Co-parenting and ADHD

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am a mother of A 14 year old boy and also have the same problem. He takes meds.for adhd. His father has attended iep meetings and told his teachers they give him meth so he can attend school. This caused my son to hide his meds.in his mouth and go away from me to spit them out. Eventually,threw the medicine at me & say you take the dope. There is no shame in a learning problem,only shame when you do nothing to help your child. I would also like to know my oppositions.

I am sorry you are being challenged so harshly! For me to give you helpful support there are a lot of factors to take into consideration. So please forgive all of my questions! I want to support you, your husband and daughter! Am I reading right that your daughter is 5? How often does she visit them? Does she talk about what they tell her on her own or do you ask her about it? What they are saying? What does she say to you about how she feels about what they tell her? I have 18 years experience in child welfare and I would be happy to privately discuss this with you for ideas and ways to approach this situation. Inbox me for my cell number if you would like to talk. Hugs and prayers for all involved!

Your story and mine are crazy similar. Two and a half years ago my son was failing reading and was on a behavior plan at school. All year the staff talked to us (whenever ex would actually participate) about what our son needed to improve, which was read every day. Ex wouldn't do it. He got a tutor for an hour once a week. Finally the school referred us to a pediatrician to test for learning disabilities. My son was diagnosed with ADHD. The doctor and pediatric psychologist suggested a multimodal regimen which included medicine. I was leery but did tons of research and agreed. My ex did no research and disagreed. I had legal decision making so I started the medicine. No mater how much our son improved, he fought me and complained that I just went and drugged up our son. That went on for two years with the nasty emails which essentially were about his wounded ego and not about our son's success. He came off the behavior plan, met his IEP plan requirements, and finally tested at grade level for reading. Ex didn't go to appointments or parent teacher conferences. I would update him and he would either ignore or launch into his "He doesn't need it and you just drug him up" speech. Until this summer. He stopped giving medicine and won't start up again. He claims the medicine gives him all these fictitious side effects. He tells our son he doesn't need it. He told our son he can't join the military some day if he takes medicine, the one thing our son wants to do more than just about anything (except play football). I've tried to get ex to go to the pediatrician to switch medication, I've tried to get him to go to mediation or co-parent counseling to talk about it, and he won't agree to anything. We are going to court so he responds to everything with "I'll consult my lawyer" then never gets back to me. Worst of all is every time our son came home this summer he had some new garbage from his dad about the medicine, like "I don't want to take it because I have more temper tantrums on the medicine when I don't get my way." Does that sound like what a 9-year-old would say? And "It makes me feel different." I said, "How?" He said, "I don't know." I've done behavior tracking and symptom journaling and he doesn't complain of any side effects. He never has. He takes the medicine at my house but his dad won't give it to him. Now he is having behavior issues at school again and the teacher is emailing. I feel a little like I'm in a walking dejavu. Ex argues that I no longer have the right to final decision making and won't agree to any kind of plan, so all I can do is wait for court. It's agonizing. I'll post if I have any helpful news. One big thing about my ex is that he is most likely has undiagnosed Narcissistic personality disorder. Until I learned what that was and how it makes him think it was like bashing my head against the wall. It doesn't help all that much having the knowledge, but it helps a little. At least I've stopped trying to prove to him the medicine works and our son is (was) getting better, because he will never see it that way. All he cares about is losing the power (which he obviously took back and is hurting our child with). Prayers for us both and our dear children!

Yes that is the one thing that I'm fearful about as a parent with a child with ADHD the impulsive decision. My crazy advise kill your ex with kindness and also explain to your child that not everyone understands how special and brilliant she is all because sometimes people Will perish for the lack of knowledge . And I think sometime if a child is age-appropriate with a great understanding we have to be open to them and let them know the benefits of taking the medication providing that the medication is a right fit and also the outcome of not taking their medication

I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now. Try this link for some encouragement

. It sounds like both you and your daughter know she needs the medicine. I just don't know what to tell you. I was a kid who had court mandated visits with my father and it was really hard. He was depressed and it was awful to visit him and hear all the negative things he had to say. My Mom didn't really believe how bad it was and she just sent me and my siblings every other weekend. At least you're fighting for your daughter. Maybe try and get some testimony from her therapist showing how negatively this is all affecting her. Good luck!

My daughter's father wasn't around much either and he hasn't been recently. My ex isn't allowed to take my daughter anywhere without me. If he has an issue with it he can take me to court, which he won't. I would consult with an attorney about the issues you are having with him. Where I live they have an organization called the legal aid society and they offer legal counsel for free to eligible clientele.

A couple things here and I apologize for my frankness. First, it sounds like dad needs to read reputable publications on the subject before forming an opinion. Lots of ignorance out there about this disorder as well as mental illness in general. Second, I can sense the animosity and frustration between you and your ex. Don't put your child in the middle of that. Avoid that at all costs. If he loves your kid, he needs to do the same.

I do not have issues quite like this but I am dealing with my daughter's bio dad questioning my choices for her meds