This is my first time visiting this board. I am struggling. My son has anxiety and what we believe to be ADD. He will turn 21 next month. He has an addictive and obsessive personality, and while trying to self medicate found himself reliant on Cannabis. Recently he has been experiencing more triggered events which he has some sort of panic attack where he loses control. Also he gets in these modes if he wants or doesn’t want something. He takes it all out on me and manipulates and blames me to the point where I feel mentally abused.
When he starts up my stress level intensifies to the point of physical pain. My doctor thinks I may have PDSD. He is very smart and capable and he rarely shows this side to anyone else. I have often felt if I was not in his life, it would be best for him (NOT in a suicidal way). I feel like he is mentally abusive but he says he can’t help it and he also cannot empathize with me. Today I had a complete breakdown and I still can’t stop crying although the crazy has past. I don’t know what to do.
His primary care tried to work with him but felt he needed to go to a psychiatrist so he could properly prescribe. After 3 weeks, that appointment was today. When I made the appointment I said I wanted him evaluated and tested so I knew what this was. He fits the ADHD/ADD models but there seems more. Maybe bipolar or mild autism. All I got was a prescription of something he had in the past, no testing, no referral for therapy for my son or myself. I was hoping this was the step that would offer some sort of pathway, some focus for me however, I left feeling as blind as ever.
I feel so alone as I have sheltered my husband and daughter from the enormity of this. My husband doesn’t get it and just stresses out so I protect him because I can’t take them both on. I can’t find a therapist that is taking new patients for either of us and I am starting to feel like I am drowning.
The last time I sent my son to a therapist I did so because I was concerned because he was using pot and his mental state was unstable. He was 17. That therapist reported me to Child Protectice Services when my son said I knew about his use (I live in Utah and yes I knew about his use that is why I sent him to the therapist to get help) It was his first appointment and his grandma took him because we were in Greece. She took him because I was very worried about him. I came home to find that CPS went to my sons school and then visited me. Fortunately, CPS closed the case immediately due to a conflict in patient privacy and instructed us to report the therapist. This is when my son and I started rethinking wether or not it was a good idea to go to therapy. The problem is we have gotten to a point where we desperately need help.
I am sorry for the long post and I would appreciated any feedback anyone is willing to offer.