my 6 year old is newly diagnosed with ADHD. 1st grade has been a struggle . We are in the early stages of finding the right resources to help him and getting referrals for med evaluation , parenting class and behavioral therapy , but everything moves so slowly . Meanwhile the school put together a modified behavior chart for him that breaks the day into 10 blocks of 30 mins . He has 2 reach 8 smiling faces . Every 30 Mins he goes to the teacher and he gets a smiling face of a thumbs down (imagine that ?) Teacher called me today because she caught him hiding the behavior chart and when she asked him why he broke down and sobbed (I am crying just writing this ) saying that he is q bad kid . We don’t punish him but we do talk about the notes the teacher leaves on the chart.
I am so glad the teacher called me and she said that she believes the behavior chart is doing more damage than good and she recommended stopping with it . I felt relived because that was one of the points I was goi g to discuss with them on our upcoming meeting. I could genuinely see she cares . She said she is open for suggestions on how to have a chart that he can feel successful . Any of you have suggestions on what have worked best for your elementary school age child ? These 5 first weeks. Of school have completely deflated his self worth and his impulsive behavior has all escalated . Physiologist suggest like a video game like system where he can earn” coins” and move to other levels .
please parents of young children , share with what have worked for you kiddos . It can be that medication is the only solution . However , until we are there in terms of getting those appointments , how do I protect him and help the teacher help him
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Oh boy. You have to start addressing his feelings about being a "bad boy" now. The same thing happened with my son. He was told so many time that what he was doing was bad, and that became his identity. It is truly heartbreaking. In preschool the teacher used a penny reward system. He earned these little velcro pennies, and when he reached so many he got to do an activity he liked for a set amount of time. They carried this one as he moved up in grade levels. Each teacher had their own spin. It became a money system. The schools have their own money, and when he was was caught making good choices they gave him money which he could use to buy certain prizes. Try to keep it simple, and have rewards be attainable. Our kids don't like to have to wait or they give up. A behavior specialist at your child's school may be a good person to turn to. I also recommend you look into the Nurtured Heart Approach. Wishing you the best!
Wow! I'm confused by the system they suggested. How many smiley faces would he have normally gotten before they tried implementing the chart? They want him to get 8 of 10 smiley faces. To me that would mean that he already would have gotten 6 or 7 of 10 smiley faces in a day. Otherwise the goal is way too high to start off with.
Also I can't figure out how he would earn a smiley face... Which specific 2 to 3 behaviors do they want him to work on? If they want him to work on 20 behaviors at once, that's also unreasonable. They need to break it down. For example: not blurting out answers (raising hand instead) + keeping his hands to himself. That's plenty to work on.
Then for each behavior they want him to improve on, have a discussion with him and brainstorm on ways to make that happen (you will have to provide a ton of ideas at first, but he should be able to pick his top 3 techniques to try for each behavior).
Then do some role-play practicing at home to see if these techniques might work for him. Modify as needed. Expect there to be a lot of re-grouping and coming up with new ideas.
Once a behavior has reached a minimally acceptable level, then you move on to the next behavior that needs work.
The teacher should also have a subtle reminder for your child that will help him regroup. This could be as simple as her touching her ear or putting a blank sticky note on his desk - something agreed to in advance with your child.
The teacher also needs to step up the positive praise for your child. The teacher needs to look for and find things that your child is doing well and praise them for it (immediately, in real time, when the behavior happens).
I am sorry if I dint explain well . Yes we agreed together on the targeted behavior . Which is what is what he struggles the most with , staying on his seat and listening . Which now we know that it’s just a huge goal to achieve for him right now . Teacher did say that she recognizes that focusing on positive and breaking down the goal into something more achievable is the way you o go. I am thankful they want to work with me and are open to suggestions. This chart worked well for him on kindergarten but has been a disaster from day one of 1st grade .
I skimmed read your message and the first thing that is coming to my mind is that a sticker chart is a good strategy when it is done properly. My child’s ADHD specialist nurse explained that the chart does not note bad behaviour (no thumbs down!).
He gets a smiley face for good behaviour. Bad behaviour means not getting a smiley face. That’s all. This way the chart will work.
I think I responded to one of your earlier posts because I have a first grader too. I'm rushing to get ready for the day now so this will be a quick one. In my experience, the behavior management strategies only really started working when combined with medicine.
