I am looking for feedback from other parents regarding how best to approach school. My son (age 7) is intellectually gifted and has fairly severe ADHD as well as sensory issues. He has really struggled socially and I suspect that he also may have dysgraphia. His teacher complains about his handwriting and often keeps him in at recess to redo his work.
However he does very well on tests and is grade levels ahead in reading and math. He often asks me to help him find more challenging work and when we brought this up his teacher basically instructed us to work with him on advanced math at home. In the class she has him help correct other students work which I doubt is doing him any favors socially. Because he does so well academically the school has said he does not need an IEP.
I feel like on one hand he needs remedial help with social skills, writing, and executive function but on the other he needs accelerated coursework. I also feel strongly that he would benefit from a much smaller class size and more individualized instruction.
My question is this: if you have had a similar situation, what has worked and what hasn’t? We are open to a private program but there are none in our area that come close to meeting our son’s needs. We would have to move. Is it worth it? I have this gut feeling that if we could find a good fit for him at school he would truly thrive. Whereas now I am just watching his self-esteem drop daily and enjoy school less and less.
Son lacks motivation for school
High school?
School frustrations
Us against the school, again
This sounds very familiar. I have B/G 13-year old twins (as I've said in other posts) so our situation is a little more complicated. Both have ADHD. We opted to go to public school over private. My daughter would have done awful in private but my son would have thrived. Not knowing early on and being overwhelmed w/2 ADHD kids with other issues, we kept them both in public...went through a lot with both but he's now settled and doing well in public. But we do have extra resources that have helped. My son has all of what you mentioned (and anxiety). it all started to come out in 3-4 grade. He had a very demoralizing teacher, which ramped up the anxiety. Finally, by spring I was able to get his teacher changed, but the self-esteem damage had been done. the 504 did nothing (in 5th grade). In early winter of 5th grade I approach the school re: IEP. He went through the process (4/17) and was granted an IEP (for the ADHD) under "Otherwise health impaired." His grades were excellent. When undergoing the IEP process the 3rd marking period grades came in and he receive his first (and only) "f". There are 3 criteria in the state of NJ - 1) Student must have a disability according to an eligibility category (in his case, ADHD), 2) disability must adversely affect the student's educational performance (he was melting down and refusing to do work) & 3) Must be in need of special ed services (it was easy to identify services he might benefit from - aid, modified work, etc). I think it was his anxiety, which lead to behavior problems that got him the IEP. He moved to middle school for 7th grade and is now in a intense in-school counseling program which is helping him greatly. My daughter, who is all in advanced classes (bored out of her mind in elementary school), was denied and IEP in Nov. 2018 because her grades were too good basically. She is horrible with her focus and went through a depressive funk. The work is a lot harder and there is a lot more of it. Her tenacity got her through. Although multi-tasking helps her through as well: while doing a math sheet in class, she was listening a documentary on the great white shark, reading an article on the history of the sharpie marker and was the first finished with her math sheet. (Meds were awful for her and now she is refusing any.) I thought an aid, time extensions for assignments, etc. could help but she didn't qualify. She also didn't want "any special services." I feel your pain and KNOW it this isn't easy!!
RE: your son, I think it depends upon his personality and how badly bored, etc. he is, but it sounds like private school would be a good fit. If you decide to go for it, do it sooner rather than later!! Smaller classes could help him socially as well as stimulate him intellectually. But you won't want to do it once he makes a friend or two. He won't want to move. Good luck.
Thank you for your detailed reply. I’m glad to hear your children are doing better. It sounds like a long road. I guess I’m hoping that by finding a good school fit, we will be able to avoid fighting with the schools in the first place.
The only addition to this I would make is, something private schools do not have the resources to handle kids with ADHD, so investigate thoroughly whether or not the would be able to provide an extra teacher to help if needed. My son was in a private PreK program, and when his behavior got bad they didn’t have the resources to remove him from the class to allow him to calm down. This was all pre-diagnosis, so they just labeled him a bad kid, and we are still fighting that mentality to this day (he’s in 1st grade)
Oh I completely hear you! I don’t think any of the private schools in our area would be able to meet my son’s needs. I am considering a school that is specifically set up for gifted children with learning differences. On paper it sounds perfect but of course we would visit and vet it further. The downside is that all of these types of schools are in areas with high cost of living and have a huge tuition.