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ADHD Parents Together
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Trying to Understand my 9 year old Adhd son

Hello, I am new to this group. Looking for assistance on parenting a 9 yr old boy with adhd. My son has shown concerns since 2 years old. Very active and dangerous. Child development he would fight the teacher and kids in a very violent way. Slap them with lunch trays and punch the teachers in the stomach. I thought changing schools and environments would change things. We moved to Ohio with my father and things were the same. Came back to South Carolina and has. been dealing with IEPs, counseling, medications and behavior every since 2015 when he was finally diagnosed with ADHD. The only thing is I don't know how to deal with it. If I try to be understanding, people say I'm being too soft. If I try to discipline him for his actions, I'm being too hard. I have gotten to a point of confusion. Can someone help me on how to cope with the violent behavior and frustration?

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I understand you. First and foremost don't let others tell you how you should displine your child, unless they have a child with ADHD they'll never understand how difficult it is. I have an 8yr old w/ADHD and it's not easy. My best advice would be to never make him feel like he's a bad child but he makes some bad choices, set up a reward system and focus on his good behavior. Hang in there! This group is awesome and I'm sure you'll get some useful tips and support. ❤

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Thank you. So ignore the negative behavior and reward the good behavior. Got it!

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Well you can't ignore bad behavior but it's more important to focus on the good. Most kids with ADHD have self-esteem issues. I've noticed a big improvement when we started a reward chart. Good luck!

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I agree with Tmullennax that rewards systems work better than punishments. They do for me anyway. My 8 yr old son couldn't care less about punishments but goals and rewards seem to get his attention. I think my son has a lot of shame when he does something wrong but it comes out as anger. I feel it comes from the fact that he can't control his emotions well and knows it. Blaming him or making him feel bad about it just makes it worse. Positive reinforcement. And I know it's not always easy to do.

As far as the aggression though, see my post about food colorings. It seems to me that there are many triggers for kids when it comes to aggression. We found that artificial food coloring was a big one for my son. Good luck!

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Thank you. I will check it out.

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Thank you Doug! It seems to me you also have a great system going. I read your article on food coloring and found it very interesting. I'm one of those mom's who will try anything to make his life and mine less hectic. Thanks for sharing!

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Not sure where Doug came from. Typo. Lol

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Haha! No, that is my name. I probably said it in one of my posts. I'm happy to share any of my wins and fails on here. I assume that that is the point. It helps us feel not so alone in our battles and hopefully sparks some new ideas as well. I think there are a lot of similarities of kids with ADHD but they also can have variations and different triggers. That is why I am always looking for new insights. Good luck to you!

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I have major problems with one of my grandsons anger issues. Some medications have also cause both boys to get violently angry.

What medication is he on? We are also going to Behavioral Counseling to learn ways to deal with anger

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Focalin twice a day to help balance mood swings. Intuniv to help him focus.

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My son use to be the same way, he would spit, kick, hit, cry, run away from the teachers , very disruptive . It was his way of communicating, because his speech is delayed and doesnt know how to communicate, he has been in speech therapy for quite sometime. He has been dignose with high functioning Autism. When he doesn't know how to communicate his thoughts/ emotions , then he becomes emotional and gets out of control.

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