by Christopher Palmer. Just thought I would mention as I found it helpful in my journey with my son.
Also wanted to say I'm rooting for you. This journey is not an easy one, but our kids only need one caring adult to make a huge difference in their lives. That someone is clearly you. Thank you for being so awesome 
Well it might be due to Tourette’s, or self-soothing behavior (for instance due to Autistic Spectrum Disorder).However, hypermobility is definitely a factor in many people with ADHD, especially kids.
About ten years ago, was a Cub Scout leader. There were two Scouts in particular who exhibited behavior like that. One with ASD, and the other with prominent ADHD. The other Pack leaders and I were used to their hypermobility, but a camp leader thought they were just messing around, drawing in the dirt with sticks, and called them out. The mom of the boy with ASD, another leader from our Pack, spoke up for the boys and challenged the camp leader to ask them any questions about the presentation. The two Scouts answered every question put to them by the camp leader (who didn't challenge them again).
The boys both moved naturally while they processed the information they were absorbing. If they had focused on holding still, they would not have had any attention to give to the presentation, and would have missed the lesson. Whenever I taught those boys myself anything, they caught on vet quickly, and could often repeat back my directions in their own words as clearly as I'd given them.
I, myself, have predominantly Inattentive ADHD. I have very little hyperactive traits, but I do know that I subtly fidget with my hands and feet. I was never a distraction on class, but I moved almost as much as kids with Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD do...but my movements are small, subtle, and quiet.
One way I "fidgeted" was by taking notes on class. Once I started taking notes, it helped me to be more attentive...but it also gave direction to my fidgeting. Sometimes, I would make diagrams of the lesson, instead of verbatim notes, because I'm a visual learner more than an auditory one.
Some kids need fidget tools, to channel their energy into. As long as the fidgets aren't loud, and the kid is not throwing or dropping them, such tools may be very helpful.
I also know about a study done of elementary school kids sitting on yoga balls, instead of regular classroom chairs. The ADHD kids ended up paying better attention. (I'm not sure, but I think I heard that some of the neurotypical kids became distracted by their own bouncing, initially.) I heard about the study from one of the ADHD kids in that class.
He brought his own fidgets - they were each taken. She punished him for poking holes in his eraser, shaving a carrot at snack time, scribbling on his math page margins, using putty, because it visually distracted the class how far he pulled it apart, a tiny smooth worry stone in his palm - taken. A pocket sized plush puppy that is his worry puppy at home - fell out of his pocket during a fire presentation - taken for the day. He has been trying on his own to ask for help all year - wants to go to the nurse or counselor to talk about his poor relationship with his dad or his fear of space - teacher told him to keep his home problems at home. Once, he was taking too long to get his binder out of his desk because he is super messy and unorganized. This teacher came up to him, told him to stand, picked his desk up and dumped it on the floor, had him clean it up alone in front of the class!
My child is traumatized and at this point, I think he is bored, feels powerless and unheard, so the noises and behaviors - that are self-stimming - are exagerated out of frustration? Or anxiety - every day he has dread about going to school and getting in trouble. He gets steps every day.
This goes beyond bad teaching. I'd seriously consider taking this to the VP and/or the school board. Make your complaints official. It's standard practice now that as long as a person isn't noisy or disruptive, their choice of fidget or adaptive behaviour (like the doodling and eraser demolition) should be supported and encouraged. People who doodle pay better attention to material, even moreso when the person has ADHD.
Personally I thought that public shaming as a punishment has long since been banned, and punishing someone for behaviour that is a direct result of a developmental disorder is barbaric. Public shaming like that has been shown to influence a pro-bullying attitude in the classroom. When a teacher, who is supposed to be modelling correct, mature adult behaviour acts like this, it teaches the kids that this way of acting is not only acceptable, but is the "right" way to do things.
Thank you for continuing to advocate for your child and for validating his frustration and what is undoubtedly some intense emotions. Hopefully you can get the teacher suspended, or at the very least get your kid moved to a different class.
There are those who say that as parents we need to teach and encourage our kids to self-advocate, and I agree that this is an important skill. The problem with this is that a lot of the issues that are part of ADHD make this difficult, and that assumes that self-advocacy would be effective in that environment. With the discription you give of the teacher, I would be surprised if your kid didn't get punished when he tried to be assertive. While we practice self-advocacy, we also need allies who can model effective advocacy, and who will support us in our battles.