Our 6 year old has been on methyphenidate since February, and first grade has also proved more of a struggle than kindergarten, especially with the all day now vs half day then. For us, the behavior is mainly manifesting at home before and after school. But the bad boy stuff is so sad, I agree. Our son has recently talked a lot about the "Bad (his name)" and the "Good (his name)" fighting like a monster and a knight, and he's only getting positive feedback from all of us, except when he really crosses a line, which has been frequent at home lately...
Most of our work outside of meds had been on getting his feelings out so his" balloon" wouldn't "pop, " but that's so much harder with him out longer each day & then only in the company of siblings before & after school. His behavior has become increasingly impulsive outside of school over the past few weeks. Really wild. I would feel weird going into detail publicly but it has been waaaay over any line we have seen before.
I agree with everyone else. Behavior charts aren't great tools, anyway, and they shouldn't work the way you describe. (I've been a teacher for 21 years, by the way.)
It's a hard line to follow because you want to pay attention to the issue without stigmatizing. We were at the doctor for a med check yesterday & it came out later that my son hated the doctor because he didn't like talking about "brain medicine." But that only came out after a lot of bad behavior led to an upset moment of catharsis + some serious previously discussed together "consequences."
It is all really hard but you are on the right path. Keep up the good work!
I'm not sure if there's a direct messaging thing on here, but, if there is, feel free to send me a message there & I can at least share more about our kindergarten & first grade experience with this because it has been really hard lately too but I don't like giving too many specific details in a public forum ! Hang in there!
thank you so much for your reply . I will see if there is a private messaging possibility . I would love the possibility to connect with ups on a 1:1 basis
hi there. Sorry for your troubles dealing with ADHD is very very hard our son is also in first grade and was diagnosed when he was about 4 1/2 and shortly after learning more about ADHD it was discovered that dad has it also…thankfully he does well at school it’s at home when he acts out the most they keep telling us because that’s where he’s most comfortable he has been on medication (that was my very very last result) it took me a long time to get to that point but I’m glad I did because it helps him focus and calm a little bit meditate 20 mg slow release the 10mg after school. Those reward charts never worked for him and it was always so frustrating for us He wanted absolutely nothing to do with that the reward systems didn’t work because he was bored by them our son has discovered Roblox as a video game and loves it and is one thing that keeps his attention or enough so he can enjoy something he has a horrible hard time sitting still to read or other common activities I hate the idea of rewarding for good behavior because it’s not that the kids are good or bad it’s that they have adhd and it something completely out of their control. The best thing I could suggest, That’s what it sounds like you are already doing Behavioral therapy communicating with the teachers and the possibility of medication awesome keep in mind a lot of the foods with artificial coloring can have bad affects on children with ADHD and may increase hyperactivity. I guess I just seen your message and wanted to reach out to let you know you’re not alone and I hope that you and your child can find the correct support that you need to navigate through this big hugs your way ☺️
with a quick Google I found this one today verywellhealth.com/red-dye-... I personally have eliminated certain foods/candies from my sons diet as within minutes of eating sour patch kids he turns into a different child as in the dye in those make his energy and hyperactivity skyrocket so we try to not give him any artificial red food color it’s found in so many foods even ones that aren’t red some food dyes are banned in European and other countries yet are a constant with foods processed in the U.S.A hey Siri do a search on Google for ADHD diet and foods to avoid you can learn a lot as I did if anything it’s worth a try especially if there are no medications being taken at this time it’s crazy how the food we put in our bodies can affect us especially little children bodies I hope this helps good luck on your journey
all the kids in my child’s kinder class had a reward chart. They got a star for good behaviour throughout the day - raising hand, sitting on carpet etc. once they reached 10 stars or whatever the number was, they got to choose a little trinket to bring home.
The teacher also gave them jobs to keep them focused- one is the line leader, one holds the door, one sharpens the pencils etc. they loved being responsible that way.
oof, my first grader had similar struggles in kindergarten. When they finally called in a behavior specialist, he made some important tweaks to the "star chart". First, he measured a baseline--how many stars would he have earned before any intervention? Then, he set a goal--LOWER THAN THE BASELINE at first, so that my son would feel successful. If he met his goal for the day, he got a prize at the end that had already been developed with his input as something motivating.
After a week or two of consistent success, they raised the goal very slightly--and made sure he kept hitting it by loading on the "bonus points" when he was having a bad day, rewarding him for regrouping, apologizing, whatever they could find to praise.
Lastly, instead of a star or no star for each period, he got 0, 1, or 2 points for each target behavior depending on how many reminders he needed (0-1, 2-3, or more than 3). This means there were never "lost causes"-- needing a reminder to raise his hand didn't su doom him for the rest of that period.
