violent talks

[evgeniya1989]

Is it something "normal" for kids with adhd to have violent talks? our child really can talk about so violent things (even though books and tv are restricted and highly monitored).

[Mom1971]

mine is not super frequent but when it happens it freaks me out. I was told perhaps it was intrusive thoughts and they don’t really know how to filter so well to know we do t say that out liud

[Hidden]

I think it depends how old your child is and what they talk about. If a child talks about harming animals and it seems as if they enjoy talking about it or maybe you have seen them harming animals then it’s a WARNING sign and it’s nothing to do with ADHD. Then you need to immediately seek psychological help for the child.

However if it’s the normal boys stuff something said in anger ‘I want to punch him, I hate him, he kicked the ball when I held it with both hands and I had it and it wasn’t going in the goal but he kicked it in and the coach didn’t say it was foul and counted the goal in…’ Kids with ADHD have poor impulse control, they say before they think, they act before they think.

My son is 9 and he loves Alex Rider books (it’s like James Bond for teens). There is a lot of violence and killing, blowing up things… I am not thrilled by this but I have 2 boys and they like Nerf guns, laser guns birthday parties, also they watch ‘News round’ which is BBC news for children and they know about the war in Ukraine, they talk about it, they can see armed men and blown up houses and they know that people killed by the Russian army are found in mass graves … So it’s hard to shield the kids form all this.

They also play ‘cops and robbers’ at school at play time… Kids with ADHD do have anger issues so I wouldn’t worry if in anger a child shouts something which sounds like a violent threat, even toward the parent. They don’t mean it.

[ADHD_DAD]

I often see decisions as risk/benefit. This is perhaps nothing, but there is risk in ignoring it if you are wrong about that. However, I see no harm (and much benefit) to bringing it to the attention of his psychologist or psychiatrist. If he doesn't have one, now is likely to time to add such a person to the team. Such a person can often add value to the management of ADHD even if the violence talk is just talk.

[momwifedaughtersis]

When our son was younger (5-6), he drew a lot of violent things, Eg, weapons and cartoonish dead bodies with x’s for eyes. During his testing for ADHD at age 6, the psychologist noted disturbing themes in his responses (violence) and very blurred line between fantasy and reality for his age. We were so upset and worried at the time to read/listen to her assessment - it seemed like a prediction of very bad things to come. However I am so happy to say, now at age 10, things are SO much better. He still gravitates to violent themes in his art but so far, there’s no evidence of violence toward self or others or anything like that. We’ve been lucky and privileged to have good therapists, psychiatrist, and school support. I read about how in general, young boys’ tendency toward violent games has to do with feeling powerless in their day to day lives, and experimenting with being in charge and in control. My therapist encouraged me to think about how scary it must be for a kid who can’t control their actions, and how frustrating it is for them to get so much negative reinforcement from everyone (stop doing that! What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know better? Etc). She suggested to say things like “this is hard but we are going to figure it out together. There are people who can help us, and we are finding them” etc. Whatever will help the child to feel less alone and more secure. Hope it’s helpful. Hugs to you and your boy!