Well it might be due to Tourette’s, or self-soothing behavior (for instance due to Autistic Spectrum Disorder).However, hypermobility is definitely a factor in many people with ADHD, especially kids.
About ten years ago, was a Cub Scout leader. There were two Scouts in particular who exhibited behavior like that. One with ASD, and the other with prominent ADHD. The other Pack leaders and I were used to their hypermobility, but a camp leader thought they were just messing around, drawing in the dirt with sticks, and called them out. The mom of the boy with ASD, another leader from our Pack, spoke up for the boys and challenged the camp leader to ask them any questions about the presentation. The two Scouts answered every question put to them by the camp leader (who didn't challenge them again).
The boys both moved naturally while they processed the information they were absorbing. If they had focused on holding still, they would not have had any attention to give to the presentation, and would have missed the lesson. Whenever I taught those boys myself anything, they caught on vet quickly, and could often repeat back my directions in their own words as clearly as I'd given them.
(BTW - Both went on to become Eagle Scouts, and definitely the boy with ASD went on to college.)
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I, myself, have predominantly Inattentive ADHD. I have very little hyperactive traits, but I do know that I subtly fidget with my hands and feet. I was never a distraction on class, but I moved almost as much as kids with Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD do...but my movements are small, subtle, and quiet.
One way I "fidgeted" was by taking notes on class. Once I started taking notes, it helped me to be more attentive...but it also gave direction to my fidgeting. Sometimes, I would make diagrams of the lesson, instead of verbatim notes, because I'm a visual learner more than an auditory one.
Some kids need fidget tools, to channel their energy into. As long as the fidgets aren't loud, and the kid is not throwing or dropping them, such tools may be very helpful.
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My youngest two kids are homeschooled. My 10 year old son isn't diagnosed with ADHD, but he has hypermobility... When he used to sit on the floor to do his lessons and schoolwork, every time I'd look his way he would be in the exact same spot on the floor, but in a completely different position. He couldn't keep still, but he got his schoolwork done without any issues. When he was made to sit still at his desk, he would work slowly, lose interest, and complain about the work. If he was allowed to squirm and move and wiggle and fidget and tap ...he would do his work faster, more attentively, and no complaining (or less complaining).
Zadey8hdee , are there any sports or activities that your son participates in and enjoys? If so, how well does he seem to engage in those; how well does he seem to absorb and retain information then?
Now reading your post I would say I remember how I was fidgeting as a child at school. And even now I find most chairs highly uncomfortable to sit on.
My both kids use wobbly cushions for sitting on a chair (non ADHD kid loves it too) as it allows fidgeting in a quiet way (moving hips round etc) and also I have special chairs at home for my kids so they are not able to rock back and forth on chairs (such a shame school refused to get such chairs, they told me now my son is in primary school and sits in one classroom but how can this be done in secondary where he has to move class every time and they wouldn’t be able to provide such chair for each class for him). At least at school chairs are low and kids feet are touching ground… Foot rests are also sooo important for such kids, if the feet don’t touch the ground and dangle there is always temptation to swing legs but if there is a foot rest then it’s easier to control.
I totally agree sport and any physical activity is very important for mental well-being of people with ADHD.
This weekend, I put a treadmill in his room. He is going (slowly, but going) non stop for an hour for bed and still not tired. In the morning, a bear to wake up and dread. He does seem to have apnea and will most likely have his tonsils and adenoids removed soon. Which worries me because I had the procedure and now have autoimmune diseases, there seems to be a link. But, he needs to sleep well. Sleep is at the core of a lot of it.
I have been packing him lunch for the past week, even though he gets free lunch - he has eaten the same exact lunch every day for over a year - pizza. He eats it in a particular way, too, picking it a part. Lost of sensory stuff. He's eating what I'm packing him now and it's all whole food, healthy versions of stuff he likes.
We started last week playing Pokemon Go! together. Walked for an hour and no complaints. That was amazing! Slowly finding ways to support him, but I feel very alone and it's exhausting to not have a co parent who is supportive.
This is a medical journal research article about Cyproheptadine. It really is worth reading and you can see for yourself if this would be of any help for your son. cambridge.org/core/journals...
