Looking for support

[Numberate]

Hi, I’m coming on here to write about a situation that just occurred with my 12 year old son. I am mortified and sad for him and am looking for anyone who has been in my shoes. I made the mistake of allowing him to spend the night at a friends knowing that his group of friends stay up late and before a day where we made plans with other friends. My son did not sleep AT ALL. He came home around 11 and went straight to his room and passed out. He forgot to take his medicine. I woke him up around 4:30 so I could take him to his friend event. He ate quickly and was still tired but we wanted to keep our planned commitment. The event was very high energy, a lot of commotion and it was a competition. My son was A MESS. I could tell he was tired, anxious and rebounding from not having his medication. He was emotional, angry, started crying and could not keep his hands off his friends. It broke my heart to see because I could see his friends getting annoyed. I should have just called it a night, but we had planned it and if we left, then his team wouldn’t have be able to participate. One set of parents stayed and they could see what was happening. It was so bad that I felt like I had to explain the situation which probably just sounded like an excuse. Thankfully, the mom was so nice and understanding. I kept having to redirect my son more than usual. He was out of sorts. I felt so much guilt and the next day you could tell he was remorseful/embarrassed of his behavior. I felt like I should have know better. He needed extra love and reassurance and we made sure to give it to him while making it a teaching moment for all of us including him. As a parent I felt like I should have done better and for him, he has learned the importance of remembering on his own to take his medication and taking care of his mind and body. Ugh! It’s just one of those moments that you wish you could go back in time. We’ll just have to take it as a learning experience.

[Imakecutebabies]

I am very sorry you and he had this regrettable experience. However, I wanted to say that I LOVE the phrasing of "taking care of his mind and body" and am going to start using that. My 6yo doesn't really understand why he takes daily medication because he doesn't remember life before he was on it, and he has started to resist taking it sometimes. I love this gentle way of promoting it to him. That being said, I'm sure every child with ADHD has regrettable moments--we've certainly had our fair share. Perhaps help him plan how to apologize to his friends (without feeling the need for an excuse beyond, perhaps, having been overtired) next time he sees them if he's afraid of damaging the relationship.

[Momtrying]

don’t beat yourself up! We have all been in that same situation where we should’ve done something differently but they are also good learning moments because then we see how important the schedule and the medication is. But you seem to be trying very hard so don’t get so upset with yourself. It may be a good reminder now when he wants to do something like that again. Keep trying!

[NYCmom2]

We’ve all been there! I agree with you that this was a learning experience and reminder to know our limits and schedule transition time and down time into our kid’s schedules (and our schedules as well).

You listed a lot of wins! He kept it together well enough given the strains and met all of his scheduled obligations.

You framed it all well: repair the relationships, learn from the experience, forgive ourselves and keep moving onward. This is a great opportunity to model self forgiveness!

[Momofmischief]

Oh man, I can relate. Please give yourself as much kindness as you gave your son....ADHD parenting is so hard and it is nearly impossible to be on top of every situation. I hear in your description a mom who wants so badly for her kid to have strong social connections and to feel 'normal'. It's a lesson I have to learn over and over again...that my kiddo is not like neurotypical kids and we can't do things the same way that other families do. Your instincts to wrap him in love and compassion the day after when he was struggling were 100% right on. You are doing an awesome job and I see you!