My son told us he hated school since third grade. He is now in 8th grade. He hates to study, he hates to memorize and reading it not his friend. If something is quick and easy he is happy to do it. He does complete his assignments in class but getting him to do his homework is like moving a 10 ton brick. It has taken much work on my and my husband's part to help him finish things and get decent grades. However, he himself does not seem to be motivated by grades.
He will be in high school next year and the fear in me is mounting. Much more will be expected of him and I think my husband and I are burnt out on trying to help him to be a good student. I am wondering if any of you have experienced something similar and have found and tools to that help. Our son is a bright boy but his lack of motivation makes him a poor student. We have tried punishments and rewards but nothing seems to work for him consistently. Looking for any tips that have worked to increase levels of motivation.
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Julie001
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Thanks for the post!Yes high school is no joke. Especially for kids with ADHD.
I am not sure what tools ( educational plan, therapy and medication) your son has to survive school life.
But what has saved us was some type of activity outside school. No matter how much trouble our son was in we agreed we would not take sports away from him.
For us it was Tae Kwan Do, now it is a Team sport. This really allowed him to balance "day life", which he hated with the fun he could have with pratice, competitions and success.
I can't say enough about the educational plan ( 504 or IEP) you can write in there many things to support him ( like extented time doing assignments) you should also look into a study skills class, which is considered an elective class where a teacher can look over his work and support his learning needs during school hours.
agree with ONTHEMOVE too. Our almost HS graduate has similar issues that came to a head in COVID. No interest in many things, and LOMO man in school. Taking away his phone was ineffective. The best solution we lucked upon was a tutor that I found through FB Groups for our community. His tutor is ADD, a college graduate and graduated from the same HS. We were able to manage the tutor rather than the homework!
I have done this too! Our tutor (who also has adhd) has helped push our high school daughter through homework. It has been the only thing that consistently works. The only other thing that sometimes works is “body doubling” which is where I sit at the table with her (doing my own thing) while she works on a chunk of homework.
The idea of a tutor sounds good. Did you find them through ADD groups on Facebook? We have looked for a tutor but found the EF tutors are like 200/hour. A bit much for us.
we found our sons tutor through FB groups for our local city - not ADD specific but got lucky in that he’s also ADHD and mature and had graduated from the same HS. Our son needed the motivation and focus to do his homework. We have used him sometimes 20 hours per week and can’t afford the premium tutor price that some other tutors charge. I also shared his name at a small breakfast that our HS Special Needs parent organized - that’s always a great way to get resources, through other parents w similar needs.
Hi, I am in the same boat. My son is in 3rd grade. I just had a meeting with his teacher's about his lack of motivation. I found that my son needs structure and I try my hardest to do that. My ex husband's house has no structure at all. I have him in a special school, he has language based learning disabilities so reading he hates. I have him in extra help outside of school as well. He loves sports so I have him in basketball right now and in the spring he does flag football.
As others say- for us finding a tutor also improved things. My son’s tutor is not perfect, she kind of doesn’t understand ADHD even though I gave her a handout with strategies that work and what doesn’t work. She still comments on petty little things- let’s say if she asks my son to put pen down and do work with pencil, if he doesn’t put the pen down gently she will not give him ‘points’ at the end of the session. She also doesn’t allow him a fidget toy, she says she won’t have him playing with anything during her lesson. So anyway, even though she is so rigid, he respects her and he does work for her. He can cope for 45 minutes up to 1 hour with her and he started catching up with maths. And it’s really visible - he noticed he got better at maths and he is less anxious and not as avoidant about it. I think sometimes kids lose motivation and don’t want to do things because they fear they are so behind and ‘what’s the point’.
We are struggling with the same issues in my home. My son is in the 7th grade, no motivation at all for school YET is very anxious about his grades. We have a 504 Plan which we have just met with admin to make more specific to his needs, and they are going to establish an EST as well. Our state is very difficult to qualify for an IEP (we've tried already) but we may request reevaluating our son again if his schoolwork doesn't improve with additional supports. We have also considered a tutor, us trying to help him just ends in a battle. He is hoping to get into technical school in the 10th grade, but you still need passing grades to apply. If only all classes could be hands on, he'd excel!
I have a son just like yours, he never like school, sitting down on a chair and a desk for that many hours is always been a torture for him, on prek was diagnosed with hiper activity , and disruptive behabion by the time he was in 3rd G he cried everyday not wanting to go to school, he has a IEP since he was 4 for ADHD and unespecific learning disabilities, basically cant memorized, can explain or write reading materials, everything relating with reading and comprehension is torture,a 30 or 60 minute home work for other kids will turn into 4-5 hours for him , so I never really believe in home work myself, I tried to add the "no homework" clause on his EIP but everytime it gets denied, he was born at the end of July so he was always one of the youngest on his class, I tried for him to repeat 2nd G, the school denied because his EIP protect him for getting held back, even though I was requesting it, tried again in 3rd G, denied again, I choose to do it my self and he repeated 3rd G on a on line school, so basically was home school but through a virtual academy (Connections Academy) a public on line school , and luckily they used the same books and materials that his regular school used the prior year he loved it so much that he wanted to keep on the online Academy for the following years, I told him no because he was doing less and less work as the months went by, after that the pandemic hit for the school year 2019-2020 , so he started 4th G and after 5 months all schools were closed and being a single working parent all I could do is place them in a day care center were the staff could not help the older kids with any school work whatsoever, thinking they schools would open after that summer I ride the waive, for my suprise the schools were not open after the summer on 2020 I place them is a charter school that decided to remain open but I place him on 4th G since he only learned anything for half of the year, thos 2 years that he got "held back " it help him to mature and became more confident, he no longer is the smallest kid on his class and for that reason he dont feel he os the dumbest one either (like he just to feel before) he is now in 6th G and 13 years old still struggles with english, literature and all that has to do with writing and reading/ comprehension) I know that he wont be going to college, he is good with his hands so he probably find a trade school afer high school that wil motivate him to do, he is never been motivated for grades or anything like that but again he is been never motivated for anything in life, (that is one of the ADHD symptoms) also ADHD kids will always be 30% behing in maturity so take that in consideration...ne is never put in any medication , he is very skinny and has problems falling sleep as it is, I tried to give him a balance diet, vitamins and motivate him to participate in sports to keep his mind and body occupied the only thing he wants to do is play videogames....he is already going though puberty so I also fear the high school years and behond ....
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9yr old new school, I’m losing it
My son gets a iep and still failing, not sure what to do.
Question from mom of high school boy
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