And before anyone pounces down my throat, yes I know she is struggling too... This whole scenario of distance learning and the pandemic is hard on all of us, and we are in a great place compared to many.
With that said, more and more lately I am finding her lying and just being overall deceitful about things - I'm at a loss as to what to do next. I listen to the podcasts, read the books, go to talks - all the things and I try all the suggestions. Short of ignoring her behavior though, I am not sure how to get through most days. Most recently, she's been caught with TikTok on her iPod - an app she has been specifically told she is not to have. She got it somehow through shared purchases from her brother - and has been lying about it since September. In one instance, specifically saying "oh, I found out I can get it when I'm 12... so I don't have to wait till 13 anymore!!" yet she already had it.
What concerns me most outside of the lying (which I know most kids do) is her lack of empathy - the impulsive behaviors that don't seem to be helped with meds - her calculating choices and statements that ultimately get her in trouble - yet she isn't learning from the consequences or doesn't care if there even are consequences.
She's my SD and we've had her in our home for 3 years now... I know it's not going to get easier - but tonight my husband said that maybe she just needs to go live with her Mom - who has helped create this situation and isn't doing a damn thing to help resolve it. I have fought that suggestion before b/c I don't think that living with her Mom is going to help her, if anything, it may worsen the issues... at the same time, hubs knows that he doesn't want to live in a house where his wife is frustrated with his daughter more than not. I just don't know what to do differently for her - what path to try next. Counseling doesn't seem to be helping. Meds do what they can during school, but feel almost absent otherwise. She has few friends, and none who are her age or older. We are her people, and I feel like I am letting her down. Fuck.