How to convince my man-child that appearance matters in the workplace

[RaquelMonique]

My son is 19 and just landed a career (with our help). He’s ADHD and high-functioning autistic. Sometimes we struggle with getting him to see why it’s important to clean up (shower, haircut, shave). I understand his point “people should like him for him” and I wish that were true, but we all know appearance matters. I need creative ways to help him see that’s it could make or brake his opportunity.

[JJMom16]

What type of career has he landed? I work in tech, and there are a lot of people who either don't shower/shave regularly, smell, wear sweats to work, etc. This is somewhat an "industry standard", but I do believe it holds some back. Executive presence is very important farther along in one's career.

I would focus on the importance of a first impression, and consider sharing articles he can read by himself vs. trying to convince him of your own opinion.

psychologytoday.com/us/blog...

apa.org/gradpsych/2012/11/f...

futureofworking.com/profess...

People will grow to like him for him, and a solid first impression can help lead to that. If he invests in himself, others will want to invest in him, too. Perhaps you can come up with an easy system for him to follow - sets of polo shirts and khakis, for example, so he doesn't have to think about it. Or, recurring haircut calendar reminders? Grooming checklist?

Good luck!

[Aloysia in reply to JJMom16]

I would also get the HR rules on appearance (dress code, etc). If it's part of a company rule, then he will have more motivation to follow them.

But if this is a basic hygiene issue, you may need to have his doctor and dentist talk to him about why this is important and what specifically is required.

In areas where he does have a choice (mustache/beard), really let him choose. Set the expectation that there are still basic grooming requirements if you have a mustache/beard, and lay out what those are. Google it if you need something written to point to.

Let him choose his clothes within the HR standards. This way he can be himself and express himself, but still meet the requirements.

[anirush]

This is pretty common for teens and your kid is probably a bit behind in maturity as most ADHD kids are. When my grandson was a freshman in band the band instructor was constantly yelling that he did not want to smell anyone at practice. But maybe let him suffer the consequences? If a coworker does not like it they usually go to human resources to complain. Maybe he would take advice better from a boss than a parent.

[BTV65]

Food examples? You may love the taste of a particular food, but if it looks nasty, you might not even try it. Moldy cheese. Scrape it off and it can be perfectly fine, but most people just toss it.

Don't judge a book by it's cover? Most of us do. Taking the time to dig down and get to know people can be costly in terms of time/effort. So if people see surface traits that turn them off, they will spend their time getting to know someone else.

Packaging: If you had to pick out a Christmas gift that was already wrapped, would you go for the one that looked nice with a pretty bow, or the beat-up looking one wrapped in toilet paper?

Look at how your son shops or what draws his attention to products, movies, packaging. Take time to use those as comparisons. He will understand it easier if he can relate to it.

My son is heading off to college and refuses to wear anything but sweat pants. I still have to nag him to shower daily and I can just imagine what's going to happen when there isn't someone looking over his shoulder about these things. First impressions indeed.