I just want to say that your post made me think out of the box so instead of trying same old- my son with me at the table in our living room doing his maths (or rather sobbing and not doing it and being oppositional, eventually shouty and agitated and making our weekend a nightmare), I asked him to take a bean bag and drag it up to the loft room which is also my husbands office and lay on top of this bin bag with laptop on the floor to do this maths. And it worked, he was in a different environment and in a different position (not sitting at the table) and he didn’t get agitated or oppositional, he just did the exercises.
I think, my son almost has some kind of PTSD each time I ask him to do maths in the living room, the other day he said he doesn’t want to do it because he hates getting things wrong and in maths he gets everything wrong. But it’s only with me he reacts this way. He said he doesn’t know why with the tutor he is fine. So it must be PTSD related to me doing this maths with him.
Maybe some kids have the same PTSD with school and the minute they see that building they just can’t do it…Because they had too many traumatic events there…
My son is really bad with his spacial (he was tested by the educational psychologist) so now we know why he can’t count things quickly and properly when it’s like a group of let’s say 21 dots in maths exercise. He will put numbers in the wrong columns when he is doing column addition and then everything is wrong. Or he will rewrite stuff from the exercise book and already rewrite it wrong (lack of attention) so he will do a calculation right but it’s a wrong calculation.
I just realised now why he prefers literature, history etc and hates maths - because in maths it’s always either right or wrong. You can’t have in maths something that is a little bit ‘right’ and you can’t argue your point if you just didn’t count stuff properly or wrongly added or put it in wrong columns etc 😄 I will be more empathetic now… And I hope that as he grows up he will accept that he has to go over things and check his answers.
P.S. bean bag probably worked once and will not work next time when I ask him to do maths 😄
My son had to do this and other distracting behaviors when he was in elementary school and he was reprimanded often. In fifth grade he had strict teacher who cracked down on it. Later in the year my son had a breakdown. He's 15 now and we realized that he needs some activity to get out his school stress however the damage was done and he can no longer do any schoolwork. Make sure to address this now and be sure he has an outlet for his energy.
Thank you. I have been ill over how hard I've had to fight the teacher. Questioning myself, no one supporting me, but did it anyway. So glad I'm here and have the support now! <3
Soooo sorry that happened to your boy! These teachers should be held responsible.
When did the humming begin? Does he hum outside of class? Do you see a pattern of where and when he hums? I think it would be a good idea to keep this data and ask what happened before to trigger the hum. If it’s a behavior that’s impacting his education you can ask for a behavior intervention plan to help keep track. To help reduce this behavior you will need a plan maybe from a BCBA? What has the school suggested to you?
If he’s being ignored and lonely humming is creating some type of attention albeit negative. My younger brother on the autism spectrum whistles and hums a lot! I tend to see him do that in social situations where he doesn’t know what to say or doesn’t feel comfortable.
So sorry to hear that your son is struggling.
He is vocal all the time at home. We are a very ADHD and sensory seeking friendly home. When I hear him hum at home, I know he is happy. I actually think the humming happens when he is focused and feeling productive, so every time he is scolded, it is interrupting his process. If he's quiet, he is usually sad.
The teacher has yelled in front of class all year and allowed the whole class to participate in the scolding. He's been passed notes to be quiet. Kids run from him after school. He is the sweetest child. He is constantly connection seeking.
Behavior at school JUST stepped in and FULLY understands my son, read back through email threads and can not BELIEVE he has been treated this way. I do believe we will see changes this week. Her plan is to pour praise into him, retrain the teachers and kids... I'm so angry that it was allowed to get this far, but so grateful that we are here.
I am so sorry for him, it must be horrible to be reduced to tears by the teacher over something he can’t stop.
Is he on a stimulant medication? Stimulants can trigger tics (also vocal) and Tourette’s. My son is on Atomoxetine now as he had tics and other problems on stimulants.
My son talks to himself in the evenings when falling asleep (highly annoying and we ask him ‘please thoughts on your head, no talking’) and when he reads his football magazine or when he plays football in the garden and he pretends that he’s the commentator at the same time. I often lose it when he tries to do it at 9am at the weekend and I do harshly tell him off, because poor neighbours - they don’t want to hear him form 9am and believe me, we are a loud shouty family anyway, and we live in a semi so neighbour hears probably everything.
