Hello! I'm a stay home mom.My 7 years old boy has ADHD and it's frustrating everyday at home and at school. I have other two younger kids too. My 7 years old set a lot of bad examples to my 4 years old and 2 years old. So it's really critical to help my 7 years old behavior properly. But he is kind of out of control sometimes.
My husband is blaming me for my parenting because it's the reason for my son's problem. We have a lots of disagreement to discipline my 7 years old. When his daddy is at home he is even out of control.
We were called into school today because he exposed his private part in front of his classmate(a girl) at school. So he was at school office the whole day and he is going to have different teacher since then. I asked him why he did that and he said he just wants to make other kids laughing. I have to tell him laughing at you is not a good thing and they will think you are a big joke! I don't know how much he got from me.
My husband refused to give him any medication for him ADHD. It's getting worse at school. His grade is going down. He has no idea what's the right interaction with other kids. He tried to get other kids' attention by doing improper things. I feel ashamed and frustrated. I'm also thinking what caused his problem? Is my parenting really the reason?
I joined this group today and looking for support.Thanks
A desperate Mom
Written by
Andrewaz
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I've read that multiple studies have shown that ADHD kids often have poor social skills and simply don't see how their behavior is disliked by their peers. We run in to some of this with our 7 year old, although not to the same extent, but he will talk nonstop about something that no one else is interested in or he doesn't notice that his inability to wait his turn makes other kids not want to play with him. Keep talking to him, but don't expect it to actually fix the problem because you're right, he's not going to take much of it in, but it does continue to reinforce the point. Also, see if there are any behavioral or social therapists in your area. A social therapist will sometimes have kids that need help in groups and go over proper peer behavior and talk about how what the kids do affects their friendships.
I absolutely understand what you are going through in regard to your son behaving badly for attention and setting a bad example to younger siblings. Kids with ADHD typically have social problems and certain parts of their brains are slower to mature.
It is hard not to blame oneself but it isn’t your fault. Parenting is done by both parents not only the mother. I would suggest counseling for you and your husband since you don’t agree on the best course of action for your son. You shouldn’t be handling the stress of your son’s behavior by yourself or taking blame.
I have three kids with AD/HD and they are all very different. My youngest is my son who loves to entertain and I can't tell you how many times I've said, "I don't find you funny." As the others have said, it's not your fault, and you keep on trying to teach him how to act appropriately. What I would add to this is to find avenues for him to channel this love of entertaining in an appropriate way. For example: Jim Carey. He has ADHD and he has channeled his energy into comedic humor. For my son who can't stop singing and entertaining, I've put him into the school choir, and I even enrolled him in acting camp last summer, which he loved. It takes a lot of time, but our kids do learn gradually. And as we give them opportunities to express themselves in appropriate ways they then have a positive outlet to express themselves and from where they can get positive feedback from us and their peers.
What your son did in school sounds similar to stories I have for my son. My husband and I are mostly in agreement with how to handle and are reading a lot of books and researching ADHD. If you are not interested in prescriptions, maybe try nutritional supplements first. We recently received the diagnosis and we are trying Cognitive Behavior Therapy and supplements first. I would highly suggest you and your husband go with your son and get a sitter, this is important and if you are not on the same page (especially in front of your son) it could get worse. From one of the books I have read "bad parenting does not cause ADHD but it can make it worse." There are some "focus and attention" supplements that have made a difference, but patience is key. There is no miracle drug. We also tried to get our son kid "joke" books to give him some ideas of how to express his need to be funny in a positive way. We are now struggling a bit because he is getting a lot of negative feedback from school from his inappropriate outbursts and it is making him emotionally volatile. These kids need to be accepted for positive behaviors. So, I'd suggest you find a way to help channel him in that direction through hobby / interest and try to help him avoid those situations that will likely cause negative feedback.
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