WITH all these interventions, he was hovering around 70-75% by the END of the year not including bonus points, so your goal of 80% seems untargeted to me. We started him on medication over the summer, and now this year he's reaching 85-90% consistently.
Good luck with your son. Load on the successes. I know how it feels and it's so hard.
I love that idea of starting below the baseline . We started him on a very ambitious goal to begin with so failure happened over and over again . Thanks for sharing
hi!! What we’ve done for a while was the Daily Report Card. But it’s only positive reinforcement, no thumbs down, ugly faces or anything bad. All is good. If he did great is a big smiley face, good was a smiley face and not so good a thinking face. Also points 1-2-3, never 0. We always cheered for happy faces and 2-3s, and we talk about what could be done better tomorrow if it was the thinking face or a 1. Small prices were awarded, but getting something almost constantly, so he had the feeling of being rewarded often. If it takes too long they don’t relate good actions with prizes. He was the one choosing the prizes, so it got him a lot of interest. Getting to 200 points took him a couple of months and that was a small video game. But we had ice cream, extra tv time, Mc Donald’s, board game with us, etc etc
He needs to like it, understand it and get use to it. My son started around 6 yo, for the first 3-4 months the daily report card (DRC) meant nothing lol. One day it clicked and he loved it. He even asked for it. It had 3-5 goals and it went back and forth with his teachers on a daily basis. Now at 10 yo we don’t use it anymore, we talk, he does his best, and we have rewards in general, but he is 100% accountable of his actions and has it in him to do it (I would never ever had thought we’ll be at this point). We never stopped for 4 years, not even in the summer. It’s a commitment and consistency much needed. He had never had medication (yet) and it’s in a Montessori school. The teachers, the Doctor and us where all in the same page. I also sent a silent timer to school, and I had the same at home, to help him understand time. All that helped and he is now very independent and responsible. When he asks for rewards we talk about his days/weeks and then we agree on a day to go to Target, or the beach, or pjs day, almost anything he asks is doable.
I’ll try to find a Daily report card example and I’ll add it in this thread.
It will be ok, little by little, positively and consistently, our goal is always that he is happy and healthy FIRST, so that helped us re-centered when we were tired.
I’m so sorry. That is heartbreaking. It feels TERRIBLE to have your child say that to you. I remember when I went to pick my son up at school one day and he showed me “his” bad boy corner.
What has worked for us personally at home is Dr. Kazdin’s parenting approach. He has online classes (they were free when we took them, not sure anymore). His whole system is to praise and reward positive behavior all. the. time. Gently correct negative behavior, but don’t focus too much on the negative. alankazdin.com/
At school, the system of coins sounds like a good one to me. Praise the positive behavior, gently correct the negative. Where are you in the country? I think some states understand and implement better strategies in schools than other states. Try hard not to get discouraged. When I was teaching, I had to give positive reinforcement or gentle correct every two minutes to one student. It’s okay! Thirty minutes is a looonnnggg time for a kid with ADHD.
I am thinking about you. You are not alone in this!
My wife and I are in a similar boat. I wish I had an answer. But I read your post and see you and hope for better. Our son's teacher has started with a sticker chart, and as some people mentioned below -- when he is following instructions and doing well he gets a star, if he does not follow instructions he doesnt receive anything and the teacher writes a note about what happened and what he did instead of follow the instruction. We spoke with our psychologist recently and was told how this method doesnt work for everyone. So we're still in the stages of figuring out what will work best for our son and in the early stages of the IEP process. wishing you the best
hello, some great ideas shared! Wanted to add one more positive note - my son had a terrible 1st grade experience, tried all of the charts and etc. and gained the reputation as the bad kid :-(. But as the years have gone on, now in 5th grade he’s doing so much better. Nothing’s perfect of course - but there is hope on the horizon! It sounds like you are doing an amazing job so far. With the right support - medication, therapy, understanding adhd and good communication with the school - things can get easier. We found a babysitter who was also neurodivergent who just “clicked” with my son. She really “got” him and genuinely liked him - they did art together and I think that relationship helped him to not feel so alone. Hugs to you and your family ❤️
My daughter was diagnosed around 6 yrs old too and man those were the toughest times.Hang in there it gets better. Her school did amazingly though. They had her on a similar chart with three check in/check out times a day. There were no negative emoji's, all faces were smiley. It was based on the "number" of smiley faces. And they started her off at "60%" of smiley faces and as she accomplished that goal they increased it to "70%" then "80%" every other week and so forth until behavior, focus and/or self control, etc reached the appropriate levels to function through the day.Hope this helps.
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