Why I am saying it, because I get annoyed with my son and tell him to stop talking to himself, I ask him please enact this in your head, even though I know he can’t help himself. So I understand the teacher and other kids in your son’s class being annoyed and having trouble to focus when they have white noise of humming all the time from your son. Maybe some of them (including the teacher) have sensory integration issues and can’t cope with white noise of humming? I for example can’t have ticking clocks (I take them off the walls and take batteries out as I can’t have that ticking).
However school can’t just say ‘stop’ without giving your son some strategies, especially that ADHD counts as a disability! Surely psychologist should help to give him some strategies to control it.
Also worth trying as advised by other replies to ask his doctor if any other medication would help with this.
He is not (yet) on meds. I want to jump a few hurdles first - the sleep study, tonsil removal, healthy weight program and nutritionist before medication.
We have serious psych issues in our family - my mother is severely mentally ill - schizoaffective disorder. My oldest son, also ADHD, had extreme neurological tics at this age and then some seizures, mostly around sleep. Lip licking, head to the side roughly like cracking his neck. cracking his wrists, no vocal tics. They went away eventually without meds. I believe they presented under stress/nerves, tiredness, certain ingredients. He also did the tapping and moving his feet, always touching things, moving them... I used to get SUPER annoyed. I'm also ADHD/anxiety and it would get under my skin to the point of boiling. Three kids, a (now ex) husband all with ADHD later and LOTS of counseling and therapy for myself, I'm in tune with it and USUALLY (we all have our bad days) able to remain calm and co-regulate with him.
So, I UNDERSTAND the frustration and have even empathized via email and told her so. But I do not excuse the plain sh!t behavior by her, especially when I'm here explaining what he needs and why what she is doing works against her (public shaming, taking recess, making him sit for an hour to finish something he is hung up on - all actually hinder the situation.)
Yes, the behavioral therapist during the IEP meeting last week said to the teacher (it was also his teacher's last day, so too late to apply the changed behavior/thinking in her and she's on to ruin other kids' self esteem) that you can't expect a child to stop doing something without first replacing the unwanted behavior.
Let’s hope that this teacher quit teaching, some people should have never become teachers in the first place! Or do you know that she got work in another school? She seems like she is a bully that picks on weaker kids.
I totally understand the genetic factors etc. and that you worry. Also understand you are worried about the tonsils however my dad had them taken out like in 1960ies due to frequent tonsillitis and he’s been fine, he hasn’t developed any autoimmune or anything after that. I mean, if someone is unlucky they can die having general anaesthetic so I suppose there is always a risk with any hospital procedure. And with genetically shaped factors- you just don’t know. It’s best not to think too much about thighs that we can’t change!
I understand why you are reluctant to start medication however the right medication does help with ADHD and anxiety. And once that’s at bay a child is more resilient and copes better with unkind people etc. To give you example- my son has been suffering from prolonged bullying, certain kids target him psychologically by framing him and then going to the teacher, and other times it’s just physical assaults on him or stuff similar to gang and prison culture- make him move place in the dining hall etc. Since he’s on Atomoxetine his mood is lifted and he is resilient, he doesn’t get upset about this, he stands up to bullies, he is able to present his case with the teachers and he tells me at home what has been happening so I can sort things for him by demanding teachers to act.
So I’d look at non stimulants - for example Atomoxetine also helps with tics. And also improves mood and helps with anxiety. But of course it may not be right for your child. It’s usually a long journey until the right medication is found, let’s say my son was put on too low dose for many months so at first Atomoxetine ‘didn’t work’ and only when I convinced psychiatrist to prescribe him the right dose for his weight - medication started showing therapeutic effect.
Also have a read and ask your child’s doctor about Cyproheptadine as it is in most countries over the counter antihistamine but it does have off license use in children to tackle appetite suppression and it can even help with picky eating, it is also a mild anti depressant and sedative so it helps children with sleep.
Last but not least. Have you looked into PANDAS and PANS? My son as a baby and toddler had frequent bacterial (strep) infections in his throat and nose and it was messing him also neurologically plus he slept badly because he was always blocked up. We had him seen by a neurologist specialising in PANDAS at 6 years old and he was put on oral antibiotic for 2 months. Then immunologist also prescribed him nasal steroids for 6 months. Since this treatment he stopped getting all those frequent colds turning into bacterial infections, he’s 10 now and he just doesn’t get ill anymore.This long antibiotic treatment stopped tics (he had eye rolling and some weird movements) and many order things neurologically worrying us resolved within 2 weeks of starting antibiotic. I mean it wasn’t as simple as that- he had a battery of blood tests first to check if there wasn’t any underlying other problem, they even checked him for boreliosa and Lyme disease- I think it’s something to do with ticks from the woods.
