New parent looking for info/support/answers

[Jaden78]

Hi. To introduce myself, I’m mom to a 7 year old boy who was diagnosed with ADHD-hyperactive type about a year ago. The biggest concern over all was his impulsivity as he physically lashes out at other kids and myself. We started a med trial in February, switched to another medication in June. While both medications help a little bit it doesn’t seem to help as much as I would’ve liked. We switch to a new daycare in June also. We participated in a individual phone in counselling parental support program for the last four months. I am getting an SLP assessment. I thought we were on the right track, then summer hit.

He was registered in two week long camps. One he continued going to because they let him play video games all day (against my instructions), the other I pulled him out of because he was not participating and non-compliant. Then we went to Disney World (not my idea) and it was horrible. He was so overwhelmed and out of control that I ended up having to restrain him in a restaurant to stop him from hurting me then we left the park. That was only one of the incidents while we were there.

It seems that was the last straw because now I am a bundle of anxiety about him and his future. Is it more than ADHD, am I crazy, how will Grade 2 go, how do I best help him, is it my fault, I could go on for days....

Hello and thank you for having this group available.

[Adam081911]

Hi, thank you for posting this. I just wanted to say that I am on the same boat. My son was diagnosed with ADHD last year and will turn 7 in a couple of weeks. Same grade as your son. He takes Ritalin. This is the third medication he has tried. Other two didn't seem make a noticeable positive difference but low appetite and sleep. So those didn't benefit him at all. This Ritalin, all teachers noticed a BIG difference. My son is combination type of ADHD. Without meds, he can't do any work.... following instructions, etc....

His pediatrician said, if it's the right meds, it works like a magic. That was Ritalin for him.

If you're not sure about the meds your son is taking, probably not the right one.

With meds, my son can follow instructions, listens much much better and the relationship between us is much better. He is more normalized. I recently posted here about my struggles, so meds don't work like a perfect answer but it makes a huge difference. Sorry, it's not much of an advise but just wanted to show my support and share my story. I get anxiety a lot too.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you will get what you need on this group.

[Jaden78 in reply to Adam081911]

Thank you for the reply. Yeah I’m not sure it’s the right one, eating and sleep a problem for sure. Thx again. Nice to know I’m not alone.

[lucybow in reply to Jaden78]

You are not a bad parent and it is certainly not your fault. ADHD is neurological and although it often runs in families, it can’t be caused by you. You son’s symptoms sound very typical of ADHD as my son did many of the things you described including hurting me and others. Medications are tricky as some work and others really don’t. Some people don’t benefits from medications at all. My son went through 5 different meds and the one he’s on one is “good”, but by no means perfect. He still has outbursts and his moods can be crazy, but as he gets older, it does seem to get better.

I have ADHD as well and anxiety so we are quite a team i think what works best for us is establishing predictable routines and consistently. I don’t do a great job at that yet, but I try. If your SLP works on social skills, that would be great!

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time but you are not alone. Hang in there!

[Jaden78 in reply to lucybow]

Thank you.

[SilvinaNRC]

Hello Jaden, I am sorry that you are having difficult times with your son. Most ADHD children are full of energy, enthusiasm and spontaneity! But sometimes is too much and not socially appropriate.

I just want to invite you to read some articles for parents that we have in the National Resource Center on ADHD web site. You will find lots of information and tips on this website.

You also subscribe to Ask the Expert Webinars, they are free and open to the public on our You Tube Channel: youtube.com/user/HelpForADHD

These webinars are made by very well known ADHD specialists in the USA. One webinar that might be helpful for your situation is called: ADHD and Oppositional Behavior on Children, by Dr. Barbara Howard. Here is the link:

youtube.com/watch?v=IzCPCMQ...(Not working as expected?)

Here are some links to written materials:

chadd.org/Understanding-ADH...

Hope this help, you can always contact our NRC Helpline 1-800-233-4050 we are from Mondays to Fridays from 1 PM to 5 PM (Eastern Time)

[Jaden78 in reply to SilvinaNRC]

Thank you. I started watching this video the other. Need to finish it.

[Mudpies]

You are not alone. My son is combined type ADHD the same age and grade as your son. He was diagnosed last September and we are on our 4th medication. In the beginning my son couldn’t (wouldn’t) swallow pills so we were limited to what he could try. We recently switched off of stimulants all together. His ticks are worse but I am ignoring that because he is much better. His anxiety is lower so he isn’t picking at scabs anymore, sore places he’s had all summer are finally healing. His behavior and attitude are improving as well so my anxiety is important. I am no longer living in fight or flight mode like I was before. The first week of the transition was HARD but we seem to be moving in the right direction. We keep the same routine no matter what and that really seems to help him. I also keep my expectations in check (I don’t expect as much from him in the form of doing chores, helping around the house, or getting himself ready) and try my best to emotionally remove myself when things get heated. At the instruction of our pediatrician we put a locking doorknob on the outside of my sons door. When things were at their worst (prior to this medication) my son was intentionally pushing my buttons for hours at a time, yelling at me, telling me I was a bad mommy, and throwing things at me. We call his door with the lock the calm down door. When he needs to calm down or I need to calm down we use it. Yes, he locks himself in there sometimes and he will call me when he’s ready to come out. The longest we have needed to use it is about 15 minutes. Since he has been on this new medication we have not had to use it at all. Finding the right medication is key. It can be a nightmare getting there but in my experience it’s worth it. Just remember, you’re not alone. I had no idea all of this behavior was normal with ADHD until I joined this group. I feel so much better about my son now. I hope some of our comments will help put your mind and heart at ease also.

[Jaden78]

Thank you for your kind words.

[Ldydy24]

Hang in there. We all been through the journey you are experiencing and like others have said it sometimes takes several tries of meds to find the right one. My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5 and it took me 3 years to find the right meds. He had terrible impulse control and like you said, some of the meds would help a little but not completely. We tried 7 diff meds over the course of 3 yrs and 3 different doctors! I kept a spreadsheet of each of the meds we tried and the pros/cons of each one so I was prepared as I moved to a new doctor. My best advice is if the meds don’t seem to be working good enough move on. And sometimes that means switching doctors. Don’t wait months to try a new one. You should be able to tell after a few days/week if it’s not working. My son is now 13 and takes Focalin several times a day. It’s the only med that has helped control his impulses and helped him focus for the past 5 years. Good luck an don’t give up.

[Jaden78]

Wow! That’s quite the med journey. I guess I was hoping it’d be a little easier. No such luck. I am going to ask our pead for a referral to a psychiatrist bc I want someone with more experience working with us. A spreadsheet is a good idea. Thank you