I'm writing to figure out what my options are about my ex husband and his wife talking to our daughter about her taking ADHD medications. She was diagnosed in first grade. At that time Her biological father had been absent for 4 years. He was out of Her life until just over a year ago. Her school and pediatrician and myself and husband (who has raised her during the time my ex was absent) have gone over our options and we have her on the best medication for her.
Our problem is my ex and his wife keep telling my daughter that she is a walking pharmacy, that her pills are making her sick, and that he does not want her on pills. She isn't sick and her pills are not making her sick. She suffers from migraines, but all the woman in my family do, I suffer more than the rest have. I have invited him to her appointments and conferences, he has chosen not to attend any in the last year and he hasn't gone to any of her appointments since she was two years old.
I have asked him to stop talking to her about them because he is making her feel bad. I have text messages saved from a conversation this morning asking him to stop. He took the opportunity to slander myself and my husband and turn things into a mess. My daughter knows and understands why she takes medications and for what. I've also explained to her what ADHD is and why I have agreed to her taking these meds. It isn't fair to my daughter to go to his house and he make these comments.
I don't know what my options are, I asked him nicely to stop. He informed me he can say whatever he wants. Which I guess is true, but to a point and not to a child. What can I do to make this situation easier for my daughter and continue to help her with her education?
Please point me in the right direction
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I am a mother of A 14 year old boy and also have the same problem. He takes meds.for adhd. His father has attended iep meetings and told his teachers they give him meth so he can attend school. This caused my son to hide his meds.in his mouth and go away from me to spit them out. Eventually,threw the medicine at me & say you take the dope. There is no shame in a learning problem,only shame when you do nothing to help your child. I would also like to know my oppositions.
Thank you for responding. It's just so frustrating. He has adhd and he didn't like the way his father and step mom handled things. I get it. So he grew up not taking any meds. He didn't graduate or get his ged. And all he can see is that I'm a pill pusher who is trying to make my daughter perfect. Well as all parents think "my kid is perfect" I only want her on the meds to help ensure that she can get focused in school work and in class. It's our job to make sure they excel at school, their future relies on it. I saw a comment that someone said giving your kid adhd meds is the lazy way to parent. That you can make a drooling zombie do whatever you want. Well first her meds don't make her a zombie, if they did I would have her on something different. Second medicating a child with adhd meds is not lazy. As a parent you continue to work everyday with your child on finding a way to help them stay focused, to help them find what distracts them and to find a way to remove the distraction. Sorry I know I'm going on. I'm just so furious on how the ex has decided to go about things. My daughter is brilliant, smarter than me she is 10 and she reads faster than I do. Adhd isn't a learning disability, mostly it's because there is too much going on in or outside the head and usually both at once. Her meds help her to slow down and think and not rush not to make impulsive decisions.
Yes that is the one thing that I'm fearful about as a parent with a child with ADHD the impulsive decision. My crazy advise kill your ex with kindness and also explain to your child that not everyone understands how special and brilliant she is all because sometimes people Will perish for the lack of knowledge . And I think sometime if a child is age-appropriate with a great understanding we have to be open to them and let them know the benefits of taking the medication providing that the medication is a right fit and also the outcome of not taking their medication
Hi.. I'm so sorry you have to be abused like this when you are trying to be a good mom. I have a 9 yr old daughter recently diagnosed and am still figuring out my options. My husband is similar in verbally attacking me and my daughter for wanting to try meds. I think he is insecure about the diagnosis meaning that he has failed or something. I think us Moms are way better at processing our painful feelings and getting strong to do what we need to for our kids when the dads can't. I realize I am right in researching and becoming my daughters advocate even though I'm being told I'm overreacting. Keep strong and fight the good fight ladies and remember there is no wrong way to parent. We all do what we can, when we can do it. And we shouldn't let Drs,, teachers, Psychs or dysfunctional Dads make us feel bad. I would give my life for my children and am really sick of not getting the respect I deserve from all who have an opinion. Just remind everyone that you are the Mom! The one who stayed up all night feeding and taking care your baby. And the one who sacrifices herself everyday for the betterment of their lives!