It’s worth checking other things. I mean, those ticks from the woods can cause boreliosa etc and it stays dormant for years but it can affect brain function. In continental Europe in many countries there are routine vaccination programs but that’s only for tick bourne encephalitis, but even boreliosa can affect brain causing psychiatric presentation in adults or kids.
Can you get an IEP accomodation so he can chew gum in class, listen to calming music with headphones, sketch art or get more exercise breaks? Have you worked with an occupational therapist on this? My son does same thing but OT for sensory processing issues, gum, and interactive learning has helped a lot.
I will make sure gum, music, and doodling are in his plan. All things that help him greatly! He is an artist.
I agree with the possibility of Tourette Syndrome. I would suggested talking to his pediatrician. My daughter has ADHD and Tourette Syndrome and her neurologist has written a note for school in regards to her tics.
How does your school manage subs and special teachers? How do they ensure the plan and your child's needs are cascaded down to all who interact with her?
So if your son has an IEP or 504 Plan then the school has to follow it. It shouldn’t matter what teacher they have. Accommodations like breaks may be helpful. If your son feels the urge to swear he could say go to the bathroom and get it all out so he isn’t disrupting class.
In my long reply, I realize that I didn't address the humming.
As others have mentioned, there could be different reasons for it. It could be evidence of an underlying condition (Tourettes, autism, a sensory processing sensitivity).
Some people need some constant white noise, so if they don't have it in their environment, they are compelled to make their own.
Does your son exhibit the humming behavior at home? If so, is it anytime, or only when he's in a quiet space, or only in a noisy space? Or does he hum while doing homework, but not at other times.
This makes me realize that my own 10 year old son randomly hums. My 8 year old daughter thinks that he does it to annoy her, and sometimes I think that he actually does, but not most of the time he hums. He seems to need some sort of background noise all the time. With my son, I think that it's a sensory issue.
The one exception is when he's reading, and really into what he's reading. He can be quiet as a mouse in a totally quiet house. I suspect that at those times it's his internal voice while reading that gives him the simulation he needs.
(My son has other auditory sensory issues, like being scared of the noise of fireworks and similar sound... interestingly, only in the outside world and recorded video, but usually not in the virtual world of video games.)
I really appreciate your wealth of experience, feedback, and questions!
I did see in the IEP how all the evals included what was happening right before and what the outcome was... the before and after. I will start watching that specifically at home. I'm a single mom of 3, work full time from home, but for a structured job and am in school part time, so I am normally in the middle of something alongside him. I'm practicing being mindful and I'm taking things off of my plate as fast as I can so I can just be his support. We recently both had COVID and I have had long term implications to my autoimmune diseases, so I am currently home on FMLA. During this time, I've been making every logical healthy improvement I can for us both and scheduling all the specialists. I will make the time to observe this.
He does hum at home, repetition of song lyrics, I hum when I feel overwhelmed but am getting things done. I've caught myself in previous high -stress jobs. He's also got a great voice, so I think he enjoys hearing himself. I do, too. I'll have to watch, but I think he is dead silent when he builds with Legos or creates things with random household items.
That is a great observation about irl/virtual. He covers ears for vacuum, thunder, is terrified of storms. But he willingly watches youtube shorts based on horror game characters with jump scares, and draws those characters for enjoyment. The drawings have been disturbing but when I talk to him, it seems to be a source of calm for him. He is not at all violent - he is so compassionate towards his friends and animals. (We use catch and release traps and he cried and demanded that we put enough food and water in the bucket so they have enough strength to run from predators in the wild!!) It's as if he dives into his fears artistically and since he can manipulate them in the art world, he is in control of them and not scared. Hmm...wonder if I could get him to try to simulate space and storms in drawing or sound recreation to help overcome? Transmute fear energy into art energy.
He is very sensitive. A patriotic song will make him cry because pop pop who died is a veteran. Slow songs in the car, he'll ask us to change because they create such a high level of sadness discomfort that he seems like he is crawling out of his skin. He cries over moving commercials. The one with the duck who wants to go to Disney and finally gets there? He bawls. And then rewatches several times and bawls each time. And then snuggles in with me and sobs. He cries sometimes because he thinks he loves me too much. He asks why I love him so much and why I'm so kind to him and thanks me... it's wild. He's bursting at the seams with compassion and is treated like a little sh!t by teachers. I see him hardening towards the world and to some degree I understand thick skin, but I don't want him to have to trade who he is in order to "just survive" the world. He has a light that this world needs.
No advise just empathy. I have a 6 year old who annoys with classmates and teachers with all the sounds and taps .... HUGS
<3
Impulse control can be severely impaired in those of us with ADHD. The reality is that it may not be possible for him to just will himself to stop. I scratch my scalp, or my arms, not to the point of bleeding or anything, but if I try to stop myself from doing it, it takes about three seconds before it feels like bugs are crawling on my skin, and before long the discomfort can become intense. It's not caused by an itch; it's more of a nervous habit. I still bite my nails, and still have a callous on the knuckle of my right index finger from a year when I used to gnaw on it.
My best recommendations are:
1) frequent practice of mindfulness and relaxation (especially breathing and progressive muscle relaxation, which can be done without anyone noticing). Many of my habits are linked to anxiety, and the reaction you're describing from his teacher and peers would likely add gasoline to the fire.
2) find a behaviour that's not disruptive that scratches the same metaphorical itch. This can be hard. Maybe start with modifying the behaviour slightly (e.g. tapping his leg instead of the desk, writing down what he wants to say, twiddling with his pencil). Maybe find something for him to have in his mouth to both substitute for, and interfere with, his vocal disruptive behaviour.
3) remind the teacher that ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that impairs executive function, which not only weakens his impulse control, but also decreases his distress tolerance, and his ability to plan. Telling him that he needs to stop is like telling someone in a wheelchair that they need to climb the stairs. Sure, they might be able to do it eventually, but not without Herculean effort, and not without psychological and possibly physical harm being caused. Instead of telling him to stop, try telling him what to do instead, or asking him what to do instead.
4) watch the long presentation by Barkley (search for "Barkley ADHD parents" on YouTube). It will likely help empower you to advocate for your kid.
5) help your kid learn about ADHD from good, positive sources. There WILL be people in his life that will tell him he just needs to try harder, or that he could somehow decide not to have ADHD, or other similar things. I feel it's my job as a parent to arm my son against such idiots.
I downloaded Headspace the other night and he zonked out to Mathew Mcconahay reading a story. So calming. Will continue to find him mindfulness and breathing relaxation/meditation for him.
Ugh, thank you so much for this! A thing running through my mind has been - if my son had a cast on, would you give him a step for taking too long to get to the lunch room? NO! Yet you give him a step for humming, tapping, talking. IT IS THE SAME!
I will watch!
What if one of his BIGGEST BULLIES is his own father? I'm doing all I can to build him up on my end, but how do you protect him from his own family? One of his sisters and his father's gf, as well. Call him a baby, he is a baby for needing counseling. For having a support plushie. For crying over things. Has him sitting in a car for 3 hours for errands but scolds him for being on his phone - wants him to look out the window, instead. Yells at him all the time for things he can't control.
Unfortunately you can't force his father to educate himself. The most you can do is challenge his statements when he makes them, provide support to your kid, and encourage his dad to take a close look at the impact he's having on his kid.
ADHD is a disorder of doing, not of knowing. I know how to keep my house neat. I know how to file my taxes and keep track of the paperwork. Does that mean I can reliably do those things without support and a MONUMENTAL effort? No. And people see me do it once, and think: "See? You can do it, it's not a problem" which always felt to me like telling someone who just finished running a marathon that they should have no problem running for their 26mi commute each day. It's totally dismissive of the effort leading up to and following through on the task.
Paint a picture for him as much as you can, and have lots of discussions with your kid illustrating the ways in which his dad is a piece of... Um, that he's an idi.... Um, that he's wrong. Help your son understand what stigma is, what microaggressions are, and give him some tools to battle it.
And be there for him, support him, and continue to be a champion for him.
Overwhelmed and at a loss
Technology in education is horrible for ADHD students to follow. Horrible. I'm so tired. 🙁
